Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Pizza, turns out it's not lettuce, shock.

By now you know how I feel about Nanny State activities in this country.
I'm against it!
I think people -by and large, there are always total idiots- know that smoking is not good for them, fireworks might blowup too soon and cost you a finger, shooting people in the back might result in you going to jail, driving drunk as a lord and too fast might get you killed and buying two packets of painkillers in the supermarket does not a sucidal lunatic make.
Therefore it was with great mocking, mildly outraged snorts I read the following this very early morning...

"Domino's Pizzas, the world's biggest pizza delivery chain, is advertising its products on Irish television with alcohol-style health warnings.'

Jesus Christ. Read on and weep.

"Homer Simpson's adage, "If it tastes good, it must be good for you", is being reconfigured by the firm, which is encouraging customers to eat pizza "in moderation".
The company, which sponsors 'The Simpsons' on Sky One, has begun an Irish TV campaign which also says that pizza should only be eaten as "part of a sensible, balanced diet"."

Really, part of? You don't say...

"The chain, which has 12 stores in Ireland (its Tallaght branch sells 200 pizzas an hour - more than at any of the 8,000 other outlets around the world), began running the adverts last weekend in a campaign that mirrors those being run by the drinks industry, which urges consumers to drink the products "responsibly".
Pizza contains significant quantities of salt and saturated fats, which critics say can contribute to obesity and encourage a junk-food diet, among children in particular.
However, Domino's is also running the ads after the 9pm watershed when many children are no longer watching.

A spokesman for the Broadcasting Commission of Ireland said the ads were in line with plans to stop fatty, sugary and salt-laden foods being aimed at children.

Earlier this year, health promotion bodies called for a total ban on the advertising of junk food before the 9pm watershed to tackle Ireland's soaring child obesity problem.

No ads for foods high in fat, sugar and salt should be permitted on TV before 9pm, the Irish Heart Foundation and National Heart Alliance told the Oireachtas Committee on Health yesterday.

The marketing of unhealthy foods to young children is "on a massive scale" and increases the risk of obesity, the organisations said.

In 2004, Domino's was criticised for introducing a double-decker pizza called Double Decadence in an ad campaign starring US actor Leslie Neilsen.

A medium-sized Double Decadence contains nearly 1,800 calories and more than 60 grammes of fat - almost the total recommended daily calorific intake of an average woman.

International studies show that junk food ads seriously undermine recommended diets, encouraging children to seek unhealthy products and to use "pester power" to get what they want."

Let us look at that last little line for a mo, shall we?
'Pester power?'
Since the dawn of time kids have asked for things, 'can I have a new puppy?' 'Can I stay out half an hour later?' 'If I do my room will you give me a lift to the stables? Whatcha mean no? It's ten miles away... bike? Bike? That's it! I'm adopted, aren't I?"
It was never given a snazzy tag line such as 'perster power', I thought it was just kids asking for stuff. And you know the great thing about kids asking for stuff?
It's not the bloody kids watching ads that we should be worried about. It's stupid inefficent parents that cannot say 'no' to kids that we should be twitching our eyebrows over. Why can't we have adverts for delicious junk food before nine? Watershed? For food? Give me a god damn break!
'Mom, that looks yummy, can we have it for dinner?'
'No, we're having potato, gravy, peas and chicken.'
' Well I'm not eating that.'
'Okay, but it's all you're getting.'
We should run ads showing that! We should run those ads twenty four seven. Look parents, John is throwing a tantrum, he wants that, what are you going to do? ZZZZZZZZPPPP! That's right. JUST SAY NO! Kiddie's looking a bit chubby round the old chops? What can we do? Blame the advert? ZZZZZZZZPPPPPP! Well in, take responsibility, cut back on the calories and spend some time walking, playing football, biking, whatever it is that gets them moving. Did ya really think he was losing a ton of fat playing pro evolution soccer? Did ya? Slap. He wasn't.
The rise in obesity is nothing more than people eating too much ready made food and not being active enought to burn off the calories they are ingesting. It's not offensive to point this out. It's not rocket science either, it's not pollution causing obesity, it's not 'your glands' it's not junk food and it's not adverts. It is our inability to say no, either to ourselves or to our children.
Change the way you eat -personally I think diets are a load of crap and a blight on people's bank accounts- and exercise more. Or don't, stay chubby, get larger.
It's your choice, that's democracy for ya.


Blogger SheBah said...

Hear, hear. I don't believe in the concept of junk food - it's all just food, and only bad or good dependentant on the quantity we eat. Overeating is a habit - one most of us have indulged in at some time - and it seems to me it's mostly done out of boredom. When we are busy we often forget to eat. I know someone who has a full Irish breakfast every day, a substantial lunch and dinner and also a light supper - 4 meals a day -(and the odd Guinness or two!) he works hard as a landscape gardener and plays footie in his spare time and he is slim, fit and healthy. As you say, it depends on how much you eat in relation to your work/exercise output.

11:08 a.m.  
Blogger SheBah said...

dependant, even.

11:13 a.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

I blame television. Oh, and the internet. Yes, I blame television and the internet. And Bebo, and video games too. And lower standards generally. Yes, I blame lower standards. And the fact that mammies cant be mammies anymore and have to be mortgage slaves and don't have time to cook and skivvy after their reducing broods.
You'd be saying "NO!!!" for an hour and have an almighty row whereas you can swipe money plastic in 2 secs.
The Drummlets all know that 'No' means 'No'... actually they know that 'No' means 'Fuck right off and stop annoying me!!'
Oh, and I blame social workers and their no-blame witterings, and d-i-v-o-r-c-e. I have no doubt that the consumption of pizza has gone up greatly in this country since we brought in d-i-v-o-r-c-e...

11:21 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

YES! EXACTLY! It's tiring having to warn the fools about everything. Shitty parents letting their kids tuck into shitty food every day.

You have a kid you are responsible until they become an adult. It pisses me off when people sit next to their kid throwing a tantrum saying I can't do a thing with her.

Try foot up arse. Try saying no and sticking to it. Try being consistent you appalling excuse for a parent.

I do believe that thereshould be penalties imposed on people though.

Eat all you want but when it comes to bypass time you will be charged. Smoke all you want but if you need a new lung and wont quit you are at the back of the queue.

Should there be penalties for parents who don't feed their kids properly? Very sticky subject. If you beat your child you can go to jail. If you fuck up their body by feeding them rubbish nothing happens.

I hate the nanny state but it appears some people cannot be trusted to give a shit about their own children.

11:27 a.m.  
Anonymous Conor said...

Can I just say Mmmmmm, pizza.

Don't care whether it's made from scratch by my fair hands or a €2.99 Goodfellas job.

The only warning Domino's should put in their ad is "Danger. Mediocre overpriced pizza. May disappoint"

As for people not giving a shit about their kids, well it's been like that since humans first walked the earth. However bad they have it now, it beats cholera and cleaning chimneys.

11:58 a.m.  
Blogger Dr Maroon said...

There were some middle class people on the radio the other day discussing how realistic some computer tennis game was. “really wonderful” said one, “my 10 year old was playing it.”
That’s the point.
Why not get him to drag his coca cola butt down the park with a racquet and ball. It’s even more realistic.

200 pizzas an hour from the one shop? You must really love your pizza. It’s not something one would immediately associate with Ireland. Maybe they put shamrock on it or something.

12:36 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I don't even like bloody pizza, but the idea that an advert showing how cheesey and scrummy it is should be followed by no doubt a sombre voice saying...'pizza, eat sensibly and in moderation' makes me fume. If they do an advert for kitchen knives will a sombre voice follow with ..'kitchen knives, do not stab yourself or others with them' ?
If people want to eat pizza every day let 'em.
It's the same with booze, I don't need some diagio spokeperson saying 'drink sensibly' at the end of every advert, sometimes I will sometimes I won't, either way I'll do what I want and a suggestion won't make the blindest bit of difference to me.
Shebah, you don't be any chance have any photos of this fit strong gardener do ya? I"m just asking.

2:04 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

All of the above. Domino's does suck, but I consider pizza a pretty healthy alternative to fast food. A few slices followed by a few bites of salad? That's a pretty good, easy dinner.

(I also second the request for photo of aforementioned gardener. Working at the landscaping, sweaty, in jeans and shirtless, please.)

2:41 p.m.  
Blogger SheBah said...

He is lovely, but sadly taken already. I am about fourth in the queue of damsels willing to drop at his feet! Plus, he'd cost a fortune to feed!
I agree with Andraste that a slice of pizza with salad makes a nice meal. You don't have to eat a whole pizza, but those of us brought up not to waste food find it difficult to just stop when we've had enough and chuck the rest.

5:08 p.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I told my kids (they're 4) a while back that McDonalds was for silly people who didn't know how to eat well.

A few weeks later we were walking past the McDonalds in the airport wen both of them started shrieking and pointing at "the silly people, Mummy says they're silly people!." The silly people looked at me in disdain mingled with pity. It made me want chips. But the proper kind: big, fat wedges of real potato, not some pale, etiolated iimitation.

Today, I scraped them (the girls) out of their beds, which I never usually have to do, because of the massive crash they were experiencing after having consumed their own weight in Halloween sweeties at various parties the day before.

It's been a while since I had a hangover of any sort, sugar or alcoholic, and I couldn't help feeling a twinge of jealousy that my children are having more chemical fun than me, these days.

5:14 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Chuck the rest? The paramour swears pizza can last many days in a fridge and is most excellent cold.
Don't worry about whether that chap is taken or not, I only want a photo. And like Andraste says, sweaty and, oh I don't know, shirtless, while pulling up weeds with his ripply arms, should do it. It would be super extra cute if you could somehow arrange for him to a have a little bit of dirt on his cheek too. Sigh.
SAM, you're home. Welcome back. Hangovers are filthy things, best avoided. Are you off the wine? The gin? The gin and lime with a sparkly dash of tonic? Say it aint so.
Hum, King cheese and onion Crisps should probably come with a warning, they are very salty and addictive. I am eating some right this second. Yummy.

5:46 p.m.  
Anonymous Devin said...

So is this advisory a voluntary thing that Domino's is doing? Or can we expect more of the same from other fast food places?
A swift fong up the hole usually sorts out tantrum issues in our house (extremely rare and more of a tip 'em over on their arses than a real fong)That and a red card,early bath and BED right in the middle of the day if needed.
Parenting can be very fucking simple.Just do what you (The parent) want.Children have no business with opinions and my mammy says I can say that.
Incidentally if you're the sporty type a nice thin crust veggie pizza is the fucking business post workout/footie/run/ride(ahem..on a BICYCLE you curs!..oh wait..)/kickboxing session.Add lashings of red plonk and you're set.

7:52 p.m.  
Anonymous Devin said...

Apologies for swearing in my last.This has me worked up into a fine old lather.Hmmm maybe I should use it to wash my mouth out.

7:56 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

No apologies needed! Dente lupus, cornu taurus petit, the wolf attacks with fangs the bull with horns, but we, Devin, we will curse merrily at the stupidity of it all.
Seriously, this kind of nonsense would test the patience of anyone. I mean surely all but the most really dumb know that eating pizza and McDonalds and Burger king every day is not a good thing, even that tool Morgan Spurloch worked it out eventually.
I really must have a glass of wine now, if I'm going to work this bloody late I might as well do it comfortably.

8:39 p.m.  
Anonymous Pinkie said...

You are a fecking genius FMC. Put adverts on the tv for parents on how to say no to their kids!! It is just ... fecking genius, how did they not think that up already?

8:43 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I don't know, perhaps I should start up some sort of agency for alternative ads and charge a fortune for it.

8:47 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Common sense and personal responsibility. What the fuck happened to them? We're being brought up by politicians to be more and more dependant on the state tit, which in turn means that collectively we rely on the state to do and think for us more and more. And then one day you wake up, go to work and you find yourself surrounded by people who never do anything wrong, it's always someone else's fault, can't be theirs. It's only six weeks until we hear the lazy perenial reportage about kids, presents and crippling debt. No doubt it'll be the government's fault.

9:17 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

That's what is happening right now. You've got hand wringing and feeble twitching all over the gaff.
My daughter is fat-it's the food industry's fault.
My son killed himself in a car crash at three in the morning on a country road- it's the drink industry/car/government's fault.
My wife commited sucide-it's the supermarket's fault for selling her two packets of Dispirn.
I've maxed out ten credit cards- It's the bank's fault for offering them to me.
It is bullshit. I'm totally against the nanny state. It's become a joke here to see how babyish we all are. And while we may not be able to do much about EVERY Government law, we can still surely be in charge of what we bloody well eat and drink and how much money we spend without state intervention or dire warnings. Enough I say.

9:39 p.m.  
Anonymous Me said...

Oh I SOOO agree! Having come home from a gig and a few nice (too late for a Wed night) drinks afterwards. I'll undoubtedly be tired tomorrow morning. I probably won't do a thing before 10:30 and lots of coffee. But I'll make up for it by staying a little later or working a lot harder post lunch. Personal choice + fun. And a sense of respsonsibility (ish!), and making up for when I've been lacking for it. Waaaaay better than the "I work a strict regime of 9 to exactly 5" types, in my humble opinion. So when did getting into work early become a new badge of non-drinking-smoking-always-healthy-eating honour?

2:36 a.m.  
Blogger Jagd Kunst said...

I will read your post later when I've had less beer but for now I say: breed.

4:33 a.m.  
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