Thursday, September 21, 2006

It was rape!


Oh my, DMX, tough as cement, pitbull, owning gun toting crotch grabbing rapper, has bravely opened up to Sister to Sister magazine about his recent harrowing experience of male rape.
"She raped me," the rapper told S2S editor Jamie Foster Brown. "I mean, you know, that might sound like some bullsh*t. No man has ever been... you know what I mean, like never? Is that the only thing in the world that's not possible?"

Mrs. Simmons DMX's wife recalled an earlier encounter with the woman. "Before the stuff hit the fan, she came up to us while we were in court and said 'I work for kids that are sickly,' said Tashera. "So DMX said 'Give her my number.' That's how it goes all the time. At first, I said OK. But, then I thought she looked deranged and obsessed with him."
While his wife "blocks out" the experience to cope, X gained a more valuable lesson: "Turn on the light before I go to sleep," he said."

Tragically, from this unfortunate encounter, the victim, DMX, has fathered a child. Poor thing, say it with me now...ahhhhhh. Maybe he and his dawgs can go on a reclaim the night march. You know, taking back the night from all them evil wimmin that go around raping and getting pregnant by poor innocent rappers, the bitches.

23 Comments:

Anonymous Cate said...

That is gas!

10:54 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Poor lamb, I can see it so clearly. He was there talking 'bout the sickly kids 'n stuff, next thng that slip of a lass overpowered hiim, pinned him on his back, straddled him and bounced herself up and down on his terrified hard on as he struggled in vain to free himself. I bet he scrubbed himself raw afterwards and cried in the shower.
That evil wench.

10:59 a.m.  
Blogger Binty McShae said...

I know nothing about DMX or his claims... I do, however, know a guy who lost his virginity to an older woman, despite having told her he didn't want sex. At nearly 19 years old he wasn't a 'kid' and he had shared a bed with her on a couple of occasions, but one night woke up to find her riding him.

Not a nice way to lose it. And technically rape, whether people believe a man can be raped by a woman or not.

12:22 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

BIney, DMX is no ninteen year virgin. He's a tough muthafuckin' rapper who raps 'bout bitches and ho's and how 'X gonna give it to ya! He gon' give it to ya'! All the live long day.
And excuse me, what the hell is a ninteen year old man doing sharing a bad with a horny older woman if he doesn't want to have sex anyway?

12:35 p.m.  
Anonymous eoin said...

Well what does he expect with his class of carry on. Drunk out of his head, wearing half nothing...

12:38 p.m.  
Anonymous Cate said...

Can't have been too traumatic if he found himself capable of fathering a child during the whole horrific situation. I bet he put up a mighty struggle. Poor ould BMX.....sorry DMX silly me.

1:41 p.m.  
Blogger finn said...

well, that's the Sister to Sister version. how'll he spin it for Niggah to Niggah??

2:30 p.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

Hm.. I'm kinda bored today. Maybe I'll rape a man tonight to spice up things a bit... I'll find a dark alleyway and wait...

3:21 p.m.  
Blogger Kieran said...

It was going to happen sooner or later wasn't it. He was going around in all those short skirts, tarting himself up and winking at strangers, he was asking for it.

3:22 p.m.  
Anonymous Tattieheid said...

I woke up once to find myself "being taken advantage of", very enjoyable it was too! (For the record we had already cemented our relationship the night before and it definately wasn't rape!)

Sadly the only time it has happened since has been in my dreams. Oh for a bit of reality...:)

3:37 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

If that's the case I once raped a man too and I don't remember him complaining, the filthy pup. Lying there all nude, with one arm flung up ovber his head like that, what did he expect? He was definitely asking for it and by golly he got it!
I believe he said, 'now that's the proper way to be woken up, forget coffee!'
Don't worry Finn, I'll bet when he's talking to his dawgs it will be a WHOLE other story, the fact that his wife was stading there sort of 'clouded ' his memory of the shocking event.

4:29 p.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

What is wrong with his wife? She swallowed this?

I can see, mind you, how it would be difficult for such a large muscley fellow to lift a woman off his willy. Poor lamb. I'm surprised he managed to come in his terror.

5:32 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I'd say she's swallowed worse. Stories I mean...

6:01 p.m.  
Blogger Binty McShae said...

OK, so DMX sounds like a bit of a cock, but as for the guy I know... I've shared beds with women who have said no to sex. And I haven't then waited until they fell asleep and jumped on.

There is this theory that if a man has an erection it must mean he wants sex, even if he says no. But then a large amount of male-on-female rape is committed by men the women know, trust and possibly even fancy.

A woman can be enjoying a kiss and a cuddle and get turned on by a man, causing her juices to flow and her body to be ready for sex, but if she says no then it means no, right? And if he forces the issue... rape, without a doubt. So if a bloke is turned on enough to get an erection but doesn't actually want sex and the woman takes it anyway, what is that?

I'm not for one second claiming that this is something that happens regularly, and for the most part (whether it's politically correct to say it or not) men are the physically stronger sex, but that doesn't mean we should dismiss the exceptional case out of hand.

This guy I know... he's now nearly 32 and the experience continues to affect his life and his relationships.

3:38 a.m.  
Blogger Binty McShae said...

...you got me posting on it now...

4:51 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Fair enough Binty, I'm accept what you're saying, but I don't think this is the case with our dear DMX.

8:40 a.m.  
Anonymous ainelivia said...

Just read this fmc, and have a stitch from laughing...
and the comments aren't half bad either....

11:02 a.m.  
Anonymous ProstheticsSuck said...

A man's natural response to an attractive woman is a raging hard-on, even if he doesn't want sex. Therefore his story isn't complete sh*t, as in, it could actually happen.

So shut it and grow something called a heart, other than that oversized head of yours.

7:13 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Yeah yeah, his natural reaction. I get it, he couldn't control himself poor lamb, yes it's my fault for being heartlesss.
Snarf.

10:20 p.m.  
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