Monday, November 20, 2006

If wishes were horses...


I'd be knee deep in horse shit this very second.
I wish I had an extra two hours in bed.
I wish I didn't have to meet my mother later on to day for lunch.
I wish the 'thing' I'm working on right now would somehow mysteriously do itself- but brilliantly.
I wish when people say, 'I'll call you with that information' they follow through.
I wish when people then say 'Right sorry, I'll get back to you in five' they actually do so.
I wish the Harpy would stop timing her comings and goings with my post weekend trips to the bottle bank.
I wish I somehow never gained a single pound and stayed toned and fit from eating lashings of buttered toast and marmalade.
I wish I had a natural love for running like Finn, instead of it sometimes being a real struggle to haul my ass out the door.
I wish the paramour had never told me about the horse spunk swallowing scene in Jackass 2.
I wish people who eat fish would stop calling themselves Vegetarians.
I wish the little Goth Kid would give me back the boot she borrowed from me.
I wish she didn't think Paris Hilton is funny.
I wish I knew where the hell my other dangly earring went.
I wish Catherine Zeta Jones woud stop wearing hideous smock styled dresses made from sofa material.

21 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Christ, I wouldn't have recognised her... talk about lamb dressed as mutton. And has she had a boob job? Besides the one attached to her hand...

ps... swim, don't run... you can be sylph-like without the hardship, and eat all the buttered toast you like.

10:19 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I am a poor swimmer, and I find it deathly boring. Besides, I'm fine once I'm actually out and about...But it's the getting out part I hate.
I'm planning to to do the Port Tunnel run on the 10th of Dec, so I've got to keep it up.

10:43 a.m.  
Blogger Dr Maroon said...

I've got your earring. It was in the car. Oops.

10:57 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wear a waterproof for the tunnel run... anything that the Minister for Waterford is involved with is going to end unhappily.

11:03 a.m.  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

Given the amount of copycat acts after each Jackass movie, there's gonna be a lot of despunked horses over the next few months

11:09 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I will.
Bleeeeeeeeeee.
Maroon, if you won't even consider cuban heels you can forget it.

11:27 a.m.  
Anonymous alexander bowman said...

Ms.Cat,

I have it on good authority that when C.Z-J. worked at I.T.v. she was doing lift staff on a pay-per-squat basis.

A propos de vendredi: glamour, schlamour...

2:15 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

What I like about CZT is that I am catching up to her with regards to age. In another couple of years I will be older than her, what a gift eh?
Oh here comes my sodding mother. Gotta run.

2:54 p.m.  
Blogger Pure Cork Boy said...

You're a funny cat...

7:24 p.m.  
Blogger Foot Eater said...

I'm with you on the fish-vegetarian thing. My wife calls herself a veggie but eats fish, and I keep pointing out the contradiction.

8:07 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How's the Mammy, did she behave herself? You should bring her to the Jackass fillum, it might soften her cough!

9:12 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Shit no, I don't even want to see that myself. Lunch was dandy, just back from watching Casino Royal, man Mr Craig is in pretty good shape...
Footie, just tell her fish ain't plants, that should sort it out. At least that's what I told the girl on Sunday. Mind you she didn't seem to like my mentioning that, so perhaps better off not mentioning it at all.
Welcome PCB!

9:25 p.m.  
Anonymous emma said...

Also, I don't want to be bitchy, but Zeta-Jones has awfully saggy tits for someone who could easily shell out for a lift. And the dress is odd, to say the least.

12:11 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish the 'thing' I'm working on right now would somehow mysteriously do itself- but brilliantly.

Yes. This describes how I've felt about work for the past month.

9:53 a.m.  
Blogger SheBah said...

..and don't fish eat maggots and flies, which must make her a carnivore. I too saw Casino Royale last night - best movie I've seen for a long time - the cinema audience was actually applauding! Deserves Oscars for everything, credits, photography, stunts, acting - the bond beauties could actually act.......and Daniel Craig, the new Steve McQueen, phenomenal actor, and he looked really buff! Loved every second.

10:14 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

The opening scene rocked. Myself and my spanish friend were in stitches thinking of Brosnan doing that scene. Or poor old Roger Moore.
Man he loooked totally hot coming out of the sea. The two girls beside us actually slithered down int thie seats with delighted little groans.

10:24 a.m.  
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