All this talk of placenta eating reminds me of liver and ergo, food I really hate.
I was out last night having a perfectly good meal of steak and mushroom pie (which I was eating very carefully one substance at a time-don't ask) and a side order of mixed vegetables, when suddenly I noticed a curious metalic taste. I chewed on, slowly at first, but gradually I had to stop.
Oh oh.
Because I was at a table of work people I couldn't start spitting into a napkin, so I had no option but to leap up with a loud clatter of cutlery and say 'Exthuuss meth' and hurry, okay, sprint to the bathroom. There, after I practically shoved one woman aside, I proceeded to be very sick indeed. I was still in the bathroom washing my tongue in the vile tasting tap water when one of the directors of the company I had been talking to came in to see if I was all right.
'Are you all right?' She asked.
'Yeth.' I said trying hard not to sluice and spit and gargle all at the same time. I swallowed the water. My throat closed before I could sneak it past. It came back up. I blinked desperately at her.
'You're pregnant aren't you?' She said with a warm 'we're all women here' smile. 'I used to get morning sickness like this, in the evenings, ho ho ho.
'No.' I replied, heaving the water into sink despite her pressence, 'not pregnant, cabbage.'
'Excuse me?'
'Cabbage, I don't like cabbage, it makes me sick. There was cabbage in my mixed veg.' I said running my wrists under the cold water and trying not to think about it.
'Cabbage?'
'Yes.'
'Are you allergic to it?'
'No, I just don't like it.'
'I see.'
'It makes me sick.'
'Right.' She looked at my pale sweating face and smiled stiffly. 'Well, I'll...best get back out there.'
'Be right with you.' I nodded, still with my hands under the water.
After she left, I shook my hands, rinsed and spat some more, reapplied my makeup, ignored the woman I had shoved who came out out of the stall and glared at me, and tried to dry the sweat at the nape of my neck.
I have avoided cabbage most of my adult life. My mother made me eat it once when I was three and said that if I didn't 'finish what was on my plate'I wasn't coming to the beach with her. So I ate it. And then proceeded to spray her, the siblings, the interior of the car and myself with it before we had even made it out of the drive. We didn't get to go to the beach that day.
Damn you Mother!
It can't be just me...there surely must be some foods people can't tolerate. Oh and tuna, I can't eat it, I've tried countless times, it's healthy and goes with pasta, but I can't, I really can't.
Speaking of vomiting...
HOLLYWOOD TAT= Tom Crusie & Katie Holmes welcome their daughter into the world. She is called Suri, which means Princess in Klingon.
Congrats also to Brooke Shields and hubby and new baby girl Grier. Ironic that both spogs popped out around the same time. I hope these babies actually exist.
Cloves. Although they're not really food, just disgusting emissions from Satan's cock.
ReplyDeleteCauliflower is earth brains. I hate them.
See! That's what I mean, I don't mind cloves at all, and I like clove sweets, pink and white rock and so on.
ReplyDeleteOh and I really hate cucumber. it tastes like earth/clay after a cat has taken a wee on it.
it tastes like earth/clay after a cat has taken a wee on it.
ReplyDeleteI will bow to your superior experience on this one.
While you're down there give us a scratch would ya?
ReplyDeleteundercooked boiled egg when the white is still runny - fed to me as a kid, reminds me of eyeballs. Instant vomit. Yuk.
ReplyDeleteBleee, Sexy, bleee!
ReplyDeleteEscargot and Raw Liver two popular dishes here in the Leb. MacDara have tried both but was retching as soon as they hit his throat. The funny thing is I love onion but get sick if I eat cooked onion. You know when its all soft and tastes like plastic
ReplyDeleteOh MY GOD!!! MacDara, you are so right. I hate cooked onion, so slimy and slithersome. I love it raw however, especially red onion, so strong it makes my eyes water. Strange thing, I like the smell of onions being cooked.
ReplyDeleteLiver however is just gross and the texture... and kidney is minging too. So dry and smooth, yuck yickkity yuck.
I can't eat celery because it tastes like toilet cleaner. Undercooked eggs remind me of snot.
ReplyDeleteWhen me was young, me sistee and me was eating lunch with me gramstee and some stupid kid from her church that she was stupid-kid-sitting for the day. She had nice meal of salad, pasta and buttered bread. Me sistee and me eat our salads first, then move on to our pasta, which we eat with our buttered bread. Stupid kid from church just shoves bits of everything in his mouth willy-nilly. Halfway though meal, gramstee decides she wants something els and pulls out jar of pickled beets. She offers them around and me and sistee decide if we say no, we save room for more pasta. Stupid kid from church says yes and starts shoving them into his mouth along with everything else. Gramstee tells stupid kid that he has too much food working and should swallow that before putting any more into his stupid gob. Stupid kid smiles, dropping little bit from side of mouth, and begins giggling and shoving more in. Gramstee takes fork away from stupid kid and waits for him to empty his mouth. When he does, she asks him if it really is empty, He opens it as wide as he can to show her and promptly vomits up everything he shoved in there throughout the entire meal. At this time sistee and me had to make a choice. We was scared, no getting around that, but which one of them foods was going to be the triggering food that reminded us of this scar. Easy choice for us pasta lovers, it was the pickled beets. To this day, for both of us, if we see or smell pickled beet, or beets of any type, we tend to get rather green.
ReplyDeleteMe feel for you an you cabbage FMC, but me loves me bratwurst and sauerkraut
anything with gluten in it. the worst are still-warm 'everything' bagels and chocolate decadence desserts.
ReplyDeletei wants so bad...... but swelling up like that blueberry chick in willy wonka just ain't worth it.
did not know u speak klingon, FMC. you kontinue to delight.
Morning Miss Ann, 'nother one for the eggs. Monstee you are so wise cute furball, beets are not very nice and pasta is yummy, especially with freshly grated parma cheese all over it. Ummmm. Oh, another thing that is disgusting is anchovies and halibiut. Yuck
ReplyDeleteFinn, morning. Are you gluten sensitive? And this is about food that you hate, not want badly mmissus!
ReplyDeletehate-crave-hate-crave ... it all tumbles into the Same.
ReplyDeletesurely you cannot hate halibut?? it's so white and effacing -- what can offend?
i went halibut fishing off the coast of alaska a couple years back. like pulling cadillacs from the ocean floor it was. could barely lift my own arms the next morning. still, the flesh was tasty, and i flew home with 60lbs of halibut fillets which, thankfully, delta airlines did not lose or delay.
I just don't like the taste of it, and I love most fish.
ReplyDeleteI hate whiting though. It tastes so boring. I don't know why people bother to kill them.
ReplyDeletePeas. Hated them since birth, tried to like them as an adult and failed. I'm like the princess in The Princess and the Pea: I can taste even a single one of them in a pie.
ReplyDeleteSay it ain't so Footie, even mushy?
ReplyDeleteThere are only two things I will not eat,stinking filthy Mussels and stinking filthy Tripe.
ReplyDeleteI love mussels, especially cooked al vapor! I like octopuss, squid, cockles, prawns, any kind of shellfish really. Tripe though, no. I would have to draw the line at that. And black pudding, it's yack.
ReplyDeleteBitter greens - fucking weeds
ReplyDeleteBrussels sprouts - Belgian bastard's bollocks
Olives - Greek bastard's bollocks
Capers - what the fuck ARE THEY?
Cauliflower - anemic broccoli
Anchovies - I have no words
You know, I've never met anyone who liked anchovies, salty slimy nasty things. I know peple who say they do, but I never seen them eat one. I mean really, even the look of them, slithersome vile oily things that taste fishy and salty and slimy. Yack a thousand times yack. And you're absolutely right about all the other stuff too. Except cauliflower, which I like with a white sauce.
ReplyDeleteRocket - my wife loves it. To me it tastes of the vilest blackest poison
ReplyDeletehelp the Yank here, what is Rocket?
ReplyDeleteI can eat anything except bear bile and live monkey brains.
ReplyDeleteThe glutenous eyes of kippers, the blood clotted pipes in liver, the urine flavour of kidneys, the rennety towel like tripes, the cold snotters of oysters, the bitter grasslike pointlessness of salad greens all with equal relish. It's a gift. If it's really unpleasant, I hold my breath and chew quickly and think of Concorde or something.
My mother loved to make tuna casserole... and I loved to throw it up. Henceforth, totally scarred for life with tunafish. Now ahi tuna (like sushi) is fine with me, it's the stinky canned gross tuna... blech.
ReplyDeleteI have some texture issues, so when things are too chewy it freaks me out... ooh this is getting me all grossed out just thinking about it... I agree with several of the things in the comments, though -- especially the cooked onions (yeugh), capers (I have no idea what they are either) and brussel sprouts (I don't think there is a "good" way to cook them!)...
Up untill the age of twenty I refused to eat any food unless it was either orange or yellow coloured, so my diet consisted of just anything made from potatoes and carrots and the odd bit of sweetcorn. I didn't even like cheese (even though it is yellow) I eat everything now though, introduced them slowly and it's amazing what you can force your taste buds to like after a while... Although I still won't go near an iced caramel sweet - those horrible pink and white squares that were around in the seventies - made me throw up badly as a child and even the thoughs of them now
ReplyDeleteAndraste, rocket is bitter greens, trust me, fancy-assed lettuce for fancy-assed salads. Actually I don't mind it, but it makes Country Gay green around the gills.
ReplyDeleteLindy with you on the tuna, eviltwinsister, is battenberg cake out?
ReplyDeleteDoc, most of your list, blee.
Here is a good way to cook brussel sprouts.
Heat pan of water,
add salt.
add brussel sprouts when water is boiling.
Cook for ten minutes.
Turn off.
Open bottle of chilled white wine, drink bottle of chilled white wine, ignore sprouts.
Throw away following day.
Absolutely foolproof.
smashing, FMC.
ReplyDeletethe man's away and i've been reduced to eating cereal for dinner because i'm too lazy to cook for 1.
i like your recipe and shall test it tonight. must one track down actual brussels sprouts or will pretend ones work?
Darling girl, I find this recipe is pretty suitable for just about any dish.
ReplyDeleteBad as they are,if you MUST eat sprouts,add a spoonful of sugar to the cooking,it takes some of the bitterness out.Oh,you might add human placenta to my list.
ReplyDeleteCheese of the common goat makes me retch. I have a lousy sense of smell, but melt a piece of goats cheese on top of a stuffed tomato in a restaraunt three cities away and I'll smell it.
ReplyDeleteI think it stems from an incident at Blackpool zoo when I was a child. They had a pet goat for children to stroke. I petted that goat good and proper, broad strokes all along its back, under its chin, behind its ears etc. I couldn't remove the smell for weeks.
Funny thing is, I just luuuurrve roasted goat meat. The younger the better. When I'm working in East Africa I make sure I get my own back for the damage inflicted in childhood by consuming several small goats, each slowly roasted over a charcoal fire, at each meal.
Our haus has bad pilings, and is slowly slowly slip sliding into the street, which causes our sewerage pipes to crack and buckle. Before the landlord had them fixed, we were able to race our turds out into the front yard. I hate tomatoes, so I know it weren't me, but someones shit has sprouted a ton of the biggest juiciest looking toms I've ever seen. Hate them, they make me vomit. But I can trick people into eating these poisonous shit-matoes. HAHAHA
ReplyDeleteMayonnaisse / Salad cream. Vomit EVERY time. Some people don't get it. "But it's only made from eggs and... yadayada". Yes, I know that. And I know I like everything that makes the crap. But it's the mix that does it to me!
ReplyDeletePeas I like, but the mushy ones can fuck off. Brussels are great! But if you don't like them it is, apparently, genetic.
There's those miniature corn on the cobs that taste like earth. Don't care for those much.
ReplyDeleteGrits have an earthy taste too but aren't too bad.
What are grits exactly?
ReplyDeletecorn meal. (maize)
ReplyDeleteI LOVE anchovies AND capers.
ReplyDeleteYou're a sick twisted person Face.
ReplyDeletemarijuana is my favourite salad. anyone else?
ReplyDelete