Thursday, May 25, 2006

Move? What the hell are you talking about?

Damn you mother!
Last night, having spent a good portion of the evening enjoying woman stuff, you know, bath, deep conditioning hair masque, tweezering, painting, pore cleansing, facial mask, pouring wine, settling on couch, you know what I mean, I was foolish enough to take a call, only for me to hear-quelle horror!- the not so dulcet tone of my mother on the other end.
'Mummff' I said, lest the teatree face pack crack. 'Camp calp yue back?'
'Why?' She said, sounding all suspicious. She always sounds suspicious when people don't automatically yabber on phones like she does. 'What are you up to?'
'Facst patt.'
''Harumph,' she said, and proceeded to talk. On and on, bitching about this and that, her hanging baskets that were nowhere near as good as last years, about Etheline-who had been clever enough not to answer- my brother, his wife, all and sundry, telling me about local dead folk ( 'they die in threes you know') about some mysterious pain in her arm (cancer of the arm) and a pain she had in her lower back ( hernia or cancer of the back) and some blinding headache she got when she bent to open the washing machine ( brain cancer) and how her dog was doing very well going to the faith healer and what sort of children had she raised that we would be so bereft of faith and we needn't think she didn't know that we laughed at her behind her back and did I know that 'that one' across the road had a new car and thought she was a 'great one' tearing up and down at all hours and her, mutton dressed up as lamb, she needn't think she was fooling anyone and she...
Anyway it went on and one, after a while my mind was a numb as my face and I had given up trying to drink my wine with a straw. I lay on my back, trying to lip read what Frasier was saying to Niles.
Suddenly I heard '...sure you'll be moving now soon anyway and-'
'Mummmffinn?' I shot up, ' No I wonn.'
'Of course you will. ' My mother said, 'sure you're engaged aren't you? I'm sure you'll be moving in together and I can't see himself moving in there with you, why would he, not when he has that nice house, where did he say it was again?'
'Rathgar.' I said, perfectly. Odd.
'Well then.' She said sniffly. 'You're hardly going to stay in your f'lat'.
I heard myself correct her for the one millionth time. But my heart wasn't in it.
My mind now whirrled and twirrled. Now hold on a minute. Either I am a comlete moron or I am a total idiot. But the thoughts of leaving this...this haven of mine never even entered my head. I looked around wildly. Look, my wallpaper, my book shelves, the sofas, my desk that had taken four men to lift in, the pictures. What was this horrible woman suggesting? Leave? leave? Was she mad?
Anyway I finally got the wench off the phone by promising I would go curtain shopping with her on saturday. I raced off to the bathroom and splashed my face and worked the mask off. Patted it dry, never smear. Then I poured myself a large drink and rang the p-my fiancé.
'Do you think we should move in together!?' I shouted at him when he answered the phone.
'Why are you shouting?' he said tiredly.
'Sorry, sorry, my mother...I, she...well, wait, do you think we should move know in together?'
'Of course, don't you?'
'I, well... sure, but , you know, when? And also, where?'
There was a very long pause that I didn't like, and then. 'Well, I thought soon, and I thought here. You know, it's bigger and there's parking and...'
'What's wrong with here?'
'Nothing. Why are acting all crazy like this?'
'I don't know, ' I said miserably, 'I just never... I swear, it didn't even occurr to me about moving.'
'Well, ' he was laughing slightly, 'when we get married, don't you see us living together?'
'Woody Allen and Mia Farrow didn't. He kept his place and she kept hers.'
'Oh yeah, and look how well that turned out.'
'I know, stupid example.'
'Look Cat, stop worrying, you like it here.'
'I like it here too.'
'Look, ' He sighed then. 'Can we talk about this tomorrow? I've got a very early apointment.'
'Oh sure, sorry.'
'That's okay, look we'll go for a drink tomorrow after work, talk about it then, alright?'
We said goodnight and rung off. The bigger of the cats hopped onto the sofa-where one corner has been all but destroyed by claw sharpening- and headbutted me in the (smooth) cheek. Ouch.
'Would you like a garden?' I asked him. 'You could probably kill things again.'
'Marp.' he said.
Yes, fucking marp indeed.

UPDATE ON YESTERDAY'S POST: As I mentioned ysterday, some of what I feared about the new supreme curt ruling is already starting to take place. Seven men, already jailed for statutory rape, are to have their convictions over-turned and are to be released. The flood gates are opening on this one already.

See, flood gates are alreay starting to open.


Blogger Rosy said...

I I have been looking for ages and ges and AGES(!) for someone who had one of those virtual pets. I just made one, but I can't make it show up on my bog! Please please please PLEASE go to my blog and leave a comment about how you did it? the link is
I would really appreciate it if you would. Bu no hard feelings if you don't, coz I know some people have REAL lives.
Thanks even if u dont.

11:08 a.m.  
Blogger backcare said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:39 a.m.  
Blogger finn said...

forget about you adjusting to rathgar -- what about your poor fiance adjusting to the cats?!?

have you always lived alone?

1:56 p.m.  
Blogger KnackeredKaz said...

Eeeek! Living with a boy?! But what about the days where you do nothing but lounge about in your pjs watching children's telly and eating everything in the fridge. At once. Mixed together in a bowl. What about those days huh? You can't do that if there's a boy in the house!

I have a solution though and I think it's one I'm going to employ myself if I ever find a man willing to marry me. (Actually, I'd settle for a man willing to go on a second date with me, for the love of all that is holy, but I digress.)

Move in with him...BUT make one of the rooms your own. A haven for you, with a sofa, candles, your desk etc whatever you want. That HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO ENTER. So, you can do all the lounging about female stuff surrounded by all your things and you won't feel like you've given everything up. Easy no?

On the other hand you could just move in with him and enjoy the non-stop shagging?

2:38 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Rosy, you just clink on the virtual pets logo and follow the instructions, that 's pretty much it.

Finn, I have pretty much mostly lived alone, short of a very on/off period with a former boyfriend who was nuts, and used to chase my car and scare all my friends. I guess you could say I am very comfortable in my own space. And you're right about the cats, I don't care about them farting about because this is all my stuff, but I can imagine how tense I would be if they started clawing someone else's belongings. And where would they sleep? Inside, outside? What about the hair, what about the fences, what if they went missing? What if the neighbours didn't like them going through their gardens? What if they get lost or hit-god forbid- by a car? What about me? I like living here, I like that I can walk to the gym in a few minutes, that I can walk down town, that...well I like it here. It took years for me to turn this place into the sort of place I like.
Hum, I am perturbed about all this. I don't feel very well actually and Etheline thinks I'm being ridiculous.

2:45 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Mizz Kaz, we crossed in the ether as Docky used to say, see now, why a room when I can have my whole apartment for myself, it makes a kind of sense to retain one's own place. Etheline says 'Oh for fuck's sake, what are you going on about?' But I think our current arrangement is rather sound. And it's not that I'm not thrilled about the whole engagement thing, I am, but other than that I quite like living here and you know, seeing each other a lot during the week but having our own space. Honestly, I don't see what is so weird about that.

2:54 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heartfelt congratulations on your engagement.I wish you all the luck and love you deserve.xx


3:05 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Thank you Ronnie.

3:09 p.m.  
Blogger finn said...

ms cat i believe we are cut from the same loincloth. i totally get your anxiety; i had the same.

your cats will probably adjust faster than you will, so you needn't fret about them. yourself is a different matter.

i like kaz's idea of a room of your own in rathgar (which sounds so very Lord of the Rings). there you can fit your desk and bookshelves (just getting your books in a new place is halfway to making it yours, yes?), and you can retreat there to be alone. yer man sounds easy-going enough to allow you to start writing your personality over his house -- but if on the day of your move-in you find all over the house yellow post-its that say "no touchie," beware. or just run away.

finally, do your daily skeds overlap in such a way that you'll each have your own alone time in the house, w/o the other there? that might help too.

hugs to you, fmc. it is a big leap to step away from comfort, but it is a great adventure too.

3:44 p.m.  
Blogger KnackeredKaz said...

Right, I hear you on the space thing. Very often I like to sit alone and just....sit, you know? I guess newer-agey people than I would call it meditating. (I just call it sitting and staring though).

But - and now don't hate me or hunt me down and slap me - you're engaged now (*Kaz backs away*) so it's kinda a given that you'll spend most of your time with the person you've just agreed to...well, spend most of your time with! Both parties will need to make adjustments, that goes with the territory of moving your relationship along.

See how I don't say 'spend ALL your time with' though...just cos you live with him, doesn't mean he'll take over or that you'll lose being you...But honestly, whatever about during your engagement, when you're married, living together is necessary I believe. I really don't think seperate homes would be good.

I will point out at this juncture though that I've never been married or engaged and thus know NOTHING about any of this, so do take my comments with a pinch of salt (and a margherita if you so desire!)

4:39 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Yes well, you cyber folk are all SOOO much nicer than my sisters who think I'm either A) Acting like a fucking spoiled eegit! (Etheline)
or B) Afraid of committment (elder kinder sister)
He does have a spare room that he-laughingly- informed me was his gym (it was empty apart from a few dusty looking weights and a broken exercise bike) I suppose that could be made into an office of sorts. On the other hand there is a lot of carpet at his house, and furniture that could do with going in a skip and lots of things like playstations and pro evolution soccer thingies and all manner of footballs. And what he refers to as the garden is some kind of weed infested field with a rusty bar-b-cue and a moss and ivy covered shed that even he claims not to know what is inside.
And he doesn't really seem to have a lot of shelving. And I have a lot of books. Which fit fine here. On my many shelves. In my carpet free home.
I'm going to stop now, I'm starting to annoy myself. I'm being ridiculous. Etheline is right and that scares me rigid.

5:08 p.m.  
Blogger finn said...

it's kinda a given that you'll spend most of your time with the person you've just agreed to...well, spend most of your time with!

not necessarily. some couples do everything together; some do some many things apart. every relationship's unique.

etheline's not by de facto right, either; and you're not being ridiculous. it is a huge step to move out of your place -- one of the classic life stressors, along with death & divorce.

can you take it step-by-step? it's not like you have to move tomorrow...

5:24 p.m.  
Anonymous eviltwinsister said...

Firstly, congratulation, FMC, why don't you just keep both places on and make it a very gradual move? This of course will depend on if you own your own place in which case you can keep it as yours and retreat to it to a) do your work and B) get easily to the gym. You could also spend the odd night there when you want to. You could then ease yourself and your possessions into his place (or a new place you choose together) and rent out your own place eventually for extra income. It's also always something to fall back on then. But as my mother always says 'a change is a good as a rest' so good luck with whatever you decide.

5:24 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

FMC I have the perfect solution - you should both move! That way you're both moving into neutral territory, and you can easily claim parts of the house as yours. Also prepare for havoc with the cats. I don't know which came first, the apartment or the cats, but when I moved a while back my cat kept trying to escape up the chimney. She's mental though.

7:29 p.m.  
Blogger Stuckwidiot2 said...

Amen to the idea of getting a new place together.
Reason #1- Gives you a plausible excuse for why you can not take anymore phone calls from mommy- much too busy now for that nonsense.
Reason #2- You get to stretch this thing out and see how you feel as you are both forced into making mutual decisions together that can test any relationship.
Reason #3- See Reason #1

8:23 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

Leaving my own little apartment was the toughest thing about getting married. It was too small for two, and not good for his commute to work every day, but it was a fabulous little haven for me, and walking distance (1.25 miles) to my office...

I love the guy, but jeez...I miss living alone. Like you read about!

I agree with Kaz. Make sure you have a room of your own. Call it your "office," but make sure it has a comfy chair and books, maybe even a small TV. Everyone needs their own little space. Mine has my computer, exercise equipment and a room for a comfy chair or book cases, but when we start shopping for a house, I'll be insisting on getting a least four bedrooms. Oh, and a fireplace...oh, and a huge yard...and let's not forget the wet bar...

12:18 a.m.  
Blogger Face said...

It's YOUR relationship/engagement, not your ma's or Etheline's or anyone else's.
Everyone's arrangement is different, and to suit.
Stand your ground.
I think the idea of keeping the apartment but spending time at his is a good one to consider.
As someone who has lived with boyfriends for years at a time, it can be nice to have your own space if you need it.

9:07 a.m.  
Blogger SheBah said...

FMC - unless he's the kind of guy who has no hobbies and no outside interests, who hangs around the house and follows you to the loo, it won't even be an issue. (though he might do all those things for the first few months when passion is at its highest- even the ironing board won't be a safe place!) Most women complain they don't see enough of their blokes as they are off playing footie, golf, tennis. pub etc. etc. so fear not fair lady, it probably won't be a 60 second issue.

10:32 a.m.  
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