Tuesday, May 06, 2008

A child's perspective can be tricksy.

'Guess what your nephew did yesterday.' My eldest sister said on the phone earlier.
A thousand thoughts raced through my mind as I thought of my rambunctious nephew, all of them ending in mischief.
Had he burned something down? Blown something up? Drowned something? Flushed his daddy's wallet down the loo again? Had he 'coloured in the walls'? Used my sister's expensive face cream as window cleaner? Had he dug up the back garden? Had he pretended to be a dog and run around barking and biting ankles? Glued his fingers together. Booby trapped his elder sister? Used the cushions as a toboggan on the stairs? Were the doors on his wardrobe still on? Had the Barbies still got their heads? Was her husband's computer still working? Had he coloured in her wedding album again? Had he finally managed to get to the top tier of the hotpress, her silky dressing gown tied around his neck so that he could fly/throttle himself
What could it possible be?
'I don't know.'
'He gave himself and the baby a haircut.'
'Oh god. How bad is it?'
'Well, the baby has none of her baby curls left and he is minus his fringe-and most of the hair over his left ear. I had to take him to the barber this morning to try fix it.'
'And could they?'
'Only in that he now looks like a skin head.'
'He likes it.'
That actually made a kind of sense.
'And the baby?'
'She's rocking the pixie look earlier than I had anticipated.'
'Oh darling.'
'I suppose it could be worse.'
'He could have decided to give me a hair cut while I slept.'
'Have you considered fencing him in?'
'I'm considering boarding school right now.'
And so it goes.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahhh bless him. Don't send him to boarding school that is mean and a cop out, challenge him or laugh at him.

I love little boys, the boldness of them is indeed enchanting. I wish I had their bravery, knowing there would be hell to pay but carrying on regardless.

It's could be worse, my niecee niecee coloured in her two week old baby brothers face with illumines yellow marker that we could not scrub off, night feeds for the proceeding week or two were much more amusing.


12:53 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

With one of those highlighter pens? Oh no.
Nightmare to get off.
I think she was kidding about the boarding school

12:58 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yep, and then denied it down to the ground to the point to which I think she even believed she had not done it. We could see her lying eyes, the yellow hands also helped nail her. What can you do, she was two and as cute as a button.

I’d say your sister is going mad, good job she only has one boy. I bet he is grounded for the rest of his life. I think it is gas though!


2:07 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is it with the hair cutting that's so irresistible? I remember trying and mostly failing to restrain myself from chopping at my own hair (never anyone else's, fortunately) from the age of 4 to, well, like five minutes ago.

2:56 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I know, it's weird is it not? I have log rathe unruly hair and I'm forever chopping bit off here and there. Especially this time of year.

3:41 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Ah... does he know what you can do with match heads, silver foil and a hammer? What about vinegar and slugs and snails? Does he know that interesting things are to be found in roadside shores? Does he know that if you pour ketchup on your legs and lie beside your bicycle on the side of the road it looks like an accident? It's very interesting what can be done with a stick, elastic bands and marbles. And spiders need to eat too, especially if you have a 'pet' one and catch flies for it. What happens if you put a bee and an earwig in a jam jar... who wins? Etc etc...

3:56 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

I gave myself a botched haircut when I was 5 and then go the snot beaten out of me for it. It seems like a minimal offense.

Riding the cushions down the stairs is a classic.

4:05 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Sweet Jesus, the list is endless. Perhaps my sister will take up drinking.

4:05 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Medbh, we crossed. yep, he had a thing for jumping off things or sliding down things. For some reason he fears not gravity.

4:06 p.m.  
Anonymous Sam, problemchildbride said...

But the snip, the snip od scissprs on hair is so delicious.

Both mine have had go at their hair. One achieved a sort of Suzy Quattro look on one side of her head. The other one was only using play-doh scissors so she didn't manage more than a few kinks.

4:34 p.m.  
Anonymous Sam, problemchildbride said...

My internet connection is lousy today for some reason. I've been trying to comment here all morning. Looks like it's working a bit better now.

4:35 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Mines been a bit wonky today too. Possibly because it's sunny.
I remember taking a big chunk out of my hair as a child. Right at the bloody front, mind you it didn't detract anything from my pudding bowl hair style. Noting could have made that look any better.

A girl I sort of knew in school with had her pony tail cut off in assembly back in the day. I seem to remember there was ructions and tears over that one.

4:42 p.m.  
Blogger John Mc said...

My daughter is only just recovering from self imposed tonsorial efforts. I am only just recovering from her going missing while we were camping at the triathlon. Only 10 minutes. but thats a long time for a 4 year old in such a vast campsite. And it was about 2 minutes after I warned her to stay close. I found her chatting happily to some female triathletes from Cal Poly, telling them her Daddy was going to win the big race tomorrow!

4:55 p.m.  
Anonymous Sam, problemchildbride said...

God, John, that's terrifying. That was some serious cardio-training right there!

5:03 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Jesus John, even reading that I can imagine the panic. Ten minutes? They were probably some loooong minutes.

5:10 p.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

My neice's friend hacked off my niece's fringe,just days before her fifth birthday. My sister took her off to the hairdresser who gave her the pixie rock chick look - my sister said she cried as she saw the last of her blonde hair dropping to the ground.

As for me, I am still waiting for one of my doll's hair to grow back.

6:38 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Ah, your poor sis. She must have been gutter.
Did you ever have a 'Girl's World' LK? Remember them? A big plastic head you could 'style' and put sticky make up on. I had one back in the day, and she had huge eyes and long flaxen hair, which my brother cut about a month after my getting her.
Oh there were tears, tears and unrelenting rage over that one.

6:44 p.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

Oh I would still be smarting after that! No we didn't have those, but I was the very proud owner of a doll that my grandparents bought me in the UK which had a Rapunzel-like mane that flowed out of a whole in the top of her head. When you wanted her to have shorter hair, you just wound up a button thing in her lower back, for long tresses you just pushed her belly button. My cousin had an identical one - except hers was a ginger and suffered from a rather radical hair cut love from her brother.

7:13 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had one of those, her hair was like wire and you could put make up on her as well, emm think mine was called Suzie.

My good pal Jen, that is her real name, I might post a picture of her actually…anyway she is a daily reader of your blog but, for some reason is afraid to comment despite her new found revelation. Anyway, she is sure she knows who you are, now were that me I would tell anybody as I am a loyal trusting soul, she however is not (she is also a dirty ho). Anyway Miss Cat, if that is your real name, giving the fact that you have been absent and that upon release from prison this very moaning the suspect in question was quoted as saying he was looking forward to a rum and coke and spending time with his pet cats. So Little Miss Fatcat if you would be so good as to confirm my good pals suspicions and reveal if the person behind the Fatmammycat alias is in fact, Peter Doherty?



7:59 p.m.  
Anonymous Madnessburgers said...

Hehe, I feel for your nephew. When I was three or four I found some pinking shears in my mothers bedroom and decided that my younger sister needed a fresh look. She too had a gorgeous mop of angelic blond curls. I gave her an avant garde baldy look and then turned to my other sister who had just learned to walk and asked her if she wanted the same. To which she screamed and ran out of the room.

Apparently the sight of my sister sporting shorn stubble made my Mom burst into tears and she has never forgiven me as the once spiral curls grew back dead straight. I'm a bad sister :)

7:59 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

That's probably the only sensible thing Doherty has ever uttered.

Mads-if it any consolation I doubt your act of wanton yet creative vandalism was the cause of the straightness. Your poor mammy though.

8:38 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn straight sister, he is truly vomiticious.

Night folks I'm off to study


9:34 p.m.  
Anonymous common law said...

Is it wrong that I want to see pictures?

10:31 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Not wrong, human nature. Hope you're feeling better missus.

10:40 p.m.  
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