Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Hollywood fairy dust in short supply.

Being fabulous and glamorous is a full time bloody job and I have a grudging respect for folk who never have a hair out of place nor lipstick on their gleaming teeth. I really do. Gamma was like that, no matter what hour of the day or night she wore full make up and her hair was set, set like iron. She could have wandered through a hurricane and her hair would not have moved an inch.
My Spanish Friend is like that too, I have known her ten years and I have never -not even once- seen her in jeans, or indeed any kind of trousers. Or a jumper. She owns no t-shirts.
How odd actually.
I rather like old time movie stars for just the same reason, were there ever snaps of Ava Gardner standing smoking a fag in slippers or flipflops? Did Marlena wander through Kitsons in a tracksuit? Did Lana Turner ever leave the house with greasy hair, denim shorts, braless and unwashed?
I think not.
Back in the day stars had no choice but to look fabulous at all times in public. The studios owned them and they were film stars, they had to be otherworldly, unattainable, not like mere mortals, not like you and me, they were demi-gods. They were the orchids, the rare and beautiful, that folk- the humble daisies and buttercups- gawped at and dreamed about becoming.
These days, not so much.
Today our actors have feet of clay and in some cases plain old hooves. Mixed among the 'exhausted' the break ups, tattoos, adoptions, malnourished, coked out, bennied up, heroin smoking, dog carrying, car crashing, closet gay, cheating, lying, stealing, clothes grabbing, face lifting, score settling, dog fighting, house buying, trout lipped, lap top throwing megalomaniacs, there are still some actors and singers who operate with style and grace, but it seems that they are in the minority. They're probably not, but it just seem that way.
Anyway, with the advent of gossip sites and glossy weekly magazines we can see for ourselves that Hollywood is a ghastly blood sucking youth obsessed dump. But then it always was.
In the old days however Hollywood kept a lid on its grosser activities, a tight rein on the press, a dust pan and brush at the ready to sweep under the carpet all manner of scandals. There were drugs and abortions, affairs, underage sex, 'suspicious' deaths and closet gays in abundance, but hoi polloi new bugger all about it-except for the very occasional leak, and I blame Hedda Hopper for that, the clever minx.
Of course they did not have photoshop. Which is where I came in.
You can be as bad, sad, mad, deranged, junked up and in need of a decent parent all you like, but no matter. Sit still for a moment, shut up and smile. Don't worry about the track marks and the bags under your eyes, the bloated, belly, the sickly pallor, the washed out gaze.
Sit still for one moment and Hollywood will screw the lid back on, if only for a moment. Ah, there it is, the unattainable, the star quality. Too bad it won't last, fairy dust never does.
There will always be photoshop.
Photoshop is the news rehab.


Anonymous eva said...

When I saw that photo of Britney Spears I had to look really closely to even recognize her at first.
Now wonder people's minds get screwed up regarding the so called "beauty ideal" (which I think is bollocks anyway), when in reality none of these people look like that.. i.e. not even the "beautiful people" are as "beautiful" as they appear on pictures...

10:36 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ah I wish her all the best, being honest with myself, no amount of airbrushing would make me look that good, she is naturally a very pretty girl.

10:56 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

She was, but she's a total wreck.

11:09 a.m.  
Anonymous Macdara said...

I am like that I never leave the house with out look fabulous Darling

11:11 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I"ve learned my lesson too Machawtness, I'm still having nightmares about being caught in fuzzy rabbit jammies and pink fleece booties. Not a good look for social fatcats.

11:18 a.m.  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

Without photoshop there would be no Blunt Cogs...

1:44 p.m.  
Blogger Annie Rhiannon said...

That level of Photoshopping takes so much skill. It's one thing cloning out blemishes, but that airbrushing is bordering on illustration.

1:48 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In the old days however Hollywood kept a lid on its grosser activities, a tight rein on the press, a dust pan and brush at the ready to sweep under the carpet all manner of scandals. ...

What about Hush-Hush ?....See the link....http://www.modernatomic.com/hush-hush/index.php

2:20 p.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

Without photoshop there would be no Blunt Cogs...

Curse you, Adobe.

3:51 p.m.  
Blogger PI said...

I'm all for making the best of one self - occasionally - but what maniac discovered trout pout? Calista Flockhart is the latest and I can't take my eyes off it in 'Brothers and Sisters.'
Britney Spears is a tragedy in progress poor girl.

4:18 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

One of the biggest differences between old Hollywood and new is the current lack of distinct star persona, most likely due to the modern papparazzi who are an independent and free roaming beast 24/7. You're dead right that the old studio bosses ran the press, FMC. That's why you never saw the lovely Ava Gardner or Elizabeth Taylor pass out drunk or shoving a hamburger in her face. The stars have no mystique because we see and know far too much about them. I'm not saying that it's good or bad, it's just the way it is.

5:03 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

KIm, that's a fine new shopped avatar, very picasso-escue.
Twenty-le sigh. I know you have a painful ring piece but for marmalade's sake...

Pat, I think they're ghastly too, although I believe Meg Ryan has finally stopped. Perhaps she saw MegRyanFish. http://fatmammycat.blogspot.com/2007/08/megryanfish-fishy-friday-foto-for-finn.html

Nonny, didn't Hedda Hopper work for some magazine or other? Her and some other one ran hollywood gossip.
Medbh, that's the word, mystique, there is none. Now we get it warts and all. Remember all those labia shots that went around for awhile? Vile.

I would like to have a professional photo shopper for all my photos Annie, even the good ones. (1 out of every 10, for some reason I always looked confused on photos, confuses or demented)

5:14 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

A recent bio of Ava Gardner revealed that she drank like a fish and most men under the table and that it was one of the reasons Sinatra fell for her. But again, we never saw her sloppy drunk or getting a DUI. Starlets have always indulged in booze/drugs/sex, we just never saw it.

9:32 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Quite right, Marlena was a voracious lover, but her business to herself.

8:58 a.m.  
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