Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Defending Madonna

Julie Burchill, I blame you for this.
Oh this sucks. Sucks I tell you. Here I am, catching up on the weekend papers, scoffing a 'medley of fruit' when I came across the following load of hooey.

"Three things, it's safe to say, will always be with us: the poor, taxes and Madonna. And the weather. Like the weather, Madonna is everywhere, reigning over the just and the unjust, friend and foe alike; loving her or hating her is as futile as loving or hating the rain, wind or snow - it'll happen anyway. Turning 50 as she does in a few months, the question is perhaps worth asking: what did we do to deserve this? It's been a quarter of a century of cruel and unusual punishments - peaking in the sustained, sadistic, hate-filled frenzy that was Swept Away - so far. Surely we're going to get some time off for good behaviour soon?"

Yep that's how it starts, three things that are four and then a sustained whine about Madonna.
But that's not what bothers me, oh no. People can whine about what they like. What bothers me is that Julie Burchill had driven me to DEFENDING Madonna. I never thought I'd EVER be driven to that.
The rest of the article is here. read it if you can be arsed.
No don't. Don't bother. I'll pare it down for you.
Madonna is old.
Madonna is not fat.
Madonna once released a book called Sex.
Julie isn't a big fan of the book.
Madonna cannot sing or dance.
Julie Burchill is fat
But if she wasn't she'd be fabulous.
Madonna is driven
Madonna is NOT Amy Winehouse.
Madonna is a touch narcissistic.
Madonna is successful
Julie Buchill is less successful.
But that's okay, because Julie Burchill is not Madonna.

Dear Julie Burchill, Comparing Madonna to Any Winehouse is ridiculous. Okay Madonna might not be the best singer or the best dancer, but you know what? I'd pay to see her ANY day over the stumbling mumbling smack head who by the way CANNOT sing live to save her life. Talent she may have, but talent is rarely enough.
Madonna is a performer. A consummate performer it has to be said. She took her 'grade A, ocean-going natural mediocrities' and turned them into a successful career spanning many decades. Four minutes is top of the charts. She's still here. She's still at the top of her game. Fuck me, it that doesn't deserve a little respect I don't what does.
You on the other hand Julie, not so much.
Like her or loathe her, Madonna is a force to be reckoned with. I admire longevity, I admire her will power. I admire her clean living lifestyle, I like the fact that she can manipulate her own image, I admire the fact that she is still yanking chains, I admire her determination and dedication. I admire her god damn fifty year old body. Single minded and possibly unfunny she may be, but nobody is perfect, right Julie?
Defending Madonna, I find myself not against it. Not that she gives a shit either way, but then I like that too.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Really...who gives a fuck.
That's not I hope being disrespectful to you, or your blog.

I find Madonna about as sexy as John Mc Cirrick in suspenders. I recently seen a pic of her arriving at some awards ceromony and she had the most grotesque bulging muscular arms. I'm sorry but I don't find that appealing.
I find her music bland and unmemorable since her heyday in the 1980's.
Amy Winehouse, I've not seen her live but obviously she has big problems. She is partly media hype and partly talent, Rehab is a good piece of work, but she seems destined to end up on the scrapheap.

I would say the neither of these women are a good example to women. Madonna is a publicity whore who gets her tits out or snogs a nother woman whenever her star is on the wane. Is this the message that should be sent to young women? While Amy, is just a sad junkie who attracts media attention like flies to shite.
Everyone loves a carcrash.

9:41 a.m.  
Anonymous John B said...

I read that on Sunday and have to say I found some of it pretty funny. Something about Madonna's minge cracked me up. I don't think she was really comparing her to Amy Winehouse. More that the arrival of Amy Winehouse was an eye opener to just how rubbish some pop stars are at singing. A much more relevant yet obvious comparison is New MAdonna and Old Madonna. There's a sea of difference. I love her old stuff but think she should have given up a long time ago. Had it. Lost it. She's never been the saem without Jellybean.

9:41 a.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

I'm no fan of Madonna but Julie Burchill is an insufferable whale.

9:50 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I don't know, I've been hopping around the gym to 4 Minutes lately, it's good running music.
As for messages to young women? Reach the top, stay there call your own shots? She's got her flaws, but by and large I'd take a leap from her book before I'd take a leaf from Winehouse.

"More that the arrival of Amy Winehouse was an eye opener to just how rubbish some pop stars are at singing."
I agree with that, but I don't think Madonna ever claimed to be the best singer in the world. But as a performer she's pretty bloody polished.

9:54 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Not a fan Twenty?

9:54 a.m.  
Anonymous Jake said...

Is the millions of pounds in the bank not enough to say that Julie is wrong. I have never really been a fan of Madonna but as you pointed out, I also admire her for being one on her own in the world of showbiz that has not gone off the rails so as to speak.

9:58 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Right, no wild drug scandals or affairs or any of that crap. Actually I doubt Madonna would drop the reins long enough to do something stupid, it strikes me that she is one of the most fanatical control freaks ever. But fuck it, nothing wrong with that either, not in her business.
Going to the gym. Later.

10:11 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with one of the other comments here that her older music was better.
She's a Martina Navratolova of the the music business. She stayed on too long as well.
Pity Deirdre O'Kane wouldn't retire as well, that woman has the most irritating voice in Ireland, shes on a radio ad at the moment and do advertisers really think she would encourage anyone to but their products...she's an auld cunt

10:20 a.m.  
Anonymous Shebah said...

I've always liked Madonna, have most of her CDs, but the more recent ones all sound much the same. I don't like her big bulgy muscles, she used to look much more beautiful and feminine; still, I guess she likes that Rambo look, so it's her choice. Amy Winehouse is fantastic, her Back to Black album is outstanding. When she sorts herself out she will probably have a longer career than Madonna. She is only 20, so she has time. Julie Birchell has always been a vitriolic cow, she is a talented writer and her tv series Sugar Rush was innovative and good, but she seems to have big "ishoos" with everybody and everything. I guess she's afraid she's losing her grip.

10:27 a.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Butwhatabout the talent vacuum that is Guy Ritchie? Explain me that, someone?
If I were forced to choose between Madonna or Kylie I'd pick Kylie any day. If I were to pick a woman with talent and longevity in the business I'd pick Joni Mitchell every day. But then comparing Madonna to Joni is like comparing Barbara Cartland to Jane Austen.

As for Ms Butchill, double meh.

11:09 a.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

I quite like Amy Winehouse's music, much more than Madge's Goldfrapp / Kylie rip-off.

11:16 a.m.  
Blogger John Braine said...

"Is the millions of pounds in the bank not enough to say that Julie is wrong?"

Nope. That's never a valid argument for anything (unless you're arguing that one person made more money than another) but far off the mark in this case. The article was about lots of stuff ( like celebrites stalking the public and sticking their minge in your face ). Quality of music was a minute part of it and you can rarely qualify good taste by sales. It's actually the most overused lazy argument in the history of anything ever.

11:19 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I could live without either but if it came down to it I'd go for the one that might make me laugh.
Julie Burchill not being an importer/purchaser of children works for me too.

11:35 a.m.  
Blogger benders said...


11:38 a.m.  
Blogger Manuel said...

Julie Burchill is hate filled........and probably pie filled too.......madge can adopt me if she wants.....I'm her madge if you are reading this, bags packed and I'm ready to go......take me madge take me......

11:43 a.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

Manuel is beginning to scare me.

12:15 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

Very few people over here know who Julie Burchill is, but thanks to an English roommate while I was in my 20's, I'm quite familiar. Though I haven't heard much about her in years, this doesn't surprise me. I always thought she was a vitriolic old shrew, who doesn't like anyone or anything. I'm no huge Madonna fan, but attacks like this never seem fair - this one especially has the pong of jealousy and bitterness about it.

12:19 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man, I hate it when bitches don't conform to whatever prescriptive version of femininity I'm championing this week.

1:03 p.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

I always thought she was a vitriolic old shrew

haha, fantastic description.

1:26 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I have been singing 'Borderline' all day now, even when I was running splits. If I could smack the Julie upside the head I would.

1:50 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Speaking of old crones...whatever happened to Mary Ellen Synan, what stone is she hiding under these days

2:21 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Was she the woman who used to write for the Indo and pissed everyone off by being a hateful bitch over the Special Olympics?

2:24 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

Another case of a woman getting paid to shit on another woman. You can make a career of it and be well paid.

All the real problems in life are far too complex for her, I guess.

Madonna should kick her ass.

2:35 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I'm pretty sure Madonna COULD kick her ass.

2:39 p.m.  
Blogger Dr. James McInerney said...

There is a lot of woman-on-woman spite that goes on. Men will go "she's a hottie" or "she's minging" and stop at that...often being criticised for being sexist. Women, on the other hand, sometimes seem to be hell-bent on tearing each other apart.

Madonna reminds me of a bit of stringy chicken that you sometimes get at Luigis on the Sundrive road in your snack box. Don't know why she reminds me of a bit of stringy chicken.

2:48 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Possibly because she has very little body fat. Personally I preferred how she looked when she was carrying more weight, but I can recognise that she's in amazing shape for a lady of her age.

2:51 p.m.  
Anonymous Colin Kelly said...

At 10.27 hours Shebah said “Julie Birchell has always been a vitriolic cow, ………….but she seems to have big "ishoos" with everybody and everything”

At 12.19 hours Andraste said: “ I always thought she was a vitriolic old shrew, who doesn't like anyone or anything”

Plagiarism even in the blogosphere!

3:15 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Sometimes a person and an adjective just gel so well.

3:40 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

oh Colin, shut up. Two people can use the same word without being plagiarists. I didn't do it intentionally.

4:11 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

4:11 p.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

Madonna should kick her ass.

It'd be like that scene in Jaws. Burchill will go past and Roy Scheider will turn to Madonna and say "You're gonna need a bigger foot".

4:16 p.m.  
Blogger John Mc said...

Madonna is a fabrication, but what do people expect from a pop artist. She should be admired for her ability to stay relevent and in control in a business that eats it's young. Personally I think, what ever about her dancing ability, her singing is pretty dire, but given the talented producers and song writers she has worked with she has produced some good songs. I dare you not to sing along to "Papa Don't Preach"

As for the Amy Winehouse comparison. There is none. Winehouse is an incredibly talented singer and writer, and if she manages to clean her act up I suspect her best is yet to come. Although I've never seen her in the flesh, I've seen a few of her live shows on TV, and it seems to me she can totally pull it off live, as long as she is sober.

6:04 p.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

Amy Winehouse is a leprous, junkie geebag.

6:13 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I've never see Amy live AND sober, I swear, and I've seen her on plenty of live shows. That's why I can't bear to watch or listen as she forgets her words or does that bendy kneed dance thing she does when she gets flustered.
She was on some thing with KT Tunstall last year and the difference between the two women was actually alarming. KT came out with just a guitar and a echo box and blew the socks of everyone, Amy came out with brilliant musicians, backing singers the whole shebang and she mumbled her way through the set almost dropping the mike at one stage and then drifting on the last few lines. I actually felt bad for her group because you could see they were doing their best to carry her.
Talented, sure, but like I said in my original post, it's not enough. And I wouldn't pay to see her unless I was sure she was going to step up and remember why she was there in the first place.

6:16 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Oh Twenty, tell us how you really feel.

6:22 p.m.  
Blogger John Mc said...

I'm guessing the shows I saw were pre melt down. We have a high def live concert channel over here, and there being a limited amount of live music recorded in high def thus far, they repeat a lot. They have 2 different shows where she was on and one live concert. The full concert is excellent, great band and she sounds superb, although her between song banter is rubbish.
I actually never listened to her because I had read so much negative stuff about her, it was only after seeing her on TV that I got the Back to Black album which has become a favorite.
Yeah not a huge fan of KT Tunstall, but she can do it live, and in interviews seems a very nice clued in person.

6:26 p.m.  
Blogger John Mc said...

But a talented, leprous, junkie geebag, Twenty.

6:28 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Back to Black is a terrific album, I'll give you that. I suppose time will see if she can get her life together or not.
John! If you ever get a chance to see Ray LaMontagne live, Go, GO. Now that man can sing live.

7:02 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

As part of my shut-in existence, I may be the only person that has never heard Amy Winehouse's music.
For reals.

7:13 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Really? That just means you escaped hearing 'rehab' eighty-million times a day. Try youtube.
Actually now that I think of it, she is suspiciously 'jazzy'.

7:32 p.m.  
Blogger Flirty Something said...

You've got to admire that body for 50 - I'd do anything for that shape now - other than diet and exercise.

8:46 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Damn straight Flirty! Why oh why doesn't eating double glouchester cheese and buttery toast make me firm and toned? Why must I rely on the gym? What the hell is that about?

9:27 p.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

I wonder if Madonna is as good at reinventing last night's leftovers as she is at reinventing herself?

10:05 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Pour gravy over it Darling, everything tastes better with gravy over it ( except custard).

11:53 p.m.  
Anonymous Sam, Problemchildbride said...

I don't give a shit about Madonna one way or another but I think she should be physically restrained from writing another children's book.

There are days I like a wee bit of Madonna to bop around to when I'm making the tea. I like to strike a Vogue pose with the egg-whisk or whatever.

12:49 a.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

OH Sam - I so agree with you on the children's book thing. Fark it was truly awful. She really needs to stick to her knitting. (But I seem to remember the illustrations were okay, though?)

1:39 a.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

Twisty had a good post with a clip of Madonna being asked by the bitchy lap cat of the patriarchy Diane Sawyer how she felt she had the right to launch a children's lit after she released her "Sex" book years ago.
The nerve of women wanting to write about sex and then write for kids!
I have read neither.

2:28 a.m.  
Blogger PI said...

Is Julie B still around? She seems to have fallen off my radar.
You have to admire Madonna who has friends - faithful ones - who won't blab about her wedding day.

6:54 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

hah, Vogue, I can't tell you how many times did I see drunk people try to do dance to that by doing all the poses.
I never read any of the children's books obviously, but regardless, even if they were terrible, I don't see what her bringing out 'Sex' years before has to do with her writing them.
Pat, that's a good point actually, especially with the amount of money some papers were offering at the time.
I do find her English accent hilarious though.

9:24 a.m.  
Anonymous Shebah said...

I've seen both Madonna and Amy Winehouse live.(Am a real concert whore). Madonna is a slickly packaged act - everything timed and choreographed to perfection and her very mediocre voice is used perfectly with good songs and backing. In contrast Amy is just a mega gutsy raw talent. I agree she has no in-between banter, but I sort of like that uncontrived, edge of seat, will she or won't she stuff. I get tired of the slick bullshit. And Madonna at 50 (and KT Tunstall) has been honing her stage skills for a lifetime so I think that is unfair comparison. Amy has more vocal talent than all of the current top group of female singers. She might crash and burn, but I think she is a survivor and will be still around singing to our grandchildren. And I hate celebrities "writing" children's books, it makes me want to spit as that is my bloody difficult world. Madonna, Fergie, some newsreader woman,Jordan, and now Geri Halliwell are all on that bandwagon. They just add their name to some tripe that some ghost fuckwit writes , and the publishers spent shitloads of cash on marketing because of their celebrity. For the publishers, if they make a quick buck on the celeb name they don't care a stuff what they publish for kids. Its all about mammon. Sorry, rant over. You hit a sensitive nerve.

9:47 a.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

But a talented, leprous, junkie geebag, Twenty.

My eyes do not deceive me, John.

And I should point out that I hate her fucking music too.

9:56 a.m.  
Anonymous Shebah said...

Twenty - it's probably your age, dear. A nice bit of Nat King Cole or Frank Sinatra, perhaps?

10:21 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Sorry, I'm still laughing at the idea that JOrdan actually writes her books.

10:45 a.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

You know me too well, Shebah.

11:09 a.m.  
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