Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Breaking the Law Daily.

I was stuck in traffic an while ago and forced to listen to Gerry Ryan. Terrible I know, I've only just recovered. He's not a bad lad, just the sound of his voice is like jazz to my ears, intolerable.
Anyway, he made reference to the twenty law that most of us regular folk break everyday.
And they are...
1. Speeding

2. Talking on a mobile/texting while driving

3. Dropping litter

4. Illegally downloading music

5. Cycling on pavements

6. Eating or drinking while driving

7. Having sex in a public place

8. Parking partly on a pavement

9. Taking drugs

10. Not wearing a seatbelt

11. Having sex under the age of 16

12. Parking on double yellow lines

13. Cycling with lights after dark

14. Not cleaning up dog poo

15. Smoking in a public place

16. Driving through a red light

17. Not having a TV license

18. Not informing the DVLA of a change of address/name

19. Taking a child out of school for a holiday without the head's permission

20. Carry an offensive weapon

Well ark me. That is rather a lot of breakage. Funnily enough I am a MOST considerate driver and I don't break lights or the speed limits. I don't know how this happened as I used to drive like a bloody fool in my youth. Perhaps maturing reins in idiocy, that and a sense of mortality.
I have TV license. I don't carry offensive weapons-only my sharp tongue, hur- and I don't park on double yellows (fear of clampers more than worry about law breakage). I don't drop litter, I don't cycle, I'm over 16, I don't down load music or films and I don't own a mobile phone. I don't take 'drugs' I assume they mean the illegal kind. And I don't smoke. I don't eat or drink while driving, and I don't go around taking children out of school. I pick up poo when I walk CG's darling dog-yes, even in the Phoenix bloody Park where the nearest bin is ALWAYS miles away.
In fact, I'm pretty much ferociously law abiding. I wasn't always thus so it's quite amusing to see it.
The paramour- who downloads everything- conflates red lights with speeding up, and he would cycle over a roof top, wearing a sleepmask and downloading football results at the same time if need be and munches mints constantly while driving and yelling at folk who don't hurry through red lights. He, it seem, is much guiltier than me- by a long shot!
Huzzah. I must send this to him immediately. Oh superior Tuesday how are ye? Who knew being stuck in a car listening to Gerry Ryan could offer such ammunition.
How about you? Can you run down the list and HONESTLY say you're not guilty of doing much of things listed?



Anonymous The Bad Ambassador said...

I believe it was Churchill who said "Oh yes!"

Talking on a mobile/texting while driving
I used to, but one day I fell off the motorbike as a result - so I tend not to do it any more.

10:12 a.m.  
Anonymous stipes said...

I'm sorry Ms Cat, but you are the guilty one. Listening to HIM while in charge of a machanically propelled vehicle. Tut

10:25 a.m.  
Anonymous Pinkie said...

I don't drive, I don't litter... the music thing I do do if I can't find what I am looking for in store.
I don't cycle anywhere, it's walking for me. I don't have sex in public, I don't take drugs, I always wear a seatbelt, I'm over 16, my dogs poop in the backgarden before we go walkies, I don't smoke, I don't have a tv, I don't know who the DVLA are, I don't have kids and I don't always carry an offensive weapon. I sometimes have one whilst in work though it is part of my 'costume'.

There! See my halo glimmer.

10:37 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Lawks! We're all pretty decent folk so. But I feel the need to go out and flout some law or other.

Halos all round indeed.
Stipes, it was hellish, but I had no option.

Texting on a motorbike? Darwin award in the waiting I'm sure.

10:42 a.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

No wonder you're getting all Daily Mailish.

Is it illegal to smoke in any public place, or just public places indoors?

11:06 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am fairly law abiding. I wouldn't say no to some extra sexticular activities of the outdoor nature though.

In fairness some of them I didn't even know were illigal like, Not informing the DVLA of a change of address/name or parking partly on the pavement.


11:14 a.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

I have committed 19 of those offences at some point in my life - I haven't taken a child from school just yet, but I might pop over to the primary school beside work at lunchtime just to make it a nice even twenty...

11:20 a.m.  
Blogger jothemama said...

He is indeed a bad lad, are you sure you're not on anything? How did he get to be on the radio with that voice - and on television - with that face!!

I didn't know it was illegal to eat/drink while driving. My five year old was right! How embarrassing!

12:18 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had sex with moi burd, in public, on the bonnet of my car actually, whilst parked on a kerb AND double yellow line.
I threw the condom wrapper on the ground, thus littering.
She had a whip, which could be perceived as an offensive weapon, HIT MAY BAABAAAY UH UH UH
Afterwards we both had a smoke and tossed the butts onto the path.

Does this make us lawbreakers? I say NOT

12:33 p.m.  
Blogger fingal_0_flaherty said...

it is a crime to lsten to gerry (all things to all people) ryan,

still guilty of 15 out of 20, however to have sex in public is ok as long as you do not have sex in front of the public!

12:52 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

I'm innocent of all of them.
Alas, I am old and lame.

Litterbugs are the worst.

1:43 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Aye, gerry would put years on a body and no mistake. Although having said that he's light years better than Joe 'man of the people' Duffy.

Conan, I think so far just indoors. But eventually it will just be illegal to even THINK about smoking anywhere. If Avril Doyle has her way you'll have to buy your fags ON PRESCRIPTION. And wait an see, next budget they will shoot up again. Jaysus, Country Gay will be broke.
( By you, I mean of course the plural generic you, not actually Conan you.)

2:01 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I watched him (only for a minute, I swear) last night on the family tree thingy on RTE, he was at the graveside of an apparent relative who died during the 1916 scuffle, crying like a tool.

Also, not that it is important but is Joe gay?


2:24 p.m.  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

Well there are some things we can repeatedly do (speeding for example, but only when the road is clear), and some we can never ever do again (have sex under the age of 16 - it's almost 26 years since I was able to do that).

However, taking kids out of school at any opportunity I think is a necessity. They learn far more away from the place than in it

2:26 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Too right, and you know Avril Doyle has been exciting wet pinko liberal males for years. Er, that sounds a bit 'off', sorry. But yes, sorry Twenty, all this self-medicating with nicotine is going to have to stop. What about the children? And it's a gateway to ganja.

2:29 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

"Also, not that it is important but is Joe gay?"
He can't be, have you seen how he dresses?

Kim, my eldest sister thinks the exact same thing. She is of the opinion that more and more often schools are just for churning out unthinking autobots.

Conan, you're right! And everyone knows smoking the odd spliff is the gateway to waffling and munchie attacks which in turn lead to headaches and jelly bellies.
Won't someone think of the non smokers!

2:40 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My goodness I hear he is married with children! With that scarf he had on last night you would not have thought that. He is rather camp I think.


3:53 p.m.  
Blogger morgor said...

Hmm, i have been guilty of 15 of them, but only about half of those with any regularity.

4:14 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I suspect that regularity might be key.

4:25 p.m.  
Anonymous problemchildbride said...

I don't do any of them. I am a perfect, shiny citizen! Adore me!

Actually, i'm far more likely to be picking up litter than dropping it. It's a habit I picked up from my grandpa out on walks. He always had a plastic bag in his pocket to collect litter he saw along the way. He even used to knock wind-blown litter out of trees with his stick.

5:36 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Since we've more or less done away with free disposable plastic bags in this country, the whole place is far far leaner in terms of trash. But we're still an untidy nation as far as I can see.
Worst thing is people who lean out of their cars and dump out whole ashtrays, gross.

5:52 p.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

Crikey, there's lots of stuff you guys are not allowed to do.

2.Talking on a mobile/texting while driving. (They are trying to ban it as we speak).

6.Eating or drinking while driving. (Eating, ya what?)

15. Smoking in a public place (Restaurants and bars, yes, but anywhere else is fine.)

17. Not having a TV license. (They abolished them in 1999 because I think too much money was being spent of trying to get it out of people).

8:20 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Hah, LK, we are turning into a Nanny state and no mistake. The TV license burns my hole, it really does. I hardly ever watch the blasted thing and when I do you can be sure it's AINT Irish channels. Bah humbug!

9:36 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. Speeding.. occassionally

2. Talking on a mobile/texting while driving.. a bit yes

3. Dropping litter.. never

4. Illegally downloading music.. nope but i do films

5. Cycling on pavements.. nope

6. Eating or drinking while driving.. yes

7. Having sex in a public place.. no

8. Parking partly on a pavement rarely

9. Taking drugs.. rarely

10. Not wearing a seatbelt.. always wear one

11. Having sex under the age of 16.. nope

12. Parking on double yellow lines.. on a sunday or going to a match or something if not obstructing

13. Cycling with lights after dark. no

14. Not cleaning up dog poo.. dont have a dog :-(

15. Smoking in a public place.. ? I do but i dont break the law

16. Driving through a red light. never

17. Not having a TV license.. i have one

18. Not informing the DVLA of a change of address/name.. nope

19. Taking a child out of school for a holiday without the head's permission.. no kids

20. Carry an offensive weapon. nope


10:57 p.m.  
Blogger Manuel said...

I cycle on the pavement all the time.....Have you seen car drivers? Mentalists.....I'd rather take my chances with the baby buggies and slow walkers......

11:36 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Erm, excuse me, I have a question that is completely off topic. Did anybody watch the programme on RTE a couple of weeks ago about the Chernobyl Children and the work Adi Roche and other volunteers do in Belarus? Do you think what Ms Roche does is of benefit?

Thank you…..and please tell me to fark off if you like.


9:12 a.m.  
Anonymous stipes said...

Did'nt see the programme, but you can fark off anyway.

9:23 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Nonny, check out GUBU, Sarah's Carey's blog, she did an interesting piece on it.

Right, my non halo wearing chums, breakfast.

9:30 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I did Mrs Cat, that why I asked, I commented yesterday. Whilst I have intention of gettin into a row with her or commenting again, I was disgusted by her post. I just wantd to know what you people (the most diverse group of people I know) thought of the work Ms Roche did. Do you think it is good or bad?



9:41 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Should be NO intention


9:43 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I think if she can draw attention to their plight (Roche,not Carey) why shouldn't she? I'm sure she's done a lot of good and her heart is in the right place so why not?

11:40 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think so too.

Cheers for the reply.


12:00 p.m.  

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