Saturday, June 17, 2006

How to create the perfect hangover.


Ah Saturday, the roar of traffic in the distance, the absolute necessity of leaving the house to get shopping.
But first, dear friends, allow me to impart-with much trembling fingers- the knowledge, nay, the source, the well from which all pain stems from. Friends, readers, Barry from Dublin, I present to you the receipe to create....the mother of all hangovers.(MOH)
First, take one Martini Rosso, add ice. Drink.
Scoff slowly one prawn and crab salad
Mix liberally three glasses of Vino Sol
sprinkle with lamb chops and slightly greasy chips.
Dampen down with another glass of Vino Sol, leave ten minutes for maximim effect.
follow that with a Baileys in coffee, this should be rich enough to repeat on you the next day.
cleanse palate with two, not one, two, shots of apple liquor. Tell youself nothing that sweet is really alcoholic, it is imperative you do this. Repeat as necessary.
Take short taxi ride, make sure driver goes fast around the corners, nothing mixes ingredients better.
Arrive at funky bar, most be loud and choca block with people to heat ingredients.
Have Martini
deem it more reasonable to switch to Mojitos...oh here are some people, blah blah, add mojito two and three to the mix. Mmmmtoothpasty.
Leave bar, golly, late, what should a cat do? This is where the fragile among you should take heart, do not be afraid of the next step, I know it seems scary, but it is not, for the sake of the receipe you must say... 'I know, let's go to club!'
Go to club, dance about to Moloko, jiggle jiggle, whoooo, now you're mixing it, have two gin and tonics.
Leave club, walk home. splish splosh.
Boounce around bedroom with paramour, bounce bounce. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Fall asleep!
And voila! Here it is folks, writ large, in all it's malignant glory, I present to you, the mother of all hangovers.(MOH)
Please allow for odd tastes and quirks, you can, naturally, substitute some of the ingredients as you see fit,( example, the paramour had rum in his coffee) it's quantity that counts darlings, quantity.

13 Comments:

Blogger Dr Maroon said...

When you say bounce around the bedroom, do you mean yours or his? and isn't the sitting room a better place for dancing anyway?

1:10 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Sure Docky, sure, dancing.

5:28 p.m.  
Anonymous Bonnie said...

May we have Part II of this recipe, please? Part II, of course, is the remedy for the MOH. Let us know what did the trick and cleared up the fog in your head. And if it was the hair of the dog, please state WHICH dog because for god's sake, you had a few to choose from! (that sounds snarky, but I'm actually impressed with your stamina and cast-iron stomach!)

6:48 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Oh Bonnie, a MOH of this magnitude can only be toppled by a bacon sanwich sprinkled with white pepper and-this in very important- HP Sauce, not ketchup, add hot hot tea, two Neurofen, three litres of water, a day lying about groaning and making little or no eye contact.
On the plus side I feel dandy now and am considering whether or not to go to a bar to watch Italy play USA. I figure I might just get into my jammies and watch it here though, the old paramour still looks a bit green about the gills. Snarf.

7:19 p.m.  
Blogger KnackeredKaz said...

You're UP and TYPING after drinking all that?! Fair play to you, maybe there's something to be said for all that gym and fitness lark after all? (While we're on that subject, what exactly IS a gym?)

I was out last night meeting some of the lovely folk from the Dublin Community Blog. They were sensible and had beer. I had martinis. Lots of them. Pineapple and Kiwi and Lime...and....and...yes, well, as I said, they were sensible.

It's 7.20pm and I'm only recovering my sight now after the temporary blindness of this morning!

7:24 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Poo old Kaz, aren't all those sugary delicious yummy coctails the absolute worst? Trust me, get your mammy to make the sambo of healing.

7:31 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Especially those Bacardi Breezers, the watermelon one, mmmmmmmmelon. Very dangerous stuff altogether.

7:32 p.m.  
Blogger Anna said...

You give great advice!

I've added you to my blogroll, hope that's ok!

12:20 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:10 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Of course Anna and welcome!

1:11 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

I had about 300 beers yesterday, followed up by many, many vodka & tonics. The result: not so much the mother of all hangovers, but definitely a close relative. Perhaps the spinster aunt of all hangovers.

I think I've had a stroke. I will know better tomorrow.

9:05 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I hear ya honey. Everyone seems to have been on the batter this weekend, Mizz kaz is barely recovered, Doccy is mixing lager with vodka, and I'm, well, I'm lying in a puddle of slurm watching France V Korea(one all), drinking room temperature cola.
Buncha sots.

9:55 p.m.  
Blogger Foot Eater said...

Get away with you all! Anyone would think Lent was over. I'm not falling for that one, though.

10:15 p.m.  

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