Wednesday, March 08, 2006

I stand accused...


of being a 'sleepspoofer'? Apparently I am the world's greatest liar about being awake.
This, I feel, is a bit harsh. It is true that I do not like getting up in the morning. I'm fine once I'm up and clutching my coffee, and it is true that I'm not naturally a springer out of bed... but a sleepspoofer?
Demanding clarification I was informed that I, Fatmammycat, say things like 'I"m awwwaaakkkeee' and 'Commmingggg!' and 'I"m uuupppp!' in a variety of jolly voices when in fact I am no such thing. It is claimed that sometimes I sit on the side of the bed when watched, only to collapse sideway and roll back under the duvet the moment the watcher's back is turned. Cats were accused of adding and abetting this behaviour, by somehow trapping me inside the duvet. I was informed I don't sleep, I slip into a coma and that I try my damndest to remain in said coma no matter what the hour.
I am shocked.
And yet...this morning I got up and dressed and was seated at my desk staring at my computer. The screen was dark grey and appeared in jigsaw pieces. I cursed, thinking some virus had attacked my system over night. It was only when a blue whale on the screen called John started to clear the pieces away with his tail that I realised I was still asleep.
Sleepspoofer, no, awakespoofer might be more apt.

30 Comments:

Blogger Gorilla Bananas said...

I believe this is quite common: you are guilty about being asleep so you dream you are awake. You'd stop doing it if you had a pet lion rather than a pet cat. Dreaming you are awake when a lion is prowling about is something your brain will not permit.

10:00 a.m.  
Blogger the anti-barney said...

Maybe Fmc.,but why post a picture of Mary Harney?

12:11 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Good morning GB. I believe you, a lion lolling about on the bed would worry me some.
Oh Barney, poor old Marney, she comes in for a lot of flack does she not, the great behemoth.
I am having an excellent morning chaps, dreams aside, I just blew 95 quid on a pair of Levis, guilt free because the old Paramour-being a man of principle and good arms- did not welsh on his bet and did indeed part with the 100 Euro he lost on his bet. They were not crips twenties however, but two fifties. I was magnanimous none the less. And that still leaves me with a fiver to buy a drink when I am watching the footie tonight. Huzzah!

12:39 p.m.  
Blogger Dr Maroon said...

Do they have a, choke, button fly?
Ignore that. I don't get out enough.
Up the Arsenal!

8:05 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

It is half time, fucking Reyes hit the post. Hleb, great dribbler, but Jesus man, stop giving the ball away! Roberto Carlos, you fat basssstttiiiddd.... I am a most of a bottle of bottle of wine to the good!!! Second half about to start...

8:45 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Leeemmmmaaahhhhnnnnnnnnnn!!!! What a save! What a save, best nil-nil game I ever saw, passion, commitment, drive tired legs, heart. Cuuuummmmooonnn!
Ciao, off out now for more booze.
Ciao ciao. xxxxxx

9:41 p.m.  
Blogger Desargues said...

I presume they're Levi's Premium, aren't they, FMC? Atta girl! I like people who know their jeans. Now, these aren't bad either:

http://www.diesel.com/denimguide/ss06/

Have a look at the Ronhar cut. The name is bizarre (some moron at Diesel's thought this may be the new hip), but they're seecsaay.

Or you can have the paramour lose couple more bets like that and get yourself a pair of Roberto Cavallis. About a dozen bets, to be precise.

5:52 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I love Diesel and own quite a few pairs, the age superbly, these new Levis are..hold on...752 boot cut. Softest denim I have ever rubbed by cheek against. I think old Paramour might have cottened on to the 'Want to bet on it?' line by now. Damn it.

8:22 a.m.  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

95 Euros/£60 on a pair of jeans?

Can't imagine it. My wife managed to find me a pair at M&S the other day for ony £9. Bargain of the day.

Mind you I've never been accused of being a fashion leader.

"Middle-aged practical" - is that a style?

8:26 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Jesus, I better not mention how much I spent on a pair Of Paul Costello trousers in Decmber so.
But seriously, it depends on what you're after. Don't get me wrong Kim, I am just as liable to poodle about in H&M jeans too. But I do like these and it wasn't really my money, so as I said, guilt free shopping.
I don't mind spending a decent amount of money on something I am going to wear until it falls off me. What I hate is to buy something, wear it once or twice and then never wear it again, that is pointless and I don't really do it. I like good footwear and good well cut trousers or Jeans.
I have a pair of Levis in my wardrobe that I paid 70 POUNDS for six years ago, a fortune at the time. But I still wear them, so was it money well spent, you betcha.

8:49 a.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

Silly, FMC, you could have bought 6 pairs of M&S jeans and had enough left for a three pack of nylon briefs.

11:16 a.m.  
Blogger Dr Maroon said...

How would you know? Crusty.

12:21 p.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

Because Kim Ayres said one pair of jeans costs £9. So 6x£9 = £54 leaving FMC a whole £6.

Now, if a pair of jeans costs £9 it's surely not beyond the realms of possibility that a 3 pack of nylon briefs could be purchased with that £6.

I'm surprised you needed me to work that out for you, Doc, but if there are any other mathematical/clothing problems you need help with you be sure to ask now..

12:30 p.m.  
Blogger Foot Eater said...

GAP jeans are the bollocks. They're stylish, comfortable and they say 'I'm too knowing and cool to wear Diesel'.

12:54 p.m.  
Blogger Dr Maroon said...

hark at her!

12:55 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I'm thinking I might need new boots to go with these jeans...
Oh, somewhere about half a mile a way a sales person just shivered.

1:00 p.m.  
Blogger Foot Eater said...

Sorry, misspelled 'cool' there. I meant 'broke'.

1:08 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

And yet you can afford to drink a litre of Nescafe Gold Blend in a single sitting... You are not from Cavan are you, they're always complaining about being poor too.

1:23 p.m.  
Blogger Foot Eater said...

I spend so much money on coffee I don't have much left for jeans.

1:52 p.m.  
Blogger No Hassle Loans said...

Hey very nice work here. Although it�s not what I was looking for. I am looking for info on Payday Loans or a Cash Advance. Very interesting site

6:10 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You can certainly see your skills in the work you write.
The sector hopes for even more passionate writers such as
you who are not afraid to say how they believe. Always follow your heart.
Also see my page: i want lots of money

11:10 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is really interesting, You're a very skilled blogger. I've
joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more of your great post.

Also, I have shared your web site in my social networks!
My web-site : best forex software trading

6:43 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wonderful blog! I found it while browsing on Yahoo News. Do you
have any tips on how to get listed in Yahoo News?
I've been trying for a while but I never seem to get there! Thanks
Also visit my website :: fx trading signals

12:43 p.m.  
Blogger oakleyses said...

kate spade outlet online, polo ralph lauren, burberry outlet online, ray ban sunglasses, ugg boots clearance, christian louboutin shoes, ray ban sunglasses, chanel handbags, michael kors outlet store, louis vuitton handbags, louis vuitton outlet, christian louboutin, louis vuitton outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, michael kors handbags, longchamp handbags, ray ban outlet, prada outlet, michael kors outlet online, nike free, jordan shoes, cheap ugg boots, prada handbags, nike air max, oakley sunglasses, burberry outlet online, louis vuitton outlet online, tiffany jewelry, louis vuitton, michael kors outlet online, ugg outlet, nike outlet, cheap oakley sunglasses, longchamp outlet online, replica watches, nike air max, oakley sunglasses, gucci handbags, red bottom shoes, michael kors outlet online sale, ugg australia, cheap ugg boots outlet, longchamp outlet, tiffany and co, michael kors outlet, oakley vault, tory burch outlet online

1:48 a.m.  
Blogger oakleyses said...

guess pas cher, abercrombie and fitch, michael kors outlet online, coach outlet store online, new balance pas cher, true religion outlet, ray ban uk, nike air max, nike air max, hollister uk, louboutin, vans pas cher, hollister, ralph lauren uk, longchamp, ray ban pas cher, mulberry uk, nike roshe, nike roshe run, air jordan, true religion outlet, air max, nike free pas cher, oakley pas cher, north face pas cher, north face, scarpe hogan, tn pas cher, nike free, hermes pas cher, true religion, michael kors uk, lacoste pas cher, lululemon outlet online, kate spade outlet, longchamp pas cher, ralph lauren pas cher, timberland pas cher, true religion jeans, coach outlet, replica handbags, converse pas cher, michael kors, burberry pas cher, sac vanessa bruno, air max pas cher, nike air force, coach purses, michael kors canada, nike blazer pas cher

1:51 a.m.  
Blogger oakleyses said...

mcm handbags, babyliss, nike air max, wedding dresses, iphone 6s plus cases, longchamp, oakley, iphone 5s cases, abercrombie and fitch, ferragamo shoes, beats headphones, mont blanc pens, iphone 6s cases, mac cosmetics, s6 cases, ipad cases, instyler ionic styler, new balance outlet, p90x workout, louboutin, nfl jerseys, asics shoes, jimmy choo shoes, nike air huarache, hollister clothing store, bottega veneta, nike trainers, valentino shoes, ghd, iphone 6 plus cases, reebok shoes, iphone cases, insanity workout, chi flat iron, birkin bag, soccer jerseys, north face jackets, timberland boots, hollister, vans outlet, iphone 6 cases, ralph lauren, soccer shoes, herve leger, lululemon outlet, nike roshe, baseball bats, celine handbags, giuseppe zanotti, north face jackets

2:07 a.m.  
Blogger oakleyses said...

hollister canada, ugg boots, ugg, karen millen, barbour, moncler outlet, swarovski uk, coach outlet, montre femme, louis vuitton pas cher, doke gabbana outlet, marc jacobs handbags, moncler, canada goose outlet, pandora uk, vans, supra shoes, pandora jewelry, canada goose outlet, gucci, air max, barbour jackets, pandora jewelry, swarovski jewelry, moncler, thomas sabo uk, moncler, ugg soldes, converse shoes, ray ban, wedding dress, ugg, uggs canada, replica watches, converse, louis vuitton uk, moncler, juicy couture, louis vuitton, canada goose, canada goose, canada goose, canada goose pas cher, moncler outlet, pandora charms, sac louis vuitton, canada goose, juicy couture outlet, links of london uk, toms outlet, moncler, moncler, louis vuitton canada

2:09 a.m.  
Blogger Richika Sarkar said...

It is nice post
Visit Links:
Packers and Movers Mumbai
Packers and Movers Andheri
Packers and Movers Airoli
Packers and Movers Borivali
Packers and Movers Bandra
Packers and Movers Kalyan
Packers and Movers Kharghar
Packers and Movers Kandivali
Packers and Movers Thane

6:58 a.m.  
Blogger Akshay Sawant said...

Thanks for this post.
Visit Links:
oyecity.com
Beauty Care Shops In Pune
Books Shops In Pune
Self Help Group Shops In Pune
Electronics Shops In Pune
Gifts & Youth Special Shops In Pune
Hardware And Sanitory Shops In Pune
Home Decor Shops In Pune
Jewellery Shops In Pune
Kids & Baby Products Shops In Pune
Kitchen Shops In Pune
Men's Fashion Shops In Pune
Sports Shops In Pune
Sweets & Cakes Shops In Pune
Tools Shops In Pune
Toys Shops In Pune
Women's Fashion Shops In Pune



oye city
Oyecity Blog

6:53 a.m.  
Blogger raybanoutlet001 said...

michael kors outlet
air jordan
cheap uggs
cheap air jordan
tiffany and co
adidas tubular x
nike huaraches
michael kors outlet
kobe shoes
nike air huarache
coach outlet online
fitflops sale
yeezy boost 350
adidas tubular
michael kors outlet
tiffany jewellery
oakley sunglasses,oakley outlet sunglasses
tiffany and co outlet
nike zoom
tiffany and co outlet
michael kors outlet online
cheap oakley sunglasses
tiffany jewelry
Cheap Jordans For Sale

6:32 a.m.  

Post a Comment

<< Home