It was me.
I forced myself to say it. 'It was me!'
Somehow I had done it again, somehow-even though I had tried to resist, fought against it, consulted others, tried to still my baser instincts, somehow, despite all my best efforts, somehow...I had killed again.
There it lay, the proof of my nefarious deeds, dull, lifeless. My hands reached for it, but the moment I brushed against its limp form I snatched my fingers away. What was once a velvety soft thing of beauty, now lay filthy and rotting.
'I'm sorry. 'I said, aloud, dropping to my knees, feeling the tears build in my eyes. 'Im sorry. I'm so sorry. You were so young. So pretty, so...perfect.'
Perhaps that was it? The perfection? I professed to love it, but did I?
A cloud raced across the sun, plunging the room into shadows. I shivered. I stared at the lifeless thing before me. It hardly seemed possible that this was all that remained- this terrible husk- from what was once so majestic, so full of hope, wanting only to live, to survive, stretching always for the light...
Wake up Cat!
I had to do something, I couldn't leave it here like this, someone would see, someone would notice, they would look at me and know that I was to blame, that I was at fault, that I was a...
Don't say it.
Who could I blame?
I chewed my lip in consternation. My scalp prickled. There had to be a scapegoat, but who? No, there would be time for that later, first I had to dispose of it, hide the evidence, quick quick, think damn you!
I got up and stumbled blindly for the kitchen. Scarcely breathing I found the tools I needed.
It took a while, these jobs always do. I scrubbed the spot on the floor where it had fallen, spilling its essence on the cool hard tiles. There there, I said to it as I worked, my voice soft as a lover's whisper. I dismembered it, hacking furiously through its limbs, hurrying now. This last stage, when the decision is made, is always fraught with danger. I couldn't risk being caught now.
I lugged the plastic bag downstairs and staggered to the bin, only a few more steps. Come one come on!
Heave, one last Herculean effort.
There. I dusted my hands and stood, my chest heaving, in the sunlight. I was free, I had made it, no one could pin it on me now.
Satisfied, I made my way back to my apartment. I stepped inside the door and listened. Silence, no witness, nothing.
I mixed a drink and wandered into the sitting room, just one more thing now, the seal, the final nail. I did not look at where it once stood.
I dialled a number and rearranged my voice. I must sound convincing, harried, upset and yet mildly angry...
'Etheline? It's me. No I'm not all right, you know that beautiful plant you bought me for Christmas? Yeah, one of the bloody cats destroyed it last night. I don't know I think it was-' I paused, shit- 'the little one, you know he's not right in the head. Hum? Oh I know, it was a beauiful plant, such a shame. Bloody cats, I can't have anything with them.'
There, it is done.
I was free to kill again.