Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Cats and Dogs, Men and Woman.


Being a woman and a feminist ( ow, paws on mouth, she said what now?) it is assumed I like cats. Actually being a cat owner it is assumed I like cats, (I do). But did you know a person can like cats AND dogs!! I know, it's CLEARLY a fiercesome lie.
Oh yes I do. It's a right strange one is it not. Some feminists actually like cats and dogs, and think that liking both is rather easy and not a terrible chore, and they can even cheerfully recognise that cats and dogs have subtle and unsubtle differences. Raised right, cats and dogs often get along really really well with each other. No I SWEAR, it's totally true!
But first, let me roll out some cliches for you.
Cats- aloof, unfriendly, only in it for the food, aloof, they'd eat you if you died, aloof.
Dogs- loyal, friendly, don't care if you feed them or not, friendly, won't eat you if you die, friendly.
Got that? Dogs, friendly, loyal (and men like them).
Cats, aloof, will eat you the moment your dead back is turned, (women like them).
Now I know readers to MY blog are too smart to fall for this blatant fuckwittery, but over the rest of the blogosphere the peoples, well dey be less than enlightened.
Do we really need to attribute human personalities and quirks and sexist overtones to the animal world in order to disparage each other. Can't a dog be aloof and a bit of a bollocks? What the hell does the Dog Whisperer do all the time if not try to unbollox dogs who are vicious and mean and actually 'misunderstood.' Are all dogs affable fools who'll just love you if you just feed them and rub their bellies and let them play with balls every so often. Er, no. So are all men affable fools who....well you see where I"m going with this.
I can't remember ever being chased by a pack of territorial cats.
Are cats aloof? They can be, they're small animals so need to be on the look out for trouble. Are ALL cats aloof? Nope. Are they really plotting your demise while shedding hair all over the couch you worked so fucking hard to pay for? Will they be out on the tiles the moment you're back is turned? Maybe. So will all women eat you the moment you turn your back? Er, nope.
Know why?
Because we're not fucking cats and dogs, and cats and dogs are not folk.
We are all individuals! YES! WE ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS. (He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.)
Anyone who wants to take the time to read between the lines on this one should open a Twix first.
In the mean time I'm off to gym where I will arch my back pleasingly and scratch some one's eyes out if they so much as wag their tail at me. Cause oh yeah, that's what mean aloof cats do to affable loyal kind hearted dogs.

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39 Comments:

Blogger morgor said...

I prefer cats so I must be some sort of limp-wrested fag-lover.

Obviously.

11:32 a.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

I'm not really an animal lover at all, so that would make me an asexual freak? Does that make you an hermaphrodite then FMC?

11:42 a.m.  
Anonymous Fiona said...

Hurray! I like cats AND dogs, and have met doggy cats and catty dogs and girlie boys and boysy girls and am now living with an occasionally catty but often doggy dog. There's a cat/dog/girl/boy/mouse in all of us really.

11:44 a.m.  
Anonymous Babs said...

I like both, hmm, does that make me bisexual?
My cat and dog sleep in the same bed every night, the dog in a C shape and the cat curled up in it, like they are spooning, only their immense size difference sort of make that impossible, they are both girls, I suppose they must be lesbians then!?

11:48 a.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Hmm, so where does bitch-slapping come into all this?

Me mostly likey cats. Me also likey hounds, if not as much as cats [on account of the biting incident]. The cats and dogs hereabouts (six at the last count) get on and gang up on the rats.

The rats may be male or female.

11:59 a.m.  
Blogger morgor said...

I think rats would generally be stereotyped as male.

Mice as female.

12:42 p.m.  
Blogger daisy mae said...

have both, love both.

12:57 p.m.  
Blogger morgor said...

you have mice and rats? unusual.

1:00 p.m.  
Blogger daisy mae said...

ermmm... make that 2 cats, 1 dog. if i do have mice and rats, they've been eaten by the little orange cat - she's the vicious one. yawns with her eyes open and everything.

1:12 p.m.  
Blogger Karen's Mouth said...

Hello and hmmmm. I am a feminist with two cats who *behave* like dogs. Which is fine because I like dogs. So, hurrah! I think. Point proved. Maybe.

1:54 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Well!* rolls up sleeves* Who says cats behaving like dogs ARE behaving like dogs at all! Perhaps cats acting like dogs are actually acting like cats and we shouldn't tar all cat behaviour with the one brush! Who says dogs get the monoply on dog behaviour. My cat can act like a dog and demand it is cat behaviour all she likes because if SHE does it IS cat behavious. See?

* goes off to lie down*

( sheepie, you're just confused)

2:11 p.m.  
Anonymous Penny Century said...

I am a feminist cat owner who also adores dogs, and would have a pet dog if my cat wasn't a territorial psychopath who goes ballistic every time a dog so much as walks past the front garden. And my husband likes both cats and dogs too. Does that make us swingers?

2:25 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I bet you hold key parties.

2:28 p.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

Indeed I am, FMC. Indeed I am...

2:53 p.m.  
Anonymous ahaley74 said...

All I want to know is where pidgeons fit into the mix. No two cats OR dogs in the world will let you stuff them in bags and tape them to your legs, no sir!

2:56 p.m.  
Blogger The Hangar Queen said...

Must have been Homoing Pigeons.

Ok..so I had my Twix and still feel like commenting.

For the record I did not stop loving dogs and start loving cats.So there.

3:04 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

I love the felines but I'm allergic. Is that comparable to those wacky jeebus freaks who shame folks into praying the gay away?

3:52 p.m.  
Anonymous Fat Mammy Cat said...

Huzzah!

The Paramour will be giving it to me doggie style tonight.

4:18 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Monkey's are smelly, nah nah ni nah na.

I hear pigeons like a bit of bark now and then.

4:33 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

So many farking apostrophies, so little space to put 'em all. This year's a total bust already.

5:11 p.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

My ex boyfriend used to have a cat that would go the dogs. I remember hauling the hissing, attacking, scratching cat off the visiting (terrified) border collie screaming at the cat, 'YOU'RE A CAT, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF DOGS!'

9:38 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Hah, attack, the best form of defense!
Puddy is disgusting around dogs, the old tart, she loves them and would cheerfully wash and clean any dog that might let her.

9:41 p.m.  
Blogger Manuel said...

I am considering a Jack Russell at the moment......does that make me a Frasier fan......that wouldn't be cool......oh not at all.....

1:32 a.m.  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

I prefer cats, but I'm allergic to them

10:21 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

That makes you anti rat Manuel. What have rats ever done to you?

Kim, a lot of folk seem to be, must be that fine hair and the fact that it goes everywhere.

10:40 a.m.  
Blogger Kirstie said...

I have observed that it's often a lack of imagination which limits people to the liking or one or another. Obviously I am a virtual Walter Mitty so I like both.

And as I was reading this post, there was a similar dialogue in Generation Kill, the serendipity of which startled me so much I dropped my laptop. Oops.

10:11 p.m.  
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Anonymous Williamsoqtw said...

I prefer cats so I must be some sort of limp-wrested fag-lover. Obviously.

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