Wednesday, January 23, 2008

I don't like fruit.



I have always found fruit dull and uninteresting. And sticky. And I hate sticky. However, I have a new and ingenious way of ingesting the wretched stuff into my healthy person. Behold the Breville Total Fruit Juicer! This baby set me back 59 of my finest euros, down from €99 in Superquinn.
It is noisy and slightly terrifying to use, but the outcome is yummy and it pulps the shit out of oranges, leaving a smooth delicious and -MOST importantly -nutritious drink. Washing and removing the pulp after takes no more then two minutes.
Tomorrow I'm going to put in a banana, two kiwis and a handful of strawberries and smoosh them into a drink. No more will I have to eat the wretched things.
Huzzah. Huzzah I say.

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56 Comments:

Blogger The Bad Ambassador said...

My intake of fruit has gone up during the past few weeks. Not due to any new-year-health-kick type thing, you understand?

We simply got tired of purchasing an alluring array of fresh and colourful produce, arranging it in the fruit bowl in a way that would make a still life artist proud, then watching the contents rot, slowly, in front of us.

Clockwork has nothing on me now!

1:57 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I'm always guilty of that too. I'll come into the kitchen and think, hummm I'm hungry, what will I have that soggy wrinkled looking apple thing under the blackening bananas or toast. Toast it is so.

2:06 p.m.  
Blogger The Bad Ambassador said...

A rookie mistake FMC.

Always keep the banana's separate from the rest of the fruit. Apparently the potassium causes other fruit to deteriorate much more rapidly.

2:18 p.m.  
OpenID bendersbetterbrother said...

How does it differ from what a blender would do? Does it wring the juice out and gives you no "bits"? It's the bits that I like, and they're what the cellulose and fibre and tannin will be in, aren't they?

Do you do your 5 a day? You know, fruit and veg. Does anybody?

2:23 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I do and it kills me.
It does indeed wring all the bits out, a very fine steel mesh it has. I hate the bits. And also the seeds. In fact fruit in general. But this way I can do the whole 5 in one day thingie in one foul swoop. Magic!
I am also happy BA has explained that bananas are the evil causation of my fruit bowl mulch. I thought the bloody fruit just gave up the ghost when they realised where they were (my house).

If I don't do some real work to day I am going to sack myself.

2:33 p.m.  
Blogger Dr. James McInerney said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg1ckCkm8YI

2:35 p.m.  
Anonymous nonny said...

I exceed five a day by lunchtime, I lurveee fruit. Can’t do the smoothie things though especially if there is banana in them and it’s runny and lumpy, as we have all just had lunch I will refrain from telling you what it reminds me off. Mon petit Squinchi puts all mad fruit juices in to fill it up a bit, you need a shit load off fruit just for a glass.

2:38 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MACATTACK!! That man deserves a solid kicking, the blasphemous monster.

Nonny 6 oranges for half a litre, not to0 shabby. I'll see how tomorrow works out.

2:40 p.m.  
Blogger gimme a minute said...

Washing and removing the pulp after takes no more then two minutes.

For reals? It is an incredibly frustrating and appliance fucking out inducing two minutes?

After two attempted cleanings I put mine in cupboard and never used in again. This was some time ago. If the technology has improved I might be convinced.

3:14 p.m.  
Blogger Birchsprite said...

mmmmmmmmmm even I might increase my fruit intake with one of those thingy mebobs

3:55 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

I've had the same experience as Gimme. Granted, my juicer is old though it was pricey years ago when I bought it but there are like 8 different parts to wash afterwards and my lazy ass never takes it out of storage.

4:16 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Nope, that dark sections lifts off, and inside in a silver metal grinder which also lifts out. Wash silver thingie, leave to dry, take pulp out of dark thingie, rinse immediately, dry, and voila, you're done. Wipe lid and fruit pusher or just run under water. Easy. It takes less time than making a pot of coffee. Plus you get to smoosh stuff.

4:23 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

I get my five a day, thanks to berries. Blueberries, strawberries, blackberries...all amazing on full fat vanilla yogurt. LOTS of antioxidants and yummy. If not for that, my daily shot of orange juice, and the occasional banana, I'd have died long ago.

That iPhone blending bastard. It's no picnic for the blender, either. You'll never get a decent tasting margarita out of that thing now!

5:06 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

My god, I Never even thought of Margaritas , what a fucking straight I have become since hooch and I parted company.

5:46 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

And yummy vodka gimlets, too, FMC.

You can make a ginger lime gimlet. I swear it's so good you'll want to *ahem*.
Just throw chunks of ginger and lime in there and mix with Stoli.

7:32 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Droooooooool mmmmmstoli. Mmmmmmany kind of alcohol at all. Fuck it, I'd probably drooool over Buckfast at this stage.

7:41 p.m.  
Anonymous Greg Finnegan said...

My juice machine chokes on bananas. Now, I do the other fruits, and then chop up the banana and add the pieces to the drink.

10:19 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Really? Well perhaps I'd better be wary. I don't want to balls it up. Then I'd have to go back to eating the wretched fruit one piece at a time.
Thanks Greg.

10:33 p.m.  
Anonymous laughykate said...

I love love love smoothies. Apricot, banana and a teensy bit of fresh ginger. When I first heard this I accused the builder of being deranged. It was outstanding. Strawberries, (frozen) tinned pineapple, banana and a little bit of mint. Yum yum yum.

1:04 a.m.  
Blogger Manuel said...

carrot and ginger.......so so good.....I've a juicer in the cupboard beside a toasted sandwich jobbie and a steamer....I have a fantastic juice book that you can have if you want.....just let me know....

1:19 a.m.  
Anonymous Primal Sneeze said...

Juicers are the new toasters. Every couple spending €30k on a wedding can expect to receive 20 of them.

[See what I did there? One comment - two posts. Deadly buzz]

4:21 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Well done sneezy, how crafty of you. A two birds in a bush sort of fellow.

Manuel you're the second person to mention the carrot and ginger. I must give it a whirl. Carrot Orange and a hint of ginger.

LK- Tinned Strawberries are perfect for it too. There's a whack of recipes on the net for experimenting ( bless you interweb)

I'm shocked so many folks already have juicers. I must have missed out on the first wave.

7:58 a.m.  
Anonymous AM in Belgium said...

Hmmmm. All you freaky fruit juice drinkers better read this:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,,2245178,00.html

You might not realise it, but you're sucking down sugary, calorie-laden smoosh. And you're missing out on the good bits, it seems.

Just to let ye know, like.

8:40 a.m.  
Anonymous AM in Belgium again said...

the end bit of the URL seems to have been cut off.

It ends with .html

Sorry.

8:41 a.m.  
Blogger famron said...

Ripe bananas produce ethylene gas, which hastens the ripening of other fruit. If I'm trying to ripen green tomatoes on the window sill at the end of the summer I just stick a very ripe banana beside them.

12:16 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Am, but it's so delicious!
Famron, thanks for sharing that, I had no idea. No wonder my fruitbowls never last.

9:01 a.m.  
Blogger bala murugan said...

What an exciting experience!/Hilarious! Delightful! True!/wonderful stuff! thank you!

Fruit Juicers

4:39 a.m.  
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