How to create the perfect hangover.
Ah Saturday, the roar of traffic in the distance, the absolute necessity of leaving the house to get shopping.
But first, dear friends, allow me to impart-with much trembling fingers- the knowledge, nay, the source, the well from which all pain stems from. Friends, readers, Barry from Dublin, I present to you the receipe to create....the mother of all hangovers.(MOH)
First, take one Martini Rosso, add ice. Drink.
Scoff slowly one prawn and crab salad
Mix liberally three glasses of Vino Sol
sprinkle with lamb chops and slightly greasy chips.
Dampen down with another glass of Vino Sol, leave ten minutes for maximim effect.
follow that with a Baileys in coffee, this should be rich enough to repeat on you the next day.
cleanse palate with two, not one, two, shots of apple liquor. Tell youself nothing that sweet is really alcoholic, it is imperative you do this. Repeat as necessary.
Take short taxi ride, make sure driver goes fast around the corners, nothing mixes ingredients better.
Arrive at funky bar, most be loud and choca block with people to heat ingredients.
deem it more reasonable to switch to Mojitos...oh here are some people, blah blah, add mojito two and three to the mix. Mmmmtoothpasty.
Leave bar, golly, late, what should a cat do? This is where the fragile among you should take heart, do not be afraid of the next step, I know it seems scary, but it is not, for the sake of the receipe you must say... 'I know, let's go to club!'
Go to club, dance about to Moloko, jiggle jiggle, whoooo, now you're mixing it, have two gin and tonics.
Leave club, walk home. splish splosh.
Boounce around bedroom with paramour, bounce bounce. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
And voila! Here it is folks, writ large, in all it's malignant glory, I present to you, the mother of all hangovers.(MOH)
Please allow for odd tastes and quirks, you can, naturally, substitute some of the ingredients as you see fit,( example, the paramour had rum in his coffee) it's quantity that counts darlings, quantity.