Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Happy bleeding day! (this post may contain swear words)

Monstee, in his usual purple pawed way had drawn my attention to this piece of fucking nonsense...
http://www.always.com/period/haveahappyperiod.jsp

Celebrate being a girl? Because I bleed?
Firstly I ain't no girl I'm a woman, and secondly why would that make me celebrate? I didn't have any say in the matter. Do men celebrate being men? Do toads celebrate being toads? No, they just fucking well are what they are.

I mean seriously, are they fucking kidding me? Who the hell are they trying to fool? What woman in her right mind goes, 'YEAHHHH PERIOD DAY!" (unless she was worried about 'the change' or pregnancy) time to celebrate being a woman?'
I notice in their coping tripe there is not a single mention of 'taking a handful of painkillers and gulping them down with a glass of lukewarm water', oh no, not rosy and smiley enough.
Herbal tea? HERBAL TEA?
Maybe I should just go the fuck to a pet store and buy two Dalmations and get them to pull me along a boardwalk somewhere sunny while I wear in-line skatezz and WHITE FUCKING SHORTS to show how happy I am that the lining of my womb and whatever fucking egg I didn't get fertilized is sloughing painfully out. I mean, it makes women happy, right? RIGHT? I can strap up my sore breasts and do yoga, maybe rub my bloated and swollen stomach and eat chocolate, ooooohhh yeah, that will make it all worth while. UUUUU go me! Fuck the back ache and the backwards typing, maybe hang-gliding would make me enjoy happy time all the more.

DEAR ALWAYS, shove it up yer ronson. You know fucking what, women get periods all the bloody time, one a month in fact, it's part of who we are, we don't fucking fall apart when we get them, despite them being a HUGE pain in the arse. We don't need to resort to spoiling our pretty little selves, laughing, drinking herbal tea and sleeping in watching old movies while consuming buckets loads of chocolate. And the sooner you lot get your fat heads around that and governments stop taxing the fuck out of sanitary towels and tampons the fucking better.

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24 Comments:

Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Well said. And any woman claiming extenuating hormonal circumstances for biting someone's head off (or worse) should be told to stop copping out, right?

1:04 p.m.  
Anonymous MacDara said...

Look I am a man and I dont want to know about Periods and how much you dont like them etc etc. As far as I am concerned your friends come around once a month and annoy you and for a few days your short tempered or even more short than normal. Enough said.

1:24 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

O lads when she comes back your dead, this is going to be epic!

1:27 p.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

Actually "once a month" doesn't describe it accurately, since half the month has gone by the time you've dealt with the pmt as well.. And men, since we're forced to deal with this shit, at least let us keep the pleasure of screaming our heads off every now and then for no particular reason.. Just learn to shut up and let us be.
On a different note, I must say I love TV ads for tampons etc. that picture these happy, smiling women dancing on roses while they have their period - yeah right, that really sums up all the feelings. Talk about irony. I wish somebody would make a REAL ad. Again I feel a storyboard in the making....

1:43 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

Yes, testosterone and men's hormonal swings have never caused a problem.
Ahem.
"Always" is barking up the wrong fucking tree. Who wants to sit around in a pool of their own blood?
I think not.
There's nothing wrong with taking a chill out day when you need it during the 'ol menses, FMC.

1:45 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Nothing wrong with it if YOU so choose, but the idea that we fall apart at the seam or collapse like trodden daisies when we get a period drives me up the bloody walls. Also the idea that we should be 'celebrating being a woman' because we bleed is ridiculous.
I have a very good friend who is absolutely floored by her period, absolutely wiped out with the pain for the best part of three days, if I called her up and said she should smile and just celebrate being a woman she would probably take a hatchet to me, and I'm not really sure I'd blame her.
Our hormones dip and swerve and I have more than once burst out crying due to something I would normally deem not cryable over, but I also gave up a long time ago bahaving badly and blaming it on 'my friend visiting.'
Nowadays if I yell at someone I would have yelled at them no matter what day of the month is was.

1:58 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

how can you give it up you generally have little control over hormonal episodes?

2:07 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Course you can give up screaming and then blaming your period. I'm not a small child, I don't have to give in to every black mood and I don't see why the poor old paramour should suffer because I have a period.
I'm old enough to recognise when I'm feeling cranky due to my period and don't forget, I don't work with other folk so I don't have as much chance to act bitchily to others.

2:23 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I admire your dedication to himself. I’d prefer to just do as I please, I wouldn’t like to feel obliged to alter my mood in my own house, i pay half that morgage. I will not make a good wife.

2:35 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

Yes, and BRAVA on rejecting the "girl" label. Insulting. I don't like all the stereotypes that go along with menstruation, either. And men need to get over it, already. You don't need a fainting couch to hear women talk about their bodies.

2:53 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

As Eva so eloquently puts it... "Actually "once a month" doesn't describe it accurately, since half the month has gone by the time you've dealt with the pmt as well..."

I know, I know. And speaking of irony, it's a bit ironic when we're talking anaemia, right?

3:38 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

That is some terrible punning Conan, fierce all together.

3:57 p.m.  
Anonymous Peadar said...

get over it.
christ, ye women always have something to whinge about

8:18 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Get over what? Advertising?

8:22 p.m.  
Blogger Manuel said...

Over the years I have learnt to keep my nose amongst other things out of that whole are. I shall be maintaining my silence....

10:12 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Manuel you are a man of class, good taste and above all, impeccable reasoning.

10:28 p.m.  
Anonymous Babs said...

I don't get PMT (as in the ragey moods part) I do get hungry, very very hungry before my "friend" comes along, (nice friend) Most months I have to take the day off work, or sometimes two, once when I was 15 and thought I was going to go mental with the pain I had to get my Dad to take me to the docs who gave me some brilliant pain killer and a valium to calm me down, my period pains cure is this: two slices of batch loaf toast with real butter and marmite (it's lovely!) a giant cup of really strong really hot tea, approx 3-4 Neurofen plus, 2 mini Mint Aeros, cosy pj's, a hot water bottle and about 4-5 hours in bed, normally I am human after this, if this doesn't happen or is delayed I am fucked for about three days. Sometimes you have to give into the pain. Pilates is good for the pain too I find, which is good, cause I need something to burn away all the real butter sitting in my belly!

12:07 a.m.  
Blogger Fat Sparrow said...

"Always" can shove it up their hole, literally.

I'm on the Pill, and I haven't had a period for well over 2 years now. My migraines are linked to my cycle, so this means I get to skip one week of migraines, as opposed to putting up with them for two weeks.

I wish someone would have told me about skipping periods on the Pill back in the day when I was a youngster, as I was completely incapacitated by them. When I went to my doctor to see what could be done about it, she told me "Oh, your periods will regulate and you'll be in less pain once you have a couple of kids." Very enlightened, I'm sure, but what should I do until then?!

When Aunt Flo started visiting the Fledgling Sparrow, and the Fledgling Sparrow had the same kinds of problems that I did, I got her on the Pill right away.

And I don't understand all these women giving out about how it's not natural, etc. I know you did a post about that a while back, FMC, but it still amazes me. Girls didn't get their period until later, back in the day, and they spent half their lives pregnant, and no one complained about them being unnatural for skipping periods.

I'm wondering if all these pad manufacturers are stepping up their campaigns because more and more women are skipping their periods? And also mentioning the word "girl" to appeal to actual girls, who are more and more likely nowadays to wear tampons and not pads?

And you know that if it was men that bled out of their hole for one week a month, pads and tampons would be free under helath insurance and they'd get a week off for work, with pay. Not that I am bitter.

12:28 a.m.  
Blogger Face said...

LOL

I'm so sick of the tax that I've resorted to stealing tampons a few times, and not out of nesessity, out of principle. Since when are they a luxury item? I don't generally steal. Only when I'm so happy and relaxed from my warm bath or shower in candlelight and bath oil that my brain is addled. Not to mention all my sleeping late and serving myself breakfast in bed (which means I have to get out of bed, so whats the point I ask you?)A lass needs some excitement after all that.

12:36 a.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

If you're in a hormonal way, fine, you can't help it, it's hard to hide moods altogether. Some people have a hell of a time with pain and moods and I feel bad for them, but many others have a relatively OK time of it. It's crap and inconvenient and bloaty and sore but I agree that women shouldn't revel in their moodiness as much as it's become OK to do. What are we all, victims? Are periods a patriarchal plot to keep us subjugated? Hell no! It's just another argument against Intelligent Design. Wallowing in something unfortunate for its own sake just makes us weaker and whinier. And it's boring.

when I say "we" I don't mean women in particular, I mean the societal view pushed at us by advertising that we are all entitled to an orgy of plate-smashing and double chocolate ice-cream every month.

When did we all get so pampered and so wilting-rosey about the facts of life? Where have our spines gone?

I have had passing-out painful periods since I was 12 (like Sparrow, the pill and being pregnant were the only things that sorted them out) and, those months I moped and whined and lashed out because i thought I had some sort of a girly-advert-licensed to do so, were the months I found the longest and hardest to deal with. I would wallow with the ice-cream because I thought I deserved it somehow. I felt sorry for myself. I found myself exaggerating to myself what I was going through. I was on the pill and not passing out and OK kinda sore for a day, and kinda grumpy - but it wasn't nearly as bad when I put myself to ignoring it!

By then I'd left uni and it all just seemed a bit silly. I knew I wasn't nearly as fragile as my boyfriend at the time seemed to think I was. I was embarrassed by his solicitous concern. He'd bought into my need to be pampered more than me!

After that, just not rolling over and flailing my arms helped wonders. I still have the hot-water bottle and the paracetamol and the early nights - I eat more chocolate too - but I try to be more grown-up about the whole thing, more like the strong women I admire, many of them from older, more stoic generations. I try not to bore my husband with it, because it is fucking boring to have to listen to that every month - I bore myself if I whine about it, why would I want to bore my husband too? God, the man reads tool magazines and enjoys it - he doesn't need any more boring in his life, he needs to be weaned off it.

1:50 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Stealing eh? I like it.
FatSparrow, I'm still shocked that I didn't know periods could be gotten rid of and I told my friend (of the great pain) straight away, I believe she said something about taking that hatchet to her own doctor for not mentioning it to her before.
And sanitary items should not be taxed, they are not a luxury product. Bastards.
Babs- Marmite? MARMITE?
SAM! Welcome home, there is a poem/pome/peom, I thought of you while I composerd it. And you're quite right of course.

9:56 a.m.  
Anonymous Babs said...

Yes FMC, Marmite, I love it with all my heart to the point that if I don't have it for a few days I actually crave it, strange yes, beautiful, no, its the ultimate in comfort food for me, some people like sweets and crisps, I like Marmite and am not ashamed to say it!

8:23 p.m.  
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