Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Irrational fear and the angry girl.

Well now, bugger it. Between a rather jazzy dawn chorus of very loud tootling birds-whom I feed and this is how they repay me- to the gentle snoring of the Paramour- a sound so deep and sonorous whales are probably trying to answer it right this second, it's a wonder this fatcat got a wink of sleep. And then there was the dreaming, but that's another ditty. Of course I was dreaming, when I'm not sleeping deeply I dream like a fox.
Mumble mumble.
Beset by noise and frustrated by wakefulness, I called the paramour a few names in my head and dragged my sorry arse out of bed early. I slipped into my running clobber and left the house. It's was a muddily wet sort of morning here, neither one not t'other. Misty, a bit windy, mindy. Celtic, Sam could probably write a pome about it, that's right I said pome. What's it to you?
Grumble grumble.
Anyway, I ran along, partially cranked, half hoping some eegit would say a wrong word to me so that I could stop, take a deep breath and sponge him down with snark. But nobody opened their yaps and my brow stayed steadily furrowed as I huffle-puffed my way through Rathfarnham.
Snaggle srarrrarrr.
I got to the Dodder cross roads, skippity hopped across it and down onto the green bank, I bippity bopped my way along the path up to where a gal could cross into the park, where large stepping stones, concrete sleepers really, are set into the river. The river was flowing pretty fast this morning too, but the water was not running over the steps, as can sometimes happen.
I stepped onto the first step, then onto the other...
Then I got a bit dizzy and I had to step back onto the bank.
Stunned!
I glared at the river. What the fuck is this now? I've walked across this thing hundreds of times. True I've never really liked it, and also true Country gay's stupid dog nearly drowned falling off it once, at least until her remembered he could swim, but what the hell?
I stepped on it once more and got the same sort of shaky sensation in the back of my knees. I took two steps this time. The water swirled and I felt disorientated.
I WAS SCARED!!!
Befuddled, I had no option but to jog along the opposite bank and take the non-park way home. No longer in a rage, but really really confused.
I'm not a big fan of heights, but I will still go up a mountain, I'm a little claustraphobic, but I can still take lifts. While I don't like spiders because of their scuttling motion, I still catch them in glasses and put them outside. I'm not in the least bit afraid of dogs/mice/horses/bats. I couldn't care less abut wallking under ladders, I don't salute magpies, or bless myself when I see them. I don't believe in horoscopes, fortune tellers, tarot cards. I know that banshees are actually foxes and walking on pitch black country roads doesn't phase me. (except for that one time when a cow mooed from behind a hedge a scant few inches away and I nearly fainted) I can drive abroad. I'll try any and all types of food, I don't care if it has tentacles or a bunch of eyes. Stick me anywhere and in any situation and I'll do my damndest to keep my head.
In short I don't consider myself a scaredy cat.
So what happened this morning? Why the knee trembles? Why the, 'Hmm, I think I"m going to fall down if I don't get off this thing?' Even if I did fall in it's not deep. I could wade across. but I wouldn't fall, the steps are only a foot apart. So why couldn't I cross it? What's this about? It's irrational!
Arggh!
Naturally, I'm going to go back there tomorrow morning and fling myself across it if I must.
Has anyone else ever got a blast of totally irrational fear? Is it common? Will it go away?

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15 Comments:

Blogger Willie_W said...

So, let's look at the symptoms....

Broken sleep. Heightened sensitivity. Irritability. Sudden feeling of insecurity. Focus on self-preservation.

There's nothing stirring is there....?

10:51 a.m.  
Blogger KnackeredKaz said...

I was going to say the same thing as Willie!

Dizziness first thing in the morning? Being a bit narky? Clothes a bit tight eh? Maybe a few days missing in the old diary? Old greying granny pants not been used for a while?

OR you could just suddenly have thought 'argh, slippery steps across a river, feck that' and got an attack of the colly wobbles, happens to the best of us.

I too don't like spiders because of their many legs and scuttling like tendancies, but am not afraid of them at all. The other night, one crawled out from behind my headboard and onto the wall right beside my bed and scared the shite out of me. I didn't sleep for two nights thinking that more were on the way. Mammy Dunne eventually had to go up and tear the bed apart, hoovering everything in sight to assure me there was nothing there, cos I was starting to hallucinate.

Relaxxxxxxx....it was either nothing.....or you're pregnant!

11:04 a.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

As soon as you faint you'll know for sure, for that is universal narrative indiicator for Pregnant Woman.

Alternatively, find a hamster, pee on it and if it turns pink it's a girl!

11:23 a.m.  
Anonymous Eva said...

Or are you approaching the mid-thirties-fear? Let me explain:
I used to be fearless and live according to the Nike-slogan, Just Do It, about everything in life.
But something happened a couple of years or so ago..? I have no idea What this was. All I remember I was at the airport about to get on a plane when Suddenly, out of the blue, a completely irrational fear struck me, and I had a panic attack that hit me so hard I could hardly breathe. I was convinced I was about to die!
Needless to say, that didn't happen that day, but I was so surprised because it had never happened to me before. And as for flying I did - and still do - it all the time without giving it a second thought.
But since that first time, every once and again I have experienced irrational fear, and now having recently turned 35 I find myself getting more fearful every day, about everything and nothing.

It is REALLY pissing me off!!!!!

1:12 p.m.  
Blogger Boliath said...

Damn other people got in before me, I was going to suggest you pee on a stick, either that or you're all PMSy.

1:39 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

You womb watchers! The lot of ye! I wasn't dizzy first thing, I wasn't dizzy at all until I stepped on the bloody step and I couldn't sleep because of Sir Snoreahog and... ah FUCKIT now I have to run off to the chemist, damn you all to hell. (except Eva)

2:12 p.m.  
Blogger P1P said...

Apparently vampires can't cross running water. Checked the neck recently? Or up the stick (sorry, peer pressure).

3:48 p.m.  
Blogger PI said...

I found I lost a lot of nerve after I had children and rock climbing and crossing the Channel in a small boat at night lost it's charm. Now I find it difficult to believe I drove a sports car the length of France and back alone. It's down hill all the way!

4:13 p.m.  
Anonymous MaCdara said...

It is a sure sign of either getting sprogged up or just lack of food / sleep. After excercising with no food or sleep you can get dizzy near running water.

Of course the Pregnant thing is also likely,

4:38 p.m.  
Blogger SheBah said...

It's all in the ears, FMC, just a bit of a balance problem. Happens to most of us Sometimes when you are sitting in a stationary vehicle and other vehicles are passing thither and yon, you feel like you are moving. Or have you been reading Stephen King - he's always creating swirling water horrors

4:46 p.m.  
Anonymous finn said...

or maybe just maybe there was something very evil in the water there this morning, like that which was in the canal & claimed those 2 young boys, and your sensible self twigged to it and thrust you away.

this is why i have an irrational fear of and therefore avoid marinated carrots: they are evil and wish me great harm.

5:51 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Yerm, that was it I'm sure.
Carrots eh? Sounds nasty. I don't envy you right this second if what I'm guessing you're suffering from is even half as vile as I think.

6:08 p.m.  
Anonymous Angh said...

momentary oxygen overload or your eyes need checking...though I do like Willie's analysis. *S*

9:01 p.m.  
Anonymous Carolyn said...

Are banshees really foxes? I never knew this!

4:44 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

They surely are, foxes at night make a most frightening shriek. Scaring the bejaysus off 'townies' and small children and ould wans, but not me, oh no. Cows mooing sure, but not foxes.

9:09 a.m.  

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