Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Driving Tests and cocaine. Not a good mix I'd say.

Morning chumleywarners! It's not raining. Oh it's threatening rain, but it's not actually doing the do, so huzzah!
Right, my Spanish friend is about to attempt her second go at the driving test this very morning. She's driving an automatic car to boot, yet, and I'm not being unkind when I say this, she will most likely fail. Swearing Lady had a friend who took hers the other day and failed miserably too. I have not seen SL's friend drive, but I have seen my Spanish friend and I must say-with my hand over my heart- she is one of the worst drivers I have every laid eyes on.
However, I will keep my fingers crossed, ( 9 was her start time). In total she has had almost eighty lessons-and no that is not a typo, I do mean eighty, so perhaps this time she'll do better. The majority were in a car with gears, but she failed the last test so spectacularly ( I've never seen so many XXXXXs) that she switched to an automatic so that she had less to worry about.

And sweet Jesus, almost 200M Euros worth of cocaine made it to our green shores yesterday. Probably would have done too if the gombeens hadn't overloaded their dinghy. I'd imagine some very angry people this morning are wondering just who's going to pay for that loss. Half a tonne of coke, sheesh.
And that's just the load they did discover, albeit purely by chance. Can you imagine how much of it is coming into the country if that's just one haul? No wonder the queues in the ladies on a Saturday night are so long. No wonder so many people do Doctor Zoidberg fingers when they're talking to you. It's clearly as ubiquitous as cigarettes, only not as frowned upon.

UPDATE: She failed. She said she even hit the kerb when she drove back to the centre after failing. To which her instructor simply sighed. Right ho, I'm off to meet her for some comisseration lunch and to plot for test 3. I'm certain some folk are just not supposed to drive.

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15 Comments:

Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Nice to think the cokeheads will go short for a while. They are the most self-deluded people I have ever come across and it's endemic in some circles. Nobody challenges them and they couldn't give a tuppeny fuck about gangland shootings and bombings as long as the powder keeps coming.

Pissing rain here. Again.

Did I mention I passed my driving test. Twice. The streets may be safer without yer Spanish pal... esp if she's also the Il Divo fan?

10:35 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Can you imagine the panic? All those paaaady folk will be on the blower to their dealers today making sure they stock pile in case there's a drought.
My lunch date is indeed the one and the same il Divo fan.
I see what you mean about the sodding rain too. My earlier glee was a tad premature.

10:40 a.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

I think you're right - some people are not meant to drive. Are you a good driver yourself, FMC?
I like to think I'm pretty decent, although I don't drive often these days, I don't have a car. But in my youth I drove loads (as opposed to now when I'm 35 and very old).

As for the coke - that's a lot of coke.

As for the weather - it's the same here in Edinburgh. Not raining at the moment, but it's only a matter of minutes. Sigh.

10:56 a.m.  
Blogger Annie said...

My mother once barked at me, "You drive like a man." I thanked her for the compliment.

11:26 a.m.  
Anonymous MacDara said...

Send her over for the cost of the 5 more lessons she can buy a lebanese license and then pay $100 for an international one and bobs your Uncle. Its not raining here and it hasn't since Middle of May. todays its 31C .

2:05 p.m.  
Blogger gimme a minute said...

Not sure about the title, fmc. It seems to me that they would be an excellent mix, given the importance of confidence in these types of venture.

Wouldn't want to be too wired, though. Something of a fine line, if you will..

2:40 p.m.  
Anonymous bender's said...

Expect to see a lot of very alert people walking dogs along west of Ireland beaches this weekend.

2:54 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Eva, I'm a pretty decent driver, confident without beng cocky and aware of other cars on the road.
Annie, I"m not sure that is a compliment.
Machawtness, how much is a lebanese one and I swear to God she might just think that is a good idea.
Gimmie, never mind coke what about acid? That could be most amusing.
Bender, alert and SUPER chatty.

3:21 p.m.  
Anonymous MacDara said...

its $ 300 if you want to do the test which involves driving forward and reversing back to where you came from. $400 with out test.

4:24 p.m.  
Blogger John Mc said...

She should come here, if you fail the written part of the test in California, you can retake it immediately. It's the same as the one you just failed, except now you know which ones you got wrong, which reduces the multiple choice options. The driving part is equally easy. It is almost impossible to fail, especially if you use an automatic.

4:32 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Machawts is there a written with it? Wouldn't she need an address there? Would she have to apply long before she flew there and so on.



(Waves at John Mc, thinks of Clueless, shudders)

4:55 p.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

Actually John Mc, you're right about the American license - dead easy. I had to re-take my licence in the US when I was living there many years ago, because my own driver's licence had been stolen. It was a matter of minutes and a quick spin to get it done... Hardly cost a thing either.
Oh, but I was nervous about re-entering the US a few years later, because whoever stole my original driver's licence might have used it for God knows what.. Fortunately nobody arrested me.

5:40 p.m.  
Anonymous MacDara said...

yes you do usually need an adress but as with everything in Lebanon there are ways and means, the means is usually a number of $100 bills.

I assume that you friend was allowed drive away in her car after she failed and hit the kerb. Dont you love Irish Logic.

Maybe she jsut gets nervous driving with passengers or Men?

5:44 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

She doesn't have a car, she hires one for the day from her driving school. She's not nervous at all either, just a really terrible driver. She doesn't even want the license for Ireland, but for Spain, as the test over there is one million times more difficult to pass.

5:54 p.m.  
Anonymous Pettifordaicq said...

Expect to see a lot of very alert people walking dogs along west of Ireland beaches this weekend.

2:02 p.m.  

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