Friday, October 06, 2006

Tiresome Friends.

I have a friend who everytime he drinks turns into a completely different person. And he drinks a lot. I like person one, funny, enigmatic, charming, and I dislike very much person two, whingy, maudlin, self-obsessed. It's as close to a real life Jekyll and Hyde situation as I've ever seen.
This guy drives me nuts. I like him hugely but he really knows how to poke the tiger with a stick. He was a pivotal part of a group of us from years back. As is the fatmammycat way, I of course fell out with this group and in a burst of tears and 'fuck yous!' I went abroad and lived a very good life for a time.
I stayed in touch with this friend and we hashed out our differences. I did no such thing with the other lot and to this day they can still go fuck themselves with razor wire, although naturally I wish them well.
So far so dandy right? I mean we're not kids, we don't have to 'make friends' right?
Well apparently not. Because here I am sitting scowlingly at my desk -hungover- with my ears ringing from another evening's bout of 'But why can't we all just get along?'
This kind of thing wears a person down after a while. I know there are some people in the world who hate not talking to people and despair over bad feelings, I'm not one of them. I think if you don't like a person or their actions then there is no earthly reason to have anything to do with them again.
Is this wrong?
I don't care if it is or not. Life is not a bloody school yard.
That is all.
Where the jiggery balls are the painkillers.

26 Comments:

Anonymous Cate said...

Dead on. I agree fully. I have a small number of very close friends whom I love dearly and love me unconditionally. This is all you need.

9:41 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Exactly. I have a number of acquaintances whose company I enjoy and they're good for a laugh, but very small band of actual friends. Probably five and that would be about it. And they are people I've known a very long time and I trust them.
My mother does this shit with me as well.
' Tanya was asking for you the other day.'
'Who?'
'Tayna Walsh, you went to school with her! She's a lovely girl, married now. Works in Quinns butchers.'
'Mmmn.'
'She's always asking for you.'
Silence.
'She was a friend of yours, you must remember her!'
'Is she still a geebag and a bully?'
'I don't know why I bother talking to you.'

10:18 a.m.  
Blogger SheBah said...

Like both of you, I have a small group of friends - but I have a wide circle of what I call "circumstantial acquaintances" people I have met at various schools/part time jobs etc. I hang out with for a few months or a few years and then move on. If someone makes you feel bad, guilty or becomes an obligation rather than life enhancing, it's better to gently ease away from them and move on. Why, through guilt or sentimentality have a necklace of albatrosses (is that a plural?) around your neck. You need to look forward with pleasure to seeing a friend. God, I sound like a heartless bitch!

10:31 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

You do not. You sound perfectly logical to me. Because my mother lives in a village she assumes friendships that don't exist. I can't stand half the people down there, nasty bunch of vicious gossipy old whores.
It's an age thing too. I can't be arsed pretending to like people I wouldn't piss on if they were burning, where as I might have in my youth. I wouldn't be rude either, I just don't pretend. That pink haired harridan I run into from time to time, I'm starting to develop a certain amount of irked respect for her, she doesn't pretend either.

10:45 a.m.  
Blogger P1P said...

Yep.

I have my friends and aquaintainces. I see no reason to deal with people who piss me off. I don't feel bad about cutting them out of my life. Life is too short to have tossers hanging around your neck like some sort of millstone.

Fuck them, fuck them right in the ear.

I don't get the I must send a card to this person as I knew them years ago. I don't give a crap if they have children or a third ball.

Good luck to em and all that but I will kill the first person that gives them my address or phone number. Kill them, burn their house down and seed the ground with salt to emphasise the point and as a warning to others.

10:45 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I feel very cranky today. And I have a meeting later on and that's making me crankier. Meetings on Fridays, not velly velly gud.
Throw slugs at them p1p, that'll teach 'em.

10:49 a.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Hi Fmc, you're right, intense group friendships like that often come to a bad end, or drift into the kind of cancerous insincerity worthy of stage treatment. Yuck...

11:50 a.m.  
Blogger oldcrow61 said...

Nah, get rid of him, he's not worth your effort.

12:05 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

All of the above. I have many friends, some close, some peripheral, but a good hang.

I'm still in touch with a college friend and long-time roommate who thinks I'm being hard ass by not wanting to be friends with another old college friend and roommate. It's not that I don't wish her well, but there were many things she did while we were friends that are indicators of a very irresponsible, untrustworthy, selfish, self-centered disposition, and simply not 'good friend' material.

Wish her the best, but...no. Not the type of personality I want to have in my life if I can help it.

2:28 p.m.  
Blogger SheBah said...

....and perhaps we all have enough tiresome relatives to make us feel guilty and obligated! I know I do and they are bloody exhausting. But that's a whole other story!

2:41 p.m.  
Anonymous Cate said...

I was just about to leave a comment but I've forgotten what it was I had to say because the phone rang and as it turns out..I may have a new job.

4:45 p.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

No SheBah that's in fact a very good point!

You can't choose your relatives, but you can choose your friends - so why on earth would you "choose" to pretend getting along with people that you don't really like?

4:46 p.m.  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

Of course the biggest problem with making up with someone you've fallen out with is discovering that because of a misunderstanding it was actually your fault after all, and they didn't actually deserve the several years of bile you've thrown at them since.

That's just too embarrasing.

4:46 p.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Mornin' sweetheart,

I've rarely fallen out with somebody about one particular thing. Well I have, but have usually made it up. Growing up in the house I did I kind of grew into the role of peacemaker. I was usually always the first to apologize whether or not it was my fault. When I was younger, this often translated to "wimp" as I made more concessions to make up than the other party. But as I've got older I've learnt not to compromise myself so much for the sake of peace. And, counter to my expectations about that, I can still usually sort something out.

It all depends on the personalities involved, of course. I could have many arguments with somebody I might consider wrong-headed about a thing, but good-hearted in themselves, and never really fall out with them just because they disagree with me.

I just can't abide the sneaky. I get all bloody irrational and hateful about the sneaky and the dishonest. By dishonest I don't mean telling the odd whopper, I mean deep down, fundamentally dishonest in nature; being habitually unfair and untrue to any sorts of scruples about how a human being should treat others. Doing bad stuff below the radar and trying to lie their way out of the holes they're constantly digging for themselves; thinking everyone is like them and thinks like them and if we're not then we're fools. I fucking hate these people.

There are a few people i've known (note past tense) whose patterns of behaviour, bone-deep low cunning, and few personal scruples (despite presenting an "i'm awfully decent and i'm terribly easily shocked by all manner of things" facade to the world) have reached a point that I can no longer deal with them. People who will sell you out for a Tic-Tac. These people make me angry and grumpy to think about and I feel it coming on now grrrrrrrrr. People like that, I'd just as soon never see again, but then usually, I never really liked them that much in the first place.

There must surely be those times though, when tempers have flared over something in particular, where it's better just to bury the hatchett and, even if you don't remain such good friends, at least the toxicity's gone. That's hard on a person. I have a hard enough time thinking about some people without spitting bile without including all the people I've ever had a misunderstanding with.

Trouble with me is I'm not myself at times cos of the MD thing and I owe people the benefit of the doubt when I'm acting goofy. I have to because I really need them to give me the benefit of the doubt sometimes.

It's pretty hard to piss me off, although when I decide enough's enough with someone I walk right the hell away from them.

5:50 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Evening! I was out, meetings don't you know. Waht I thought might not be velly gud turned in velly gud indeed, The cats will eat for another year.
First off- Congrats cate. Now job eh? I hope it pays lots and you love it. Is it a totally new direction or same ield?
Shebah, ah yes the relative vice, tightening every year it seems, how ever will we escape?
Andraste, I simply cannot imagine anyone crossing you, the dozy fools, didn't they know the peril they were in?
Kim- I'm never wrong, and even when I am, I'm not.
Sam, morning lovie, Friday, ain't it sweet? Sneaky, yes filthy fuckers. I don't like sneaky one little bit either. I went to boarding school and trust me, sneaky is a way of bloody life with some wenches, a pox upon them.
Oldcrow, hello, and that was awfully sad about Tommy.
Eva-damn straight.
Conan-see above and welcome.

6:45 p.m.  
Blogger Dr Maroon said...

FMC, Tanya was a loverly girl, always ready with a smile,

SheBah you do sound like a heartless bitch.
a necklace of albatrosses? a festerin' and a putrifyin'? just because they missed you out of the round down the pub once?

And then young p1p, tosser millstones round your neck?


dear dear dear, nice to be nice.

7:36 p.m.  
Anonymous madnessburgers said...

Heh heh! I love the idea of shedding the old coat of unwanted "friends" FMC. I feiced off to america and learned the ideas of "passive aggressive" (very bad) and "speaking your mind" (very good). Now whenever I return home I eat the faces off people who piss me off and only have fun with the few people I truly love. No pretending any more. Its an immensely freeing experience although my good friends think Ive turned into some crazy screaming bitchface. Perhaps so but it makes for a good show. And its no harm that I fly 6000 miles away after the fireworks.

8:50 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Always ready with a chinese burn, the lardy arse bucktoothed lipthing bitch.
Ah, passive aggressive, my mother's most favourite of all tools.
Okay, Friday night, off out to sup booze. Have a righteous weekend folks.

9:00 p.m.  
Blogger Face said...

It can be very scarey, but mostly its just annoying, when people are Jekyll and Hyde-ey with the booze.
Especially when its yourself. Sometimes I get drunk and have a great old time, but alot of the time recently I seem to just get depressed and upset. Not something I would choose to be, but the good times are great, so what to do? Drink Up!

3:40 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Gin makes me a bit glummy glum sometimes, but rum's a good drink for the jollies.

1:23 p.m.  
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