Many many hours of wishing Kate Bosworth would eat a sandwich later, we fled the cinema, swiftly downed two beers and a martini and considered what we might like to eat.
And this folks is where the evening slithered into the weekend.
'I fancy something noodley and nice.'
'I fancy sea food.'
'I know, let's go to **********!'
'Avast, a splendid idea.'
First of all, waiters who claim their sea food platters to be velly gud are bare faced liars and probably eat their own young.
The platter when it arrived, was hu-ge. But some of the prawns were probably old enough to legally drive and the vast squid which quivered and flibbered in squid like fashion was so bouncy I needed a steak knife to cut it. Not velly gud at all.
'I can't eat any more of this.' The paramour said, rather helplessly, as he struggled in vain to get a prawn's shell off.
I looked at the enormous mound of untouched food. 'I wouldn't worry love, it won't go to waste, I'd imagine someone next Tuesday might get to try this lot again.'
'This isn't hake either. he said prodding a lump of something grey with the tip of his knife. 'I'm not even sure it's fish.'
We moved the food about like kids hoping it would look like we had at least tried. But to no avail. Defeated we resorted to drinking wine.
'Let's go somewhere and get a proper drink.' The paramour suggested.
'Excellent idea. Just let me run home and change first.'
'I'm not wearing proper drink attire.'
So I ran home, left a garbled message on Andraste's site, changed my clothes into much better drinking apparel, checked that Puddy was still breathing and raced off out into the night. EEEEEeeeeeee!
Hello darkness my old friend.
Bar 1- small, select, free flowing 7 year old rum. Blah blah blah, say, I don't know you do I? No? How strange that we are chatting about John Constantine and the Hellblazer strips. Yeds (intentional spelling) I ammm vell velly cool to know about such things. Your own website, well I never. You have badges too? Of course I'll wear one my newest and bestest friend. Give me more I'll give them to people in the industry. Blah Blah, M Night Shymalan, oh dear, well Hitchcock graced the screen, he certainly didn't award himself a pivotal role? Hum Darling? 'nother one? Don't mind if I do, tell Rosa a slice of lime, that's some necklace she's wearing, eeeee, French gay, look here this is...what's your name again? He has a website for photography, look darling badges. Oh right, well this here is French Gay. He's at the bar darling, oh darling that awful restaurant*********. So anyway, oh really you always carry a camera? Even in the bath? Oh snarf snarf. Yes, I'd love to have a look, oh here's my drink...'
Bar-2. 'Er? How come so quiet tonight dearie?'
'I don't know?' Gloomy owners says.
Paramour buys bottle of cava. We drink it, and flee.
Nightclub. 'last night a DJ saved my life! last night a DJ saved my life, coz I was sitting there bored to death and then in one breath he said gotta get down gota get dowm gotta get down girl.....'Weeeeeeeeee. Hey, Tara vot are you doink here? He's at the bar. Why yes I'd love one...... Who? Yes but where's the house? Sure, sounds like fun.'
House of friend of a friend. 'Vodka and Orange? No Rum? Never mind, Vodka and Orange will be dandy. No No, that's fine. Oh, it that Moloko? I love Moloko, oh no darling I met him before, he's from Argentina....really? When did that happen? Poor guy, tsk, hic.'
Finally, 'You know paramour.' I said as we waited for the elevator to arrive at 7:20 this morning. 'Superman was really not velly gud either.'
'Hic.' He said.