Friday, January 12, 2007

Fights with my mother, part...

Oh who am I kidding, I don't know which part this is. Is gazillion a real word?
So the panoply of lilac has flounced out on a whoosh of eau de outrage.
We had dispensed with the small talk pretty quickly- weather -windy, house- not ready, Newstalk- patchy and so on, when the Lilac One fixed a beady eye on me and said-
'How do you find Etheline these days?'
'By phone normally.' I say before I can stop myself.
She gives me a look that suggests I couldn't fall out of a boat and hit water.
Thus the battle commences.
'Did she say any more to you about the wedding?'
'I tried to talk to her yesterday about it and she was being very vague.'
'I told her she'd want to be thinking about booking a church if she's planning it this year.And a hotel, some of these places are booked up years in advance you know.'
But I have made a tactical error. I only use monosyllabic answers when I know something and the Lilac One knows this.
She cocks her head and pretends to read the spines of the books on the shelves next to her head. 'I know Kevin's keen, he told me so at Christmas. He's a good man, Kevin.'
'Oh now, I know you don't like.'
'Fortunately I'm not marrying him.'
'You don't like anyone.'
'I like plenty of people.'
She stops pretending to read and glares at me. 'I hope you didn't say anything to your sister to make her change her mind about getting married.'
'Like what?'
'Because time and tide waits for no man.'
I wrinkle my forehead at her. 'Time and tide waits for no man?'
'Oh,' she says throwing her hands up. 'it would be just like you to say something. No doubt sneering at him the way you do me, behind my back.'
Your very broad back provides excellent cover, I think to myself.
'I don't sneer at him, I don't anything him.'
'He's a good man!'
'So you keep saying!'
I take a deep breath. 'Look, I don't run Etheline, Etheline runs Etheline and if she doesn't want to get married-
'OOH, are you saying she doesn't?'
'No, I'm saying whatever Etheline wants to do if up to Etheline. And no amount of bullying her to provide a fucking fairy tale 'day out' (and to my horror and deep resentment I actually used my hands to make imaginary air quotes) will make her think differently.'
My mother does her excellent impersonation of a pufferfish face. I watch the levels of temper develop in her skin tone. Pink, deeper pink, salmon, cerise, red, maroon-
'I knew it!' She squawks, 'I knew something was up.'
'For God's sake nothing is up!' I cry, for Etheline will surely kill me for setting this dog loose.
But my mother won't be stopped. She gathers herself and her bag and hoists herself to her feet.
'Where are you going?' I say to her.
'Home. And you listen to me Missy!' She waggles a finger at me and I resist the urge to snap it off and ram it up her nose. 'I don't know what you and that other one think you're up to (I don't actually know who she is referring to here, it could be my brother, my older sister, the paramour, Etheline, the woman in the corner shop)but Etheline has been very happy with Kevin before someone started putting notions in her head.'
'What the hell are you talking about?' I stand too, I"m taller than her and it makes me feel better. 'What notions?'
'Harumph!' She says 'There is always something with you.'
And this is where we came in, and she went out.
So there you have it. There is always something with me.
Who knew?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

At least she's not a passive agressive sigher like my Mammy. Or most Irish Mammies, for that matter.

Noice air quotes, boy the way.

2:41 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I wish she was a sigher, sighing I could ignore. I'm mortified about the air quotes. See what she drives me to?

2:45 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'By phone normally.'

oh cat if you were any sharper, you'd... well, you know.

you know you'll grow up to be just like her, right??

3:38 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

[hee hee hee. fatty made a funny.]

3:38 p.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Do you think the lilac is giving her special powers like Samson and his hair or something? I have noticed wearers of lilac have this peculiar ability unto themselves to burrow deep within the souls of others and flail around in a barbed, lilac way causing untold suffering too deep and complex to explain.

Maybe if she was forcibly made to relinquish all violet she'd be a pussycat.

4:47 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Yeah yeah I know, I'd cut myself. God help me I know every stupid fucking saying that ever existed in my mother's head at this point.
Sam, you may have discovered something, if you can find the gene that makes older heavier women aim for an off purple garments you might be up fro a Nobel Prize.
ARRHRHRHRHHRHRHRGGGGGH, this day! She fucking drags so.

5:15 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello there! This is my first comment here so I
just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I truly enjoy reading your blog posts.
Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums
that deal with the same topics? Thanks for your time!

Here is my weblog -

2:17 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This site was... how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something that helped me.

Visit my website http://chatclimax. com/free-videochat/Tahiti_Tdoll

9:50 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an extremely long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn't appear. Grrrr... well I'm not writing all that over again.
Regardless, just wanted to say excellent blog!

Visit my weblog :: Website

9:51 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you want to obtain much from this post then you have to apply
these methods to your won website.

my web blog shaun's Homepage

5:34 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have learn some just right stuff here. Certainly worth bookmarking for revisiting.
I wonder how a lot effort you place to create one of these great informative site.

Feel free to surf to my webpage visit website

8:41 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You've made some good points there. I checked on the net for more information about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this web site.

My web-site :: HotDeal - Güncel ve Tarafsız Haberler

5:38 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am really grateful to the owner of this website who has
shared this enormous article at at this place.

Feel free to surf to my webpage -

12:36 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

At this time I am going to do my breakfast, after having
my breakfast coming yet again to read more news.

Look into my web-site :: kara live free

9:59 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heya fantastic website! Does running a blog similar to this take a massive amount work?

I have no expertise in computer programming however I was hoping to start
my own blog soon. Anyways, should you have any suggestions or techniques for new
blog owners please share. I understand this is off topic but I just had to ask.


My web-site Sex Latina Photos

3:03 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Howdy, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one
and i was just curious if you get a lot of spam feedback?
If so how do you stop it, any plugin or anything you
can recommend? I get so much lately it's driving me mad so any support is very much appreciated.

Take a look at my weblog ... visit

7:22 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's an amazing post for all the internet viewers; they will obtain benefit from it I am sure.

Also visit my weblog:

8:50 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

At this time it sounds like Wordpress is the preferred blogging platform
available right now. (from what I've read) Is that what you're using on your blog?

Here is my weblog ... Email console

10:05 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you are going for finest contents like me, only pay a visit this web site
all the time as it gives feature contents, thanks

Also visit my web site: he has a good point

10:48 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's not my first time to visit this web site, i am browsing this website dailly and take pleasant data from here every day.

Feel free to visit my page http: //

8:48 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I’m not that much of a internet reader to be honest but your sites really nice, keep it up!
I'll go ahead and bookmark your website to come back in the future. Cheers

my web blog :: Web Site

10:05 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Superb blog! Do you have any suggestions for aspiring writers?
I'm hoping to start my own site soon but I'm a little lost
on everything. Would you recommend starting with a free platform like Wordpress
or go for a paid option? There are so many choices out there that I'm totally overwhelmed .. Any tips? Appreciate it!

Also visit my blog post ::

3:36 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Undeniably believe that which you said. Your favorite reason seemed to be on the
internet the easiest thing to be aware of. I say to you,
I definitely get irked while people consider worries that they plainly
do not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the
whole thing without having side-effects , people could take a signal.
Will probably be back to get more. Thanks

Take a look at my blog post ::

10:59 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You really make it appear really easy together with your presentation but I in finding this matter to be
really something which I think I might by no means understand.
It seems too complex and very wide for me.
I'm looking forward on your next put up, I'll try to get the dangle of it!

My website - like Mandy Bright Is A Filthy Super Slut

11:56 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I all the time emailed this webpage post page to all my friends, since if like to read it afterward
my contacts will too.

My page visit website

3:27 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My partner and I absolutely love your blog and find nearly all of your post's to be exactly what I'm looking for.
Would you offer guest writers to write content available for you?
I wouldn't mind producing a post or elaborating on a lot of the subjects you write about here. Again, awesome web log!

Here is my website: visit website

3:15 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, i think that i saw you visited my weblog thus i came to “return
the favor”.I am trying to find things to improve my website!
I suppose its ok to use a few of your ideas!!

Look into my web site -

10:06 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was suggested this web site by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know such detailed about my trouble.
You are incredible! Thanks!

my website -

8:28 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks , I've just been searching for info approximately this topic for ages and yours is the best I've found out so far.
However, what about the bottom line? Are you certain in regards to the supply?

My website ... see More

10:07 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good post. I am going through some of these issues as well.

Feel free to surf to my page; visit website

12:44 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I visited many web pages however the audio quality for
audio songs current at this web page is really wonderful.

Feel free to visit my web-site: I loved this

12:02 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If some one desires to be updated with most up-to-date technologies then he must be visit this site and be up to
date everyday.

Also visit my website: Homepage

3:39 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's the best time to make some plans for the future and it's time
to be happy. I've read this post and if I could I want to suggest you few interesting things or tips. Perhaps you could write next articles referring to this article. I wish to read even more things about it!

Also visit my blog post ::

2:06 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

These are really wonderful ideas in regarding blogging.
You have touched some nice points here. Any way keep up wrinting.

Here is my webpage: 1

10:12 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's appropriate time to make some plans for the future and it's time
to be happy. I've read this post and if I could I desire to suggest you few interesting things or suggestions. Perhaps you could write next articles referring to this article. I want to read more things about it!

8:58 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the admin of this web site is genuinely working hard
in favor of his website, since here every material is quality based information.

Feel free to visit my web-site; Experienced

12:22 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi there, I want to subscribe for this webpage to obtain latest updates, thus where
can i do it please assist.

My blog post:

7:49 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I constantly spent my half an hour to read this web site's articles or reviews all the time along with a cup of coffee.

my blog -

6:44 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! Finally I got a web site from where I can genuinely get
useful facts regarding my study and knowledge.

Also visit my web page:

3:39 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I visited several web sites however the audio feature for
audio songs current at this website is actually wonderful.

Here is my web page:

10:34 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This site certainly has all the information I wanted concerning this subject and didn't know who to ask.

Have a look at my homepage -

1:04 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have been browsing online greater than 3 hours lately,
but I by no means found any interesting article like yours.

It's pretty price enough for me. Personally, if all web owners and bloggers made good content material as you probably did, the internet shall be a lot more useful than ever before.

My website - drilled from behind

2:45 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This design is wicked! You definitely know how to keep a
reader amused. Between your wit and your videos,
I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost.
..HaHa!) Great job. I really loved what you had to
say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!

my website ... in photo

6:21 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

2015-9-14 xiaozhengm
Abercrombie Short T-Shirts
louis vuitton
Abercrombie and Fitch Striped Shirts
michael kors bags
Louis Vuitton Neverfull GM Monogram
Nike Lebron James Shoes For Sale
ugg boots sale
michael kors handbags
michael kors outlet
Hollister Shirts For Women
Michael Kors Outlet Official Website
Air Jordan 3 "Infrared 23"
toms outlet
michael kors uk
Discount Clearance Coach Outlet Handbags
ugg boots outlet
canada goose jackets
Toms Shoes Sale Clearance

10:21 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

2015-9-14 xiaozhengm
Abercrombie Short T-Shirts
louis vuitton
Abercrombie and Fitch Striped Shirts
michael kors bags
Louis Vuitton Neverfull GM Monogram
Nike Lebron James Shoes For Sale
ugg boots sale
michael kors handbags
michael kors outlet
Hollister Shirts For Women
Michael Kors Outlet Official Website
Air Jordan 3 "Infrared 23"
toms outlet
michael kors uk
Discount Clearance Coach Outlet Handbags
ugg boots outlet
canada goose jackets
Toms Shoes Sale Clearance
uggs on sale
ugg boots on sale
tory burch sale
UK Louis Vuitton Handbag Outlet
Michael Kors Factory Outlet Online Official
burberry outlet
Christian Louboutin Outlet Authentic Sneakers Online
Outlet Michael Kors Online
Air Jordan 6 Cigar
Ray Ban Outlet Store Online
Louis Vuitton Outlet Factory Online

10:21 a.m.  
Blogger dada24 Xu said...

ray ban sunglasses discount
louis vuitton outlet online
jerseys cheap
cheap ugg boots
louis vuitton outlet online
timberland boots outlet
gucci bags
polo ralph lauren outlet
cheap jordan shoes
coach outlet online

2:49 a.m.  
Blogger raybanoutlet001 said...

nike air huarache
louboutin shoes
nike air force 1
ugg boots
jordan shoes
ugg outlet
ugg outlet
louis vuitton sacs
hugo boss sale
pandora outlet

7:23 a.m.  
Blogger alice asd said...

ecco shoes online
air jordan shoes
vikings jerseys
ralph lauren uk
nike factory store
pandora charms
michael kors outlet
ray ban sunglasses
cheap ray ban sunglasses
versace sunglasses

7:40 a.m.  
Blogger 1111141414 said...

kobe 9
michael kors handbags
kobe basketball shoes
longchamp handbags
adidas nmd
nike air force 1 low
yeezy shoes
michael kors handbags
roshe run
yeezy boost

7:39 a.m.  
Blogger raybanoutlet001 said...

yeezy boost 350
montblanc pens
rolex replica watches
miami dolphins jerseys
pandora bracelet
polo ralph lauren outlet
pandora bracelet
michael kors bags
polo ralph lauren outlet
kate spade sale

7:39 a.m.  
Anonymous Cara Mengobati Bisul said...

This information is very useful. thank you for sharing. and I will also share information about health through the website

Cara Mengobati radang Usus
Cara Mengatasi sakit pundak dan Leher kaku
Cara Menghilangkan Benjolan di Bibir
Obat Nyeri haid
Tips Menghilangkan Wajah kusam
solusi masalah kewanitaan

7:48 a.m.  
Blogger te12 said...

ugg outlet
magic jerseys
jimmy choo shoes
pandora jewelry
armani exchange
true religion outlet
indianapolis colts jerseys
jimmy choo sunglasses
ray ban sunglasses
birkenstock outlet

7:59 a.m.  

Post a Comment

<< Home