Friday, July 13, 2007

A Sumptuous Serving of Sexy for Sam!


'Brad, I'm tired of wearing this stupid square jawed brunette mask all the time.'
'I know, but we're nearly into the private room, my burly wurly of delight.'
'I'm taking it off.'
'Don't my ginger pie of awesomeness, you'll burn the retinas of every man and woman with your unnatural beauty. I won't share you! I won't!'
'But it's so hot!'
'No ginger pumpkin, you're so hot, oh god, every time I think of that hat...'
'Brad?"
'Jezzz, okay, come one, quick, I don't think there's any photographers around, oh quick quickly, ditch that squared jawed brunette thing you're wearing.'
'Hold on, it's caught at the back-'

RIPPPPPPPPP

'Oh great Brad, you ripped it. How am I supposed to sneak out of here now? I....uuppbbummmppsst'

Slobber slobber kissy kissy.

'... ummmph wait wait! Do you like my visor?'
'OH god, yeah, it's so hot, so so...just hot.'
'Wanna see me push more curls through it? I can make my tongue touch the tip of my nose. Wanna see?'
'Oh god.'
'I bet Jennifer never had a visor like this.'
'Who the fuck is jennifer?'
'Exactly, come here my little pony, I've got sugar lumps for you...guess where they're hidden.'
'Filthy foxy ginger temptress.'
'Oh Brad, speak to me, tell me how to make soap, tell me the rules of Fight club, nibble my freckly lobes.'
'Oh........baby!'

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21 Comments:

Anonymous MacDara said...

There are tablets you can take for what afflicts you. There is no need to let it come out every Friday.

12:51 p.m.  
Blogger Kieran said...

It's a postprepostmodernist masterpiece.

1:59 p.m.  
Anonymous Shebah said...

can I borrow the one on the right please? I'll give him back on Monday.

2:13 p.m.  
Blogger Dr Maroon said...

Haven't read it all yet, there's tons of it! Where's the week gone fergodssake?
See that bloke with the biceps? he was on the tv a while back in a programme called, 'the man whose bicep exploded'
He took hundreds of steroids with direct injections using dirty needles and eventually his mental bicep developed a huge abscess which he attempted to drain with another hypodermic with catastrophic baloon popping results. They showed photos of it.
Have a nice dinner.

I, on the other hand am heading out into the big city to try out this new binge drinking phenomenon. w.l.t.m. big lass with midriff and whale tail and outgoing personality....
I wish.

2:42 p.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

No Kieran, it's a postpreposterousmodernist masterpiece. The difference is subtle, requiring many years of university study to be able to discriminate.

Fmc, I don't understand. I've tried patience, being stern, making light of it and biting - allright gnawing - allright gurning - wit but I fear I've just been Enabling you all this time.

Now, I'm afraid, I'm going to have to sever all ties with you until you come to your senses, or its Monday - whichever's first. Perhaps a short sharp shock is what you need to jolt yuo back to reality.

I'm only doing this because I care, you know. It'll hurt me more than it'll hurt you. I know it's a sickness but I'm broken, fmc, I can't take much more.

God keep you, girl, and restore you to full reason.

2:59 p.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I think it's his mouth that repels me so - his great wide fish-like mouth. Nut last week i thought it was his mottled re six-pack.

Good luck with the run tomorrow!

2:59 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

I say "ew" to both men in the picture. Don't get the whole Pitt appeal.

3:06 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

He is the walrus Sam, coo coo cachoo.

3:19 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

'ew' to carrot top Medbh? Are you mad?
I can't get tickets for Harry Potter in Dundrum-not unless I want to sit in the front row- a travesty! How am I suposed to keep up my weekly cinema going if they sell out? Bogus.
I could go somewhere else I suppose, but I won't.
Oh chumleywarners, I hope you all have a staggeringly good weekend.

3:26 p.m.  
Blogger finn said...

i heard rumors of this weakness of brad's during the filmink of patriot games.

filthy foxy ginger temptress indeed. but how's the temptress with a whip?

4:52 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I'd say just dandy since clearly ANYTHING Carrotgelina turns his nimble peach fuzzy hands to is MOST awesome.

5:06 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I mean, do you not SEE his visor? Who on this earth could work it like that? NO ONE! That's who.

5:08 p.m.  
Anonymous Bonnie said...

FMC, you've shown your contempt for our pleading to stop with this eye-gouging ginger nonsense every week. I'm afraid I'm going to have to boycott you on Fridays. I see no other choice. These weekly visits to the eye doctor to restore my sight are costing me bundles.

5:26 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Nonsense Bonnie, strengthens the constitution. Girds the loins. Bolsters the boobies. Rocks the Kasbah.
A friday without ginger would be like an gallery opening without hooch, simply unthinkable, unbearable and an abomination.

5:44 p.m.  
Blogger finn said...

bonnie run while you still can, before she turns you, too.

6:11 p.m.  
Anonymous Bonnie said...

Don't worry Finn, I like my Kasbah rocked as much as the next girl, but trust me, I will NEVER succumb to the dark side of the ginger lovers. In a word - Ick.

11:02 p.m.  
Blogger Fat Sparrow said...

You know, I was not quite put off Brad Pitt by the whole Brad-shtupping-Angelina-who-drank-Billy Bob's-blood thing, but I do believe I am completely off Brad Pitt now.

11:03 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

C'mon laydeeees, feel the pink/peach/tangerine.

11:12 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Sorry for your trouble. I believe a spell in John of God's can be beneficial for this kind of problem.

1:10 a.m.  
Blogger Foot Eater said...

Didn't Brad get outed as a homo by a Bolivian ladyboy?

You read it here on FatMammyCast's site first, ladies and gentlemen, and lawyers.

2:45 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Let us see if we can keep the lawyers out of this Footie.

10:23 p.m.  

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