Not an auspicious start to the new year then. It's not even the new year and already I am curiously bereft.
The horror that is Memnoch is leaving Ireland's greenish wet soil for fucking Hamburg of all places.
Hamburg? I mean why would anyone go to Hamburg? I'm sure it's lovely and all, but why would you go there?
Earlier today, full of Christmas dinners and up to the gils with booze, I pinched more than an inch, shrieked and took myself post haste off to Memnoch's gym for a swift kicking about. There were not many of us there, but Claire was there, muttering darkly about her scales being wrong and her mother's cooking so I felt better.
Memnoch was there, looking strangely serene.
We got changed and warmed up, groaning softly as the sweets and cakes and biscuits clung desperately to our thighs and guts.
We sparred one on one, and did some mild conditioning using star jumps and squats with the lighter kettle bells. Hard after a few days of gluttony, but overall the class was was easy, too easy. Claire and I exchanged nervous glances as we cooled down.
Something was afoot.
And lo. It bloody well was.
'I have something to tell you.' Memnoch said to our terrified febrile faces.
We waited for him to speak again. The Canadian-who must surely live there- leaned forward.
'I have been offered a post teaching Muay Thai in Hamburg. And I'm going to take it up.'
We gaped at him.
'Hamburg?' I said,
'You?' Claire said.
'Hamburg?' I said again.
He laughed and we gasped collectively.
Memnoch laughing with us, not at us, unthinkable..
Anyway, he's off to Hamburg in Februrary, for a bloody year no less.
'I got my first black eye here.' Claire said wisfully.
'He gave me concussion.' I said mournfully, hoisting my bag over my shoulder and unstrapping my hand.
'Fancy a drink?'
'Might as bloody well.'
We went off and had a Mojito. We toasted Memnoch and his nefarious ways.
'Guess we will have to look for another club.'
'But where?' I wailed. 'And with what style?'
'Fuck. Back to the belt system.'
'Back to fucking minimal contact and wanky stylised moves.'
'Shit. I can't believe he's going.'
'Did you ever consider that we might be masochists?'
Claire didn't answer. She didn't need to.
I am depressed.