Thursday, November 01, 2007

Dog the Bountry Hunter...

suffers a Kramer moment.
You can find a recording of his outburst all over the interweb, but I would like to provide a little snippert...

"I don't care if she's a Mexican, a whore or whatever. It's not because she's black, it's because we use the word ni**er sometimes here. I'm not gonna take a chance ever in life of losing everything I've worked for for 30 years because some fucking ni**er heard us say ni**er and turned us in to the Enquirer magazine. Our career is over! I'm not taking that chance at all! Never in life! Never! Never! If Lyssa [Dog's daughter] was dating a ni**er, we would all say 'fuck you!' And you know that. If Lyssa brought a black guy home ya da da... it's not that they're black, it's none of that. It's that we use the word ni**er. We don't mean you fucking scum ni**er without a soul. We don't mean that shit. But America would think we mean that. And we're not taking a chance on losing everything we got over a racial slur because our son goes with a girl like that. I can't do that Tucker. You can't expect Gary, Bonnie, Cecily, all them young kids to [garbled] because 'I'm in love for 7 months' - fuck that! So, I'll help you get another job but you can not work here unless you break up with her and she's out of your life. I can't handle that shit. I got 'em in the parking lot trying to record us. I got that girl saying she's gonna wear a recorder..."

Now, I'm not sure why ANYONE is fully shocked that Duane Dog Chapman, a murderer and bounty hunter with a penchant for leather and praying to the LAWD! for guidance might use racist language, I'm really not. But nonetheless, the DOG has fouled his bed and has now gone with his tail between his legs to the REV, Al Sharpton (voice of ALL black people it seems) to get his nose smacked by rolled up newspaper. Doubtless Dog will relocate god from where ever he left him and a case of top quality forgiveness, enough so that he may straighten the feather in his hair and carry on arresting folk who skipped bail and lecturing them about into complete submission while directing their sorry asses to jail and also the 'path of life, Bra'. And I'm sure his conversion to the light will in no way have ANYTHING to do with his popular and lucrative eponymous television show.
Damn, I'd rather be tasered any day of the week than lectured about god, but hey, each to their own.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comes from the "you couldn't make it up" category. I would love to live in America for a year or two - it would be like living in a weird movie - they have the most extraordinary nutters, like this bloke and the religious freaks in your previous post. And they get followers regardless what piffle they come out with. I find the illogical oddness of it all strangely attractive!

10:25 a.m.  
Anonymous Shebah said...

Sorry, FMC - that anonymous was me!

10:27 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Me too, I'd love to live in Maine for a year eating lobster and then take a road trip all over the states in a winniebago. Someday I just might.

10:38 a.m.  
Anonymous nonny said...

" a murderer "

He is a murderer???

10:40 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Yep, I believe he was in jail for quite some time for it.

10:42 a.m.  
Anonymous Green Ink said...

Shocking. His hair I mean. Dog loves coloured people as long as they're on crystal meth.

10:53 a.m.  
Anonymous Nonny said...

Knew he was in jail alight didn't know he was a murderer. He is mental but I still watch it. It's gas about five of them run up and attack some guy who is normally just standing there and willing to go with them and there all high five's saying "Yeah, Woo hoo, we sure nailed that turkey" Heh its funny. And Beth’s chest is enormous she could sure fit a criminal or two in that cleavage.

11:27 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Sort of like the Steve Irwin of Bountry Hunters.

11:43 a.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

If you ever really come to live in Maine for a while FMC - I can totally hook you up. That's my tribal homelands, and much of my family is still there. I'm an 'insider,' if you will.

As for Dog the Bounty Hunter, never watched it, never will. Trolls like him are no better than the supposed "scum" they chase down. And he's stupid. Which is a the worst of all crimes. The whole reality TV thing is sickening and I wish it would go away.

1:13 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

That family is a collective steaming pile of shit.

1:56 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Andraste! I might just take you up on that. Is it true about Maine lobster, that it is the best tasting lobster on the planet? (drool)

2:25 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Can I interject, as it seems (in)appropriate... Maine Coons. There, that's all I wanted to say.

2:37 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

They're lovely big cats, right? But what of the lobster? I've heard rumour of its all out fantabulousnesssssss.

2:52 p.m.  
Blogger Dr. James McInerney said...

So, to summarise FMC's posts today:

In Dog we Trust and In God we Trust.

Which is loopier?

Oh, and Lobster is most good indeed in Halifax, Nova Scotia, which is like America, but they drink a lot more.

3:12 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Big and hairy.

As for lobster, lobster schlobster say I. Not very cuddly and you need a hammer to eat 'em.

3:21 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I don't mind using a hammer on 'em, and they drink more? Docky2, where is thy sting?

3:39 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

Well, I'm definitely partial to Maine lobster. It is truly Ambrosia. I don't like to eat things with a face, and even I tuck in at least twice each summer.

Haven't had it in Halifax Docky2, but I resent the aspersion you cast on Maine drinkers. Mainers are absolutely amazing drinkers, the most astounding bunch of alcoholics this side of the Atlantic. Last time I wen to Old Orchard Beach, the majority of the crowed was 'faced by NOON.

Are you challenging us? ARE YOU?

3:42 p.m.  
Blogger PI said...

Yeah Maine's fine but since seeing 'Easy Rider' in the late sixties there are parts of America which really scare me.

3:47 p.m.  
Anonymous Nonny said...

Clearly you people never saw the Little Mermaid. I wonder how brave you lot would be if somebody threw one down your pants. What do they taste like anyhow?

3:57 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...


4:08 p.m.  
Anonymous Nonny said...

Heh heh, I often wondered I buy it at a market for the cat. The smell of him after it is yukier than yuk.

4:17 p.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

What in all unholy hell is he going on about? That made about as much sense to me as going to Paris for the polka. Jeezo, what a Neanderthal.

4:32 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

Honestly, I know of nothing to compare the taste of lobster to. Never thought about it before...Can't think of a thing!

Nothing like chicken. Sweeter than crab, yet not really sweet. maybe similar to crab, yet more full because the meat is so much denser...

Shit. Now I want one.

4:38 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Sam, I think he's doing the 'I'm a racist, but I'm not a REAL racist, some of my best friends are blacks, well not really, I just have all these negative thought about colour, but you know I'm not a racist...' dance.

Andraste, me too, with a bowl of mussels in a white wine and shallot sauce on the side, and two pitchers of frothy beer. Eeeeee. I'm starving!

4:42 p.m.  
Anonymous Nonny said...

If I was going to go over to the dark side and eat one of God’s sea creature I think it would be Oysters, I heard they are divine with Guinness.

5:00 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

They taste of sea water I think. I never really got them. I don't mind them, but hardly first choice. I like clams, they're much nicer. And my friend make an stew with fresh squid and octopuss and mussels and clams....mmmmyum. It's not really a chowder either, I think it's a dish from Andalucia.

5:10 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

Mmmmm...Guinness. Divine with mussels too. Or baby clams in a white wine, garlic and butter sauce.

With bread for dipping.

Oh dear oh dear oh dear...

5:11 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Oh fresh crusty bread straight from the oven dipped in peppery garlicy oniony fishy white wine sauce... Drool dribble, slurm.

5:22 p.m.  
Anonymous Bonnie said...

FMC, I think we we need to do the "foreign exchange student" thing here. When you're done living in Maine and you've eaten four times your body weight in lobsters, you just Winnebago your body over to northern California and I'll go live in your little corner of the earth and we'll compare notes. And you'll learn where all of those nut jobs they put on reality TV come from. It'll be fun! It'll be educational! It's a two-fer!

5:25 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

If we can get someone to film us we might even have a hit show on our paws!

5:28 p.m.  
Blogger Dr. James McInerney said...

looky here.

8:09 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Weird. I was just reading the following,

8:32 p.m.  
Anonymous laughykate said...

I have never got the raw oyster thing. Am quite happy to eat them battered (thereby completely screwing their delicate taste), and wash down with a blizzardly cold beer....oh joy. Champagne also works as well. (Having said that, chamapagne goes down well with just about everything - I would imagine it could make dog shit taste good). However I just can't do the raw oyster thing. I was once handed an oyster, literally minutes after arriving into port, it was HUGE - the size of my hand and it was like eating a giant piece of salty snot.

9:36 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I think I prefer Cava to Champagne, but in the heel of the hunt I'd lick most alcohol off a scabby leg, so I'll agree with you.
Sea flavoured snot, quite apt indeed.
Good night.

11:17 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

My introduction to shellfish... a pin and a cone of paper filled with periwinkles, for sixpence, at the seaside. Deliciously snotalicious. Nowadays, it's a big yes to mussels simmered in white wine and garlic, with guinness and buttery bread, or live prawns slathered in olive oil and straight onto the bbq at the beach... mmmmmm

12:02 p.m.  
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