Saturday, October 14, 2006


Is there anything more painful than stubbing your toe on the corner of a book case on your way back to bed at five thirty in the morning? I don't want to hear anything about childbirth either. Nobody can ever win against you lot.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The "Zip up your Mickey" pain is comparable. Not the Twink ZUYM, but the one a la "There's Something About Mary". And you get this one twice: the initial "AAAAAAAAARGH!" when the article gets caught in the teeth on the zipping up, followed by the "JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-SUS!" of the rescue when the whole agony has to be repeated in the other direction.

10:02 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Hum, that is velly painful all right.
Country gay was once so drunk he zipped up his winkle and had to go to his father's house -some hours later- to get help getting it off. His dad had to cut the teeth of the zip with a hack saw and CG had actually sipped about an inch and a half of loose skin. He said the worst part of it was the healing over the next three weeks.That an eye contact with his father.
I once pulled a muscle in my fanny trying to kick off a particularly tight boot, that hurt a lot.

10:14 a.m.  
Blogger Dr Maroon said...

You have muscles in your fandango? I'm giving you another point forthwith.

What about walking into a door end on, in the dark, that is open that you thought was shut. It can take several days to get over that one.

10:44 a.m.  
Anonymous Devin said...

O.C.pepper spray liberally applied to your mucous membranes (feel free to get creative there)will make you vomit from the pain.It's a hoot watching those afflicted running around and bouncing off walls and each other though.

1:28 p.m.  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

You have my sympathy. I wrote something similar at my place a while back:

The Torturer's Devices

As for foreskins in zips - yup, did that one in a sleeping bag once.

That was back in the days when I had a foreskin.

Long story. Won't bore you with it now.

2:13 p.m.  
Blogger Dr Maroon said...

surely you mean back in the days when you had a sleeping bag?

2:59 p.m.  
Anonymous Conor said...

Childbirth eh? I still remember the pain of my wife squeezing my left hand and embedding my wedding ring into my middle finger. All because of a few contractions.

3:20 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

No do bore is with it Kim- wait, that sounds totally wrong. Just tell us, what happened to your foreskin?

4:40 p.m.  
Anonymous Bonnie said...

You're right - all you non-breeders don't know pain until you've had a contraction. Or had your skin stretched far enough to accomodate that baby's big head. But next up might be stepping on some sharp little plastic or metal toy in your bare feet with your full body weight (which has increased as a result of child birth!!)

4:49 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Stop it Bonnie! You're making my bladder ache.

5:03 p.m.  
Blogger John Mc said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:28 a.m.  
Blogger John Mc said...

Getting a kick in the balls anyone? I once got accidentally slammed by a 6'6" rugby player (on my team), who went on to represent Ireland in the world championships in the decathlon. I met him a few years back, over a decade since I had last seen him, and he still apologises - and I still remember the pain.

That said, I have witnessed childbirth three times. Once when only half the epidural kicked in, once totally without drugs (my daughter was in a hurry), and once fully with drugs - and I would cut off my own balls rather than go through any of those three experiences (thank you, my darlin' wife, for sparing me).

3:59 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Yep John, I saw a guy get a football in the crotch once and every lad playing winced and did that hissing sound. The chap in question of crouched down for a long time and then had to be led off the pitch. Must be agony.
Oh bloomin' childbirth, see, I knew we'd never top it. My sister maintains that her mind blanks out how painful it is and that she only remembers each time she gave birth. She said it's mother nature's panacea, other wise women would never do it more than once in their lives.

11:07 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No do bore is with it Kim- wait, that sounds totally wrong. Just tell us, what happened to your foreskin?

Once it involves lots of unbearable pain and loss of blood I'm happy to hear about it.

6:10 p.m.  
Blogger Binty McShae said...

Having a pile removed by process of the doctor puncturing it with a scalpel and squeezing it like a zit - with no anaesthetic, naturally.

When a Doctor says "This won't hurt a bit" it usually kills. The fact that mine said "This WILL be VERY painful" should have given me a clue.

8:43 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Why the hell didn't he use a local anaesthetic for that?

12:19 p.m.  
Blogger Binty McShae said...

Apparently they just don't. It's too quick a procedure.

According to a good friend of mine who has been through childbirth several times and had one of her piles burst by a doctor the pile thing is the much more excruciating and painful of the two. However, as I am never going to experience childbirth I will never be able to verify that...

6:11 a.m.  
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