Leaving My Lover over a Slap Chop.

"You're gonna love my nuts" Yep, oh yep indeedy.

When the paramour asks, 'But Cat, why? Why would you even consider leaving someone like me, for god's sake woman, I make you breakfast on the weekends!' I'm going to grab him by his locks and scream, 'SLAP CHOP! THAT'S THE WHY!!"
I'm telling you, it's not normal to be so fascinated by something like he is fascinated by Slap Chop. He sent me a link to this contraption last week ( think of how much chopping of things we could do), on Saturday when we went to buy soup spoons in Stock he let out a squeak when he discovered a Master Chop in store. But when I suggested he buy it-since he's so fucking gobsessed ( yes, gobsessed) with all things slappy choppy- he guffawed and said- I shit you not- 'Hu-ho, no way Cat, you see only the Slap Chop can be taken apart and cleaned. Nope, it's got to be the authentic Slap Chop.'
This morning he admitted to dreaming about the Slap Chop, where upon I promtly started eyeing up the the rental section in the weekend addition, over bacon and eggs and coffee that he had made.
If I hear one more word about the Slap Chop I will scream.