Irrational fear and the angry girl.
Beset by noise and frustrated by wakefulness, I called the paramour a few names in my head and dragged my sorry arse out of bed early. I slipped into my running clobber and left the house. It's was a muddily wet sort of morning here, neither one not t'other. Misty, a bit windy, mindy. Celtic, Sam could probably write a pome about it, that's right I said pome. What's it to you?
Anyway, I ran along, partially cranked, half hoping some eegit would say a wrong word to me so that I could stop, take a deep breath and sponge him down with snark. But nobody opened their yaps and my brow stayed steadily furrowed as I huffle-puffed my way through Rathfarnham.
I got to the Dodder cross roads, skippity hopped across it and down onto the green bank, I bippity bopped my way along the path up to where a gal could cross into the park, where large stepping stones, concrete sleepers really, are set into the river. The river was flowing pretty fast this morning too, but the water was not running over the steps, as can sometimes happen.
I stepped onto the first step, then onto the other...
Then I got a bit dizzy and I had to step back onto the bank.
I glared at the river. What the fuck is this now? I've walked across this thing hundreds of times. True I've never really liked it, and also true Country gay's stupid dog nearly drowned falling off it once, at least until her remembered he could swim, but what the hell?
I stepped on it once more and got the same sort of shaky sensation in the back of my knees. I took two steps this time. The water swirled and I felt disorientated.
I WAS SCARED!!!
Befuddled, I had no option but to jog along the opposite bank and take the non-park way home. No longer in a rage, but really really confused.
I'm not a big fan of heights, but I will still go up a mountain, I'm a little claustraphobic, but I can still take lifts. While I don't like spiders because of their scuttling motion, I still catch them in glasses and put them outside. I'm not in the least bit afraid of dogs/mice/horses/bats. I couldn't care less abut wallking under ladders, I don't salute magpies, or bless myself when I see them. I don't believe in horoscopes, fortune tellers, tarot cards. I know that banshees are actually foxes and walking on pitch black country roads doesn't phase me. (except for that one time when a cow mooed from behind a hedge a scant few inches away and I nearly fainted) I can drive abroad. I'll try any and all types of food, I don't care if it has tentacles or a bunch of eyes. Stick me anywhere and in any situation and I'll do my damndest to keep my head.
In short I don't consider myself a scaredy cat.
So what happened this morning? Why the knee trembles? Why the, 'Hmm, I think I"m going to fall down if I don't get off this thing?' Even if I did fall in it's not deep. I could wade across. but I wouldn't fall, the steps are only a foot apart. So why couldn't I cross it? What's this about? It's irrational!
Naturally, I'm going to go back there tomorrow morning and fling myself across it if I must.
Has anyone else ever got a blast of totally irrational fear? Is it common? Will it go away?