I stand accused...
of being a 'sleepspoofer'? Apparently I am the world's greatest liar about being awake.
This, I feel, is a bit harsh. It is true that I do not like getting up in the morning. I'm fine once I'm up and clutching my coffee, and it is true that I'm not naturally a springer out of bed... but a sleepspoofer?
Demanding clarification I was informed that I, Fatmammycat, say things like 'I"m awwwaaakkkeee' and 'Commmingggg!' and 'I"m uuupppp!' in a variety of jolly voices when in fact I am no such thing. It is claimed that sometimes I sit on the side of the bed when watched, only to collapse sideway and roll back under the duvet the moment the watcher's back is turned. Cats were accused of adding and abetting this behaviour, by somehow trapping me inside the duvet. I was informed I don't sleep, I slip into a coma and that I try my damndest to remain in said coma no matter what the hour.
I am shocked.
And yet...this morning I got up and dressed and was seated at my desk staring at my computer. The screen was dark grey and appeared in jigsaw pieces. I cursed, thinking some virus had attacked my system over night. It was only when a blue whale on the screen called John started to clear the pieces away with his tail that I realised I was still asleep.
Sleepspoofer, no, awakespoofer might be more apt.