Saturday, August 02, 2008

Conversation Stopper.

'You know,' said the Paramour loudly as he pushed the trolley laden with groceries towards the car, 'I have an EXCEPTIONALLY itchy anus.'
I turned to him to say... something, and noticed the woman directly behind him drop her jaw and stare.
'Thank you for sharing that Parmour' I said. 'With me and the lady behind you.'
But he just laughed.
He doesn't care, but I know that shocked women will doubtless say to her mother or husband later today, 'You'll never guess what I heard some man tell his lady today...'

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32 Comments:

Blogger gimme a minute said...

This just cheered me right up.

Especially the 'exceptionally'.

2:38 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

A case of a good chilli and not enough beer? Nothing an ice cube wouldn't sort out, pronto!

2:53 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

That wouldn't embarrass me. I would have said "what the fuck are you looking at?"
But then I've been feeling like a mega bitch lately.

2:58 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

Hah! As if I didn't already have enough reason to like the paramour...he's a keeper!

4:04 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I just laughed, you can't really do much more to a line like that.

4:14 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

The expression on her face was priceless though.

4:15 p.m.  
Blogger jothemama said...

Truly, the mystery has faded.

For you AND the woman :)


And Medbh, I'd say she was looking at the man in Tesco shouting about his anus. Come on. You don't get that every day.

6:55 p.m.  
Blogger Dr. James McInerney said...

Petrol for the car to bring you shopping 1.30
green peppers 2.00
The look on the womans face when you say that you have an itchy fundulum....priceless.

8:11 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

True, Joe, but I'd still call her on being a nosey bitch.

10:12 p.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

I wish I would have just told my sister ANYTHING about my or anybody elses anuses. Anything but..
3 hours on skype.
I told her how I felt.
Oh, I will have to get more drunk now than I have ever been in my life.
Please - anybody - tell me something outrageous.

12:01 a.m.  
Blogger jothemama said...

Sisters... meh.

9:27 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Yikes Eva! Was it 'oh I really do love you you know' or ' I've always hated you you know' type of stuff'. Three hours, dang. That's a whole lotta talking.

11:09 a.m.  
Anonymous problemchildbride said...

If I heard such a complaint in the supermarket I'd direct the sufferer to aisle 7, the bum-cream aisle.

2:15 p.m.  
Blogger jothemama said...

Ah yes, the bum-cream aisle. They should make that bigger....

I typed 'isle' first, which threw me into a misty little moment of contemplation.

6:58 p.m.  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

"I'll have to remember not to plant the cucumbers next to the poison ivy then"

8:00 p.m.  
Blogger morgor said...

hehe, I'd like to go to the bum-cream isle.

9:49 p.m.  
Blogger jothemama said...

You live in the bum cream aisle.

11:06 p.m.  
Blogger Manuel said...

tremendous.......life on the edge......

12:16 a.m.  
Anonymous problemchildbride said...

The misty Isle of Bumcream is a beautiful spot, Morgor but it's full of assholes.

1:32 a.m.  
Blogger Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Blokes have no sense of embarrassment.

Medically proven fact.

4:18 a.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

"The misty Isle of Bumcream"

...oh it sounds like such a magical place....

Btw he sister thing sorted itself out, phew (but sometimes is such a relief to live in a different country than your family)

9:55 a.m.  
Blogger morgor said...

The misty Isle of Bumcream is a beautiful spot, Morgor but it's full of assholes

A shitty class of clientelle alright.

10:17 a.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

The bum cream aisle has reminded me of a story my cousin told me about a friend of her's - who was living in London at the time.

This woman had a young child who basically didn't talk ( I assumed from the conversation that child was three-ish). No one knew why - child of a doctor and a dentist, normal in every other respect.

Anyway, one day woman and child were in Boots. Things were being processed by check-out person. A deep voice was heard from beneath counter as a tube of cream went across counter - 'that's for Mummy's sore bottom, it's called thrush.'

FIRST WORDS UTTERED.EVER.

I think they put the no talking down to the child having the deep voice. How I love that story.

11:26 a.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

"The misty Isle of Bumcream"

Sounds like the start of a Seamus Heaney poem...

11:49 a.m.  
Blogger jothemama said...

Nope, more like Yeats.

I will arise and go now,
and go and scratch my hole'

11:55 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Oh misty isles and craggy rocks of Bumcream, where white talc peaks tower over lush valleys and swampy vales. Sniff, not the fog, the miasma of fetid, nor linger near her treacherous caves. Oh Bumcream isle, will ye never change.

12:01 p.m.  
Blogger jothemama said...

'The Isle of Soothing Cream'

by Itchy B Yeats

I will arise and go now
to the isle of Soothing Cream

An icecube I will freeze there,
and cooling bath prepare

Nine tubes of Preparation H will I have there, and latex gloves for me

Ad scratch alone with my arse quite bare.

12:08 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Sniff, that was beautiful Jo, and I really hate poetry normally.

12:14 p.m.  
Blogger jothemama said...

Well, it's important to have a moving subject.

12:21 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Never a more pungent word was spoken.

12:25 p.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

Well, it's important to have a moving subject.


It would make application of the cream more difficult but there are those that thrive on challenges.

12:53 p.m.  
Blogger jothemama said...

I hear it's a Greek sport, soon to be awarded Olympic status.

1:50 p.m.  

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