Thursday, December 20, 2007

How to cook Brussels Sprouts.

Ah, the 20th of December, soon we will be swilling wine, licking turkey off our collars and trying to loosen the waistbands on whatever garment we wore, thinking there was some room in it. Some of us have already started on the eggnog. So with all the festive good will I can muster this last day of work I would like to provide readers with the yearly Fatcat recipe detailing how to cook Brussels Sprouts.

The correct way to cook Brussels Sprouts. Pay attention now, this is very important...

Heat large pan of water, copper bottom is always best, no matter what anyone tells you
add salt.
Add brussel sprouts when water is boiling.
Cook for ten minutes until sprouts soften slightly.
Mutter the words 'al dente' under your breath.
Turn off water.
Open bottle of chilled white wine, drink bottle of chilled white wine, watch film, have sex, whatever tickles your fancy.
Continue to ignore sprouts.
Drain water and throw sprouts away following day.

Absolutely foolproof.



Blogger Dr Maroon said...

This rings a bell.

Did you know that sprouts and the other brassicas, (for that is the genus to which they belong) are terribly good at hoovering up free radicals?

We always keep our sprout water for 12 days to give to our guests at Epiphany. They love it.
Mrs Maroon and I have to make do with chilled Bolly.

Whatabout mulled wine? It is totally and I mean TOTALLY fuggin awful. I'd pour that away.

12:30 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I think I'm probably against mulled wine too Docky. Vile gack, but very good for sterilizing cuts for some reason.
Oh roll on the rest of today so that I may wander lonely as a drunk for a few days guilt free.

12:35 p.m.  
Blogger Dr Maroon said...


thank goodness.

i read it too fast the first time.

12:46 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Snarf. Oh you are wicked.

1:11 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

They smell awful when you boil them. I like to slice them thin and sautee them with olive oil, lemon juice, shallots and ginger. Yum, yum, gimme some.
The rest of the night sounds good.

1:21 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Your way sounds perfectly reasonable and dare i say it almost deeeelishious. Which is why no self respecting Irish home will adhere to it. No no darling, they will be boiled, and their iron-y pungent aroma will singe the hair form my very nostrils.

1:30 p.m.  
Blogger gimme a minute said...

My grandmother subscribed to the 'if you can count them then they're not done' school of sprout cookery.

Like there weren't enough reasons to hate the minging little green snots.

2:00 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Urgh, sprout soup/swamp.

2:08 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

I had a roomate who boiled them for ages and then put Molly McButter on them (it's the fake butter). She was always gassy.

3:29 p.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

You're all mad. Sprouts rule.

3:32 p.m.  
Blogger Canadian Girl said...

Finally - a brussels sprouts recipe I would actually try! Horrid things. My kids asked me to make them once, as I NEVER buy the stuff and they wanted to try them. I did, they tried them, and they've never asked again!

3:36 p.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

Its one of the xmas lows that make the highs seem so much better - like the inevitable family argument, getting all worked up, then going and getting absolutely trollied with your mates. Mmm, angry drinking...

3:46 p.m.  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

I always thought you start boiling the sprouts on December 1st.

5:21 p.m.  
Blogger Dr. James McInerney said...

I read the word 'fancy' too fast and somewhat out of context...or not. Aaargh. I don't know.

5:34 p.m.  
Anonymous stipes said...

perfect recipe, fmc, but you bin the sprouts BEFORE adding them to the water

7:17 p.m.  
Anonymous Laughykate said...

I'm sorry but I just had to go and throw up. The thought of brussel sprouts in the morning is really bad way to start the day. Doesn't it say in the Enyclopedia of Everthing under 'Ways to Torture Children'
1. First take some brussels sprouts.....

When I was a child and my mother broke out the brussel sprouts, generally i would find myself fleeing from the dining room as fast as my little legs would carry me.

8:22 p.m.  
Blogger Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I have never understood why anybody in their right mind would eat brussel sprouts.

2:46 a.m.  
Anonymous Binty McShae said...

I like brussel sprouts, always have. It always irked me that we only got them at Christmas. And over here I can't get the buggers at all!

7:18 a.m.  
Anonymous Binty McShae said...

I like brussel sprouts, always have. It always irked me that we only got them at Christmas. And over here I can't get the buggers at all!

7:19 a.m.  
Anonymous Binty said...

I like them so much I had to tell you twice!

7:19 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Good lord Binty, are you mad? Vile wee beasties. Down with sprouts. down with sprouty things. Also, down with cabbage. When I ma Queen-and after I've done away with reiki, psychics, whale tales and gum chewers, I believe I will turn my dastardly hand to the elimination of all things cabbage.

9:31 a.m.  
Blogger John Mc said...

Boiled! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Feckin' drek. I couldn't stand brussel sprouts until a friend introduced me to baked sprouts. Wash 'em, rub some olive oil on 'em. Mix with some whole cloves of peeled garlic. Bake for 25 minutes. Delicious, crunchy, garlicky and not as bitter as boiled.

10:44 p.m.  
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