Saturday Morning Trickery!
My sister and my mother have just this very moment departed to Kilkenny. But what's this? Skullduggery is afoot, or was a foot..or, ah fuck it, we was duped and I only discovered it when my mother went to the bathroom.
My sister- 'Thanks a bloody heap.'
Me- 'Ow! Why are you pinching me?'
'Because of you I have to spend the day with her in Kilkenny.' My sister jerks her thumb at the ceiling.
'I thought you wanted to go!' I squeak, afronted and moving out of reach.
'What the hell would make you think that?'
'She told me you did, only you were short a baby sitter.'
'Short! I told her my mother-in-law couldn't mind them because she was in Naas today.'
'And isn't she?'
'Of course she's not. She's at home.'
'Shit.'
'Shit.'
We hear a flush and a moment later my mother appears in the doorway 'Are we all set? We'd better be on our way.'
She turns heel, pats the boy on the head and glides on a cloud of lilac towards the door, ignoring our glowers as only she can.
'Shit.' My sister repeats, picking up her car keys.
'Shit' I say.
'The baby's teething, so she's got a touch of diarrhea. There's Calpol in the nappy bag. Don't bother with the teething ring, she hates it.'
'Shit.'
So that's than then, I've got a full house-complete with teething angry pooing baby (sleeping red faced, fists clenched in her cat seat for the moment). I've got to go actually, I can hear from the outraged screech upstairs that the boy has managed to stuff the bigger of the cats into the linen basket.
My sister- 'Thanks a bloody heap.'
Me- 'Ow! Why are you pinching me?'
'Because of you I have to spend the day with her in Kilkenny.' My sister jerks her thumb at the ceiling.
'I thought you wanted to go!' I squeak, afronted and moving out of reach.
'What the hell would make you think that?'
'She told me you did, only you were short a baby sitter.'
'Short! I told her my mother-in-law couldn't mind them because she was in Naas today.'
'And isn't she?'
'Of course she's not. She's at home.'
'Shit.'
'Shit.'
We hear a flush and a moment later my mother appears in the doorway 'Are we all set? We'd better be on our way.'
She turns heel, pats the boy on the head and glides on a cloud of lilac towards the door, ignoring our glowers as only she can.
'Shit.' My sister repeats, picking up her car keys.
'Shit' I say.
'The baby's teething, so she's got a touch of diarrhea. There's Calpol in the nappy bag. Don't bother with the teething ring, she hates it.'
'Shit.'
So that's than then, I've got a full house-complete with teething angry pooing baby (sleeping red faced, fists clenched in her cat seat for the moment). I've got to go actually, I can hear from the outraged screech upstairs that the boy has managed to stuff the bigger of the cats into the linen basket.
posted by fatmammycat at 12:09 p.m.
10 Comments:
My teething niece doesn't do the teething ring thing either, she prefers to chew on me instead. Sharp toothed little minx!
I've found however that giving her a plastic yoghurt carton (empty and rinsed out) or even an empty Actimel bottle to suck on and chew does the trick. I pretend it's mine and that I"m drinking from it and she goes wild to get it. When I eventually hand it over, she scuttles off to a corner and chews happily for ages. Keeps her quiet too.
Otherwise, use the Calpol. Liberally!
It's good that you put the baby in the cat seat. I like that.
What used to help for one of my girls when she was teething was to put a favourite chew-safe toy in the freezer for half an hour and give it to her. The cold is soothing on their wee gums. She had a teddy with plastic ears and that worked well. Anything did as long as it wasn't a teething ring.
Also, you could try putting your nephew in the freezer for half an hour.
Okay, this is where we are at. My sister has just gone away with my mother and her brood. The baby-it turns out- can poo the whole way up her spine and is also against sleeping in silence. Bring her into a room that is warm with lots of noise and she passes cleanout, but only sprawled across one's chest, if you put her down she will wake up and make some kind of horrible red faced sound.
The boy loves rugy-we discovered, and was quite happy to sit in the lounge with the paramour and shout obscenities at the TV, obscenities which he may or may not have already learned before this Saturday, the other one found great joy in dressing Puddy up in many different outfits, Puddy loves the attention and all was well right up until thebigger of the cats met Puddy climbing the stairs in a bonnets and HULA skirt. Then all hell broke loose.
I am about to open a bottle of wine and watch 'perfume-a film of obsession' I intend to get velly drunk and I'm really cured from my baby longing for a while. ( althought the smell fo the baby-sans nappy- was ...well rather yummy and Johnsons-Y.
Brood brood.
I've a full house this weekend too, including stupid black labrador retreiever on the couch. More on that later. I'm off to bed with a skinfull.
oh, shitey shite. My cats HATE me right now.
I'm not even going to tell you about the human infant's ability in projectile pooing. I think it must represent the vestiges of some now-redundant evolutionary defence mechanism for baby humans to scare of predators when their mammy was out of the cave. It's a powerful weapon and has to be one of the major reasons we survived and thrived as a species.
Do you know anything about Docs? Is everything OK? It's been a while, is all. I don't know whether to worry. I don't even know if we bloggers are supposed to worry about each other or if it's an impertinence.
It's all such a wierd business and I dinny know the rules. Are there any?
Rules schmooles. I don''t know where he is, but I hope he's all right too.
Andraste! Poor thing, I can't wait to hear about it. Labs eh, with the cats, it can't have been pretty.
Kaz, she eventually went for chewing on a plastic bottle of water. I'm sure it was probably not good for her, but I was loathe to take it from her lest she made that sound I discovered she can make, you know, the one that can shatter glass.
You have been hit with a double dose of "Mama Misdirection" FMC
Her aim all along was to awaken your brooding instincts and sold you the idea with a simple baby sitting job that no one wanted done, including the babes.
Mama is a cunning foe to be sure.
Mind that you keep her and you intended from being alone for any length of time, least you go from broody to bred...
This respect for your mother's ability to get unwilling people to do exactly as she wants has been growing and growing. Stick her in a boardroom and she could turn any company around.
Ugh. She is a sneaky snake and that's for sure.
I must go and lie down now, I met a friend for lunch and ate my own body weight in seafood, then came home only to dicover that we- the paramour and I- had to go to his Dad's home for dinner.
Naturally-not to be rude- I ate all of my dinner and now I am the proverbial fattened cat, although I know it was calf.
Urg, pat pat tummy, there there now, tomorrow we can go back to our diet of blended fruits and egg white, bleaugh.
Post a Comment
<< Home