Who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters!
There's one born every minute, let the sucker parade continue. I'm too exhausted to be my normal vicious self, but just so you know, I am sneering, oh I am sneering with gusto.
Observe from to day's Daily Wail, that's right Wail.
"When Sabrina Fallon heard banging noises coming from her attic, she was understandably concerned and called the police.
Officers found no sign of a break-in, however, and joked that it might have been a ghost.
Unfortunately, Mrs Fallon didn't see the funny side.
She claims the banging was followed by a series of strange happenings, including doors slamming shut, the ghost of a little girl appearing on the landing and, bizarrely, even her own dressing gown floating down the stairs.
And the council's solution to her months of torment? To pay for an exorcism, of course!
Now, through the power of prayer, holy water and protective salt circles, Mrs Fallon says she and her family have finally been left in peace.
Mrs Fallon, 23, moved into the three-bedroom council house in Peterlee, County Durham, with her husband Martin and two children in June last year.
They first contacted "ghostbuster" Suzanne Hadwin in December.
"She sent her spiritual guide to the house," Mrs Fallon said yesterday. "Me being me, I was waiting for a knock at the door.'
"We got a call back later that night from Suzanne who said there was a male in the house. She said he was really angry and that he was after my youngest daughter Amy who is only 16 months old.
"It was terrifying. Suzanne didn't even know that I had two children, let alone their names. She knew everything - even the colour of the walls in our home. She said this male figure wanted to possess my daughter's body in order to relive his life. His name was Peter and he was a poltergeist.
Ghosthunter Suzanne Hadwin was paid by Easington District council to perform an exorcism at the Fallon family home in Peterlee
"After that the banging got worse. He was also trying to make physical contact and on one occasion I felt a hand touch my shoulder."
Later that month they decided enough was enough and called in Miss Hadwin herself.
"When I saw the girl at the top of the stairs I thought I must have been seeing things," said Mrs Fallon.
"I tried to put it to the back of my mind but kept hearing this banging coming from the loft and whispering.
"I called the police one night suspecting that it may be thieves but they couldn't find anything and suggested it might be ghosts. It was then that I called Suzanne for help."
Mrs Fallon, whose 24-year- old husband quit his job as a lorry driver to protect his wife and children, was later told by a council worker of a murder at the property 50 years ago.
"I couldn't believe it," she said. "They said a man had killed his wife on the landing using a fire poker. It seems he then hanged himself."
Miss Hadwin offered to carry out an exorcism for £120.
Unable to afford the fee Mrs Fallon, whose elder daughter Shannon is nine, went to the council, which agreed to pay half.
The exorcism was carried out on December 27 and the Fallons say they have since been left in peace.
Miss Hadwin, 35, of Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, said: "I realised there was a very bad spirit in the house and there had been a murder there.
"Sabrina was absolutely terrified. She told the council that she didn't want to stay in the house and that's when they agreed to help pay."
She added: "I got rid of the poltergeist by laying salt circles in the house as areas of protection for the family.
"I then used the power of prayer, sprinkled holy water and called in some angels to take the spirit to the place he needed to be taken."
A spokesman for Easington District Council said it agreed to pay half of the exorcism because the family were "extremely distressed" and the alternative was £40-per-night emergency accommodation."
OH my, she laid salt circles, and called in some angels? She CALLED IN some angels to take the eveeeeel sprit. What, are angels just sitting around, playing cards, waiting calls about for haunted council houses? She called them in? Don't they have anything better to do? Where did they 'take' the poltergeist? Is there a poltergeist holding cell? Poltergeist courts?
I particularly laughed when I read Sabrina's husband quit his job to 'protect' his family? How was he planing to do that? SUrely fighting a poltergeist takes some training? Would fighting one be like fighting plaque? Invisible warfare? Surely if all he needed to do was lay salt circles and dial up some layabout angels, why the need to quit his job? Surely he could have done all that on a Satdee morning?
I like this ghostbuster's job though. She doesn't even have to show up to the 'haunting site' she can send her 'spiritual guide' along. Awesome. I'd like a gig like that. Between that and 'distant healing' I could make a bloody fortune and STILL stay in my jammies.
And then there's this. "Suzanne didn't even know that I had two children, let alone their names. She knew everything - even the colour of the walls in our home."
Hum, 23 year old woman living in a council house, I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest having children would NOT be unusual. And even though my spiritual guide is off playing poker with some corporeal chums right now, I'm guessing, no- sensing the living room walls are... I"m seeing a yellow colour, a sort of cream yellow? Does that mean anything to you? Primrose? Yes thats it. that's what my guide tell me. Sorry, he just popped back in for a 'mo.
Despite the fact that this 'terrified tenant' saw a dead girl, which seem to have little to do with a man murdering his wife 50 years before hand, the 'poltergeist' turned out to be a dude called Peter. Funny how none of the tenets saw him, including the protective and brave husband. But then those pesky poltergeist are sneaky that way. Always making sure never to appear in front of say, oh I don't know, non idiots.
In the end of the day 120 of somebody's finest pounds was spent to chase old Pesky Poltergeist Pete back to the spirit world, where doubtless he and the lay about angels are high fiving each other and plotting their next ghostly charade. They'll kick back ten percent of their earnings to the ghostbuster, after all without the salt shaking and incantations of woo, they'd be pretty short on gigs and cash and everybody knows angels and poltergeists like cold hard cash.
Labels: Reiki mumbo jumbo frauds