posted by fatmammycat at 9:07 a.m.
I'm a bouncy, opinionated, messy haired marathon running (!) bibliophile. I wear high heels and have delightful ankles. I'm a devoted drinker. I want a French Bulldog puppy whom I shall call Batman and dress in capes on occasion. I would also like a pug, whom I shall name Mister Woo. He can remain capeless, but I will make sure he wears a diamante collar at all times. Both dogs will submit to repeated snorgling and high pitched squeals that only a dolphin would normally tolerate. I hate Reiki/psychics/mystics/frauds with all my liver. Also, I'm firmly against Jazz and poetry/poems/pomes/ peoms or any of that stuff. I believe in the healing power of ginger.
18 Comments:
The "Zip up your Mickey" pain is comparable. Not the Twink ZUYM, but the one a la "There's Something About Mary". And you get this one twice: the initial "AAAAAAAAARGH!" when the article gets caught in the teeth on the zipping up, followed by the "JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-SUS!" of the rescue when the whole agony has to be repeated in the other direction.
Hum, that is velly painful all right.
Country gay was once so drunk he zipped up his winkle and had to go to his father's house -some hours later- to get help getting it off. His dad had to cut the teeth of the zip with a hack saw and CG had actually sipped about an inch and a half of loose skin. He said the worst part of it was the healing over the next three weeks.That an eye contact with his father.
I once pulled a muscle in my fanny trying to kick off a particularly tight boot, that hurt a lot.
You have muscles in your fandango? I'm giving you another point forthwith.
What about walking into a door end on, in the dark, that is open that you thought was shut. It can take several days to get over that one.
O.C.pepper spray liberally applied to your mucous membranes (feel free to get creative there)will make you vomit from the pain.It's a hoot watching those afflicted running around and bouncing off walls and each other though.
You have my sympathy. I wrote something similar at my place a while back:
The Torturer's Devices
As for foreskins in zips - yup, did that one in a sleeping bag once.
That was back in the days when I had a foreskin.
Long story. Won't bore you with it now.
surely you mean back in the days when you had a sleeping bag?
Childbirth eh? I still remember the pain of my wife squeezing my left hand and embedding my wedding ring into my middle finger. All because of a few contractions.
No do bore is with it Kim- wait, that sounds totally wrong. Just tell us, what happened to your foreskin?
You're right - all you non-breeders don't know pain until you've had a contraction. Or had your skin stretched far enough to accomodate that baby's big head. But next up might be stepping on some sharp little plastic or metal toy in your bare feet with your full body weight (which has increased as a result of child birth!!)
Stop it Bonnie! You're making my bladder ache.
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Getting a kick in the balls anyone? I once got accidentally slammed by a 6'6" rugby player (on my team), who went on to represent Ireland in the world championships in the decathlon. I met him a few years back, over a decade since I had last seen him, and he still apologises - and I still remember the pain.
That said, I have witnessed childbirth three times. Once when only half the epidural kicked in, once totally without drugs (my daughter was in a hurry), and once fully with drugs - and I would cut off my own balls rather than go through any of those three experiences (thank you, my darlin' wife, for sparing me).
Yep John, I saw a guy get a football in the crotch once and every lad playing winced and did that hissing sound. The chap in question of crouched down for a long time and then had to be led off the pitch. Must be agony.
Oh bloomin' childbirth, see, I knew we'd never top it. My sister maintains that her mind blanks out how painful it is and that she only remembers each time she gave birth. She said it's mother nature's panacea, other wise women would never do it more than once in their lives.
No do bore is with it Kim- wait, that sounds totally wrong. Just tell us, what happened to your foreskin?
Once it involves lots of unbearable pain and loss of blood I'm happy to hear about it.
Having a pile removed by process of the doctor puncturing it with a scalpel and squeezing it like a zit - with no anaesthetic, naturally.
When a Doctor says "This won't hurt a bit" it usually kills. The fact that mine said "This WILL be VERY painful" should have given me a clue.
Why the hell didn't he use a local anaesthetic for that?
Apparently they just don't. It's too quick a procedure.
According to a good friend of mine who has been through childbirth several times and had one of her piles burst by a doctor the pile thing is the much more excruciating and painful of the two. However, as I am never going to experience childbirth I will never be able to verify that...
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