Friday, December 21, 2007

Men are flappy and bossy.

Zounds and confound it! I am being harassed.
A free day at last, I am officially finished work today. So, thought I, sweet! I'll sleep in, get up whenever, read through the morning paper at my leisure, find something to chortle over, do a post, await the arrival of morning chumlies to the water cooler/coffee stand, see how they are doing this fine and frosty morning. Maybe go into town for lunch with the Spaniard. And then play it by ear there after.
BUT NO!
The paramour, that great big chunk of all things male, is also off this morning and wants to 'do' stuff. And what he seems to want to 'do' most is boss me about and tell me to hurry up and get ready so that we might go to Dundrum and pick up some 'bits and pieces'
'Bit and pieces?' I squawked from under the duvet where I was hiding out this velly morning.
'Yes, come on, shake a leg, let's go, come on.'
'Okay.' I lied.
And promptly fell back into the deep coma he had woken me from. Puddy, who had fought the Bigger of the cats for top of the bed supreme snoozing place, settled back and began to huffy snore gently. She is used to second sleep going on for quite some time, but today both of us were in for a rude awakening.
'Come on! I know you're stalling.'
And then chumlies, then he did something so...utterly unspeakable I am still in shock.
He pulled the cover off me!
'Aieeeee.' I said as cold air flooded over my jammied corpse.
'Reaccck.' said Puddy as she rolled over onto her back.
'I know you're just going to fall back asleep again.' The paramour said. 'Come on, there's coffee down stairs, we want to get going and out there and get parking.'
That's a whole lot of getting.
Well, I am aghast at this treatment. Aghast I tell you. And now he's flapping about all over the place and demanding I 'get dressed' and 'get ready' and stuff. And I'm all, 'but I need to check my emails and stuff.' And he's all, 'How long will THAT take you?'
And I'm all, 'Well, if you leave me alone for a few minutes not as long as if you stand there making that trapped wind face.'
And THEN Chumlies, he looked at his watch and THEN he tapped it and said, 'I want to be leaving here before ten-thirty.'
I'm telling you, it's like being in the military or something. I don't even have time to read the Daily Mail or anything, which means my blood pressure will be too low to go looking for 'bits and pieces.' Plus he want us to go to Mark&Sparks and I haven't had breakfast yet, which means I'll buy all manner of delicious looking crap because I will be HUNGRY.
Argh! I barely have time to post this. He's just said, 'come on love' in this really disappointed voice. He's trying to use guilt on me chumlies.
Argh. And it's working.
Argh I say. Dundrum, don't you know it will be packed.
Argh.
Men are bossy and sneakily good at it.

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16 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I empathise with the slumberdown being pulled off. This is something I am regularly subjected to. It is not nice, but it does get you up!

10:57 a.m.  
Blogger Caro said...

He's turning into a Dad! This is all classic Dad behaviour, right down to phrases such as "shake a leg" and "I want to be leaving here before ten-thirty".

But it's the watch-tapping that gives it away. When he starts putting the hands on the clock forward to fool you I'd start getting really worried.

I'd pick up a pregnancy test if I were you...

11:16 a.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

Ahh, he's one of them people, eh? A quick punch to the throat usually sorts them out, but then again that does involve leaving the comfort of the duvet...

Prob wont be near a computer till after xmas, so happy Christmas FMC and assorted peeps!

Bleee!

11:18 a.m.  
Blogger Dr Maroon said...

I for one, do not like the sound of him.

12:20 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

Doing premature wakey wakeys for SHOPPING? There are more worthy purposes...

Too utterly awful.

12:59 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Oh Jesus! Dundrum wasn't so bad, we got one of the EIGHT spaces left in the very lower level. But now I have to go upstairs and get changed and then grab a bus and go into town to meet with the Spaniard and she'll want to have a 'coptail' or two and I've only had a bite of sushi and I've got to pick up two more gifts because the FUCKERS in Dundrum had sold out-even those it's totally not their fault and frankly I feel so sorry for anyone who works retail at his time of year.
Mmmm this tea is so nice.
Caro, I think you hit the nail on the head, he was even driving like his pappy today, complaining loudly if people indicated too late and getting annoyed at folk who dithered. He mercifully refrained form shaking his fist at them though, his pappy does that a lot.

1:52 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

The sweet talking "c'mon love" is what gets to you in the end, FMC.
I hate leaving the house without having anything to eat. It's a recipe for crankiness.
Hope you got the bits and pieces with minimal hassle, if it's possible.

1:52 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Sheepie! Have a wonderful break and enjoy the Festivus for the Restivus to the max.

1:52 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Darling, we crossed. Yes, 'the 'love' part kills me every time, any sort of slightly 'disappointed plaintive' talk gets me but good. Right gotta run.

1:54 p.m.  
Blogger grimsaburger said...

I'm totally with caro on the dad-ness. My sister and I got off easy with Dad pulling the covers off of the bed in the morning to get us "up and at 'em." My brother got picked up out of bed and dropped in the snow on the front porch. Maybe you could get a duvet like a roller-blind, so that when he pulls the covers off, they just snap right back up around your neck.

1:57 p.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

Nothing worse then when somebody pulls the duvet off you in the morning! Stuff like that calls for revenge.
It does sound like you have a more enjoyable afternoon ahead, though.

From one thing to another, FMC, guess what YOU MADE ME DO!!!?
You made me go running last night. Yep! I had been glued to the computer all day with a heavy deadline, and when it was over I felt half dead, so I flung myself on the sofa, under a blanket with the fireplace going, and I felt like never moving ever again. Outside was cold as f*ck and Very Uninviting.
But a little voice - I swear it was you! - told me to "get up, go for a run, and you'll feel so much better afterwards". It kept nagging at me.
Hello? Moi? I don't even like running?
But I went.
And I did feel fab afterwards.
God, what will be next? You obviously have a frightening power over people.
Use it on the paramour is my advice.

2:06 p.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

O bed! Parting is such sweet sorrow.

3:23 p.m.  
Anonymous Babs said...

I feel for you FMC, Dundrum on a day like today must have been hell, don't go near the shops after today, not unless you want to be an institution for Xmas day. The duvet thing is horrible, I think if someone did that to me now I would probably beat them to a pulp, I have been in the leaba since 4.30 after a boozy work lunch, it's so cosy and lovely!

7:43 p.m.  
Anonymous Greg Finnegan said...

FMC, not sure it's a male thing. My ex tried that crap on me once for Christmas shopping. I got her to relent by reminding her that more people than usual get buried beteeen Christmas and New Years - - the ones murdered by a mate who they treated poorly.

12:19 a.m.  
Anonymous laughykate said...

When he starts telling Dad jokes, then you know you're in deep sheit.

1:10 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Huzzah Eva, a convert!
Oh folks, it was too terrible for words. No wait, it wasn't, here are the words
Bleeeeeeee and yack, yack to busy shopping centres and yack also to grumpy fucks who don't even acknowledge polite people -like say, me- who hold open doors and say excuse me when I need to get past.

10:01 a.m.  

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