My cat's bigger than your cat.
My friend has two cats, they are -by her account- very clever cats indeed. They do not eat food they do not like. They speak good English, they are above licking their cat holes, oh and if they are itchy they do not scratch because they know not to. And they are allowed on the work tops because if you make them get down they get upset and sulk. They only drink water from a glass.
I listened to this for a while and snorted.
'Why are you snorting?' She asked.
'Because I have cats, they are cats, they do cat things. And if they don't like the food I buy them tough shit, they either eat it or starve.'
'Yes but your cats are moggies.'
'So they're not as sensitive as mine. Burmese cats are very clever. Much more clever than other breeds of cat.'
I stewed on this for a while. It is true that my lot aren't Burmese. But not as clever?
'You know, maybe they're not the brightest animals in the world, maybe they have learned being on the counter tops mean a flicking with a damp t-towel. Maybe they know to eat what they're given and be happy about it, maybe they do drink out of the toilet bowl every so often, the dumb happy bastards, but you know what?'
'My cats are bigger than yours.'