Thursday, March 29, 2007

Talking to yourself.

Well? Do you do it?
Orla Barry had some girl called Tina Delahunty on, and she says she's holding a poll to see if folk talk to themselves. She reckons folk get all twitchy about this, as though other folk mght think them nutty if they do.
I don't know about nutty, but I do know I'm a regular waffler to myself, usually aloud. Normally I waffle to the cats- which is like talking to yourself, only with a sort of escape clause.
'Are you talking to yourself?' A person might ask.
'No, to the cats.'
'Right, so you're not mad.'
'No, no, devil a bit of it. Isn't that right Puddy?'
'Meow.'
'That was you doing that.'
'Eek, oh hahah, I was just joking.'
Truth be told, there might not be a cat anywhere near me at the time.
Yesterday, as I was strolling up from the village with the milk and some Curly Wurlies, I was talking to myself, I was alone so I was in full flight, right up until the point that a man came around the corner and looked puzzled. Then I switched to my back up cover up, singing. At any given moment of self chatter I can break into the strain of some song or other, thus confusing the casual listener.
'Is this girl talking to herself?' They might wonder, noticing that I am alone and being full sure they heard conversation not moments before.
Then we will get closer and I will sing 'meet you all the way, Rosaaaaaaannnaa yeah' as I go past.
Then they will smile and relax their shoulders, for I am not a self waffler, but merely a happy go lucky clown, singing to myself as I go about my business.
Hah! Pah! Bah!
Foolish passer-bys, how easily you are conned. I WAS yapping, I was giving out to an imaginary friend!
Do I feel silly? No, not really, Gamma did it all the time. One would join her out on the lawn where she would be busily hanging clothes while her fat dog sat beside her.
'That one, always has to have the last word and sure it doesn't matter what you say, oh sure they don't listen, there's none so blind as those that don't want to see, oh sacred heart, sure it would put years on you, years-'
'Gamma who are you talking to?"
'Eeek, Oh, alana, don't be sneaking up like that, you'll put the heart cross ways in me.'
'Yes but-'
'Go on now, go on now with yourself.'
'But who were-'
'An don't be hanging around that quarry, you'll get drowned.'
This immediately made me think of going straight to the quarry, so I would leave her be, and I wouldn't have gone twenty feet when I'd hear the steady drone of her voice again. 'That one, always sneaking up on people...
Also, when I was a child, I used to interview myself regularly.
'So Miss Fatcat, where were you when you discovered you'd won the Oscar?'
'Ohh Parky, It was just so unexpected! I was riding my bay stallion across the moors back to the hall when Agatha, the housekeeper, came out all a flutter! 'Ma'am!' She yelled, frightening the bejaysus out of my stead. 'Ma'am, you've won, you won the oscar for sheer all round fabulocity!' Well Parky, I was taken aback, let me tell you.'
'You must have had some idea you were going to win?'
'Nooooo, anyway, Oscars, it's all a bit silly really, let me tell you about the five wolves I single handedly rescued from the circus and trained to attack school teachers on command, that's a real hoot.'
Whatever esle, the self talker is never bored. I for one can't wait until I am old and have grandchildren so that they may laugh and ask, 'Who are you talking to Gamma?'
'Ghosts.' I will say and titter as they run off in terror to find their parents.

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28 Comments:

Blogger Twenty Major said...

heh, made me larf.

ROSAAAAAAAAAAAAANA!

10:27 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I do hope it is stuck in your head ALLLLLLL day.

10:35 a.m.  
Blogger Birchsprite said...

I love it... I do

I'm going to be mad as a coot and live up a mountain in Donegal with 47 cats ... and a wee donkey. That's the plan anyway. For when I'm old. Then again I quite fancy doing it now.

10:58 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I'm going to get a mobile home in Bunclody and 'summer' there. I'm going to be all posh and build a deck outside it, like all Dublin folk do. Maybe even have hanging baskets and shit.

11:08 a.m.  
Anonymous Primal Sneeze said...

My ex used to talk to herself constantly - night and day. Never stopped. That's why I left her. An amicable separation - she said I never listened to her.

11:26 a.m.  
Blogger Flirty Something said...

ah, not just me then. to date have managed to keep most of the conversations in my head. only get caught out when I start laughing out loud at one of my own jokes.

11:51 a.m.  
Anonymous Shebah said...

My mother always talked to herself, and when we commented on it, she'd say "Well, I'm talking to the most interesting person around here!"

I find myself doing it when I am stressed, with too many things to do, I keep telling myself what to do next. Definitely barking mad!

12:23 p.m.  
Blogger The Swearing Lady said...

As a writer, I talk to myself in character. This is much more disturbing to lesser folk, and also lead to my being prescribed lithium.

2:06 p.m.  
Blogger Kav said...

I never talk to myself, that's just fucking weird. Besides, I don't need to. Everywhere I go, my two closest friends, a young ethereal blonde girl (who to me represents innocence), and a wizened grizzled old man (who represents wisdom) follow me. I talk to them.

3:03 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I knew it, I knew I wasn't alone- except for you Kav, you're...well I don't know what you are so I'm going to go with the most useless of phrases, 'different'.

4:35 p.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I wouldn't want to say what trouble talking to myself has got me into. So I won't.

I think survey-lady's right - I think loads of us do it but don't tell other people. It's like the percentage of people with piles. Statistically we know a large slice of the population pie is walking around with the grapes of wrath in their knickers but do they identify themselves in the pub?:

- "I yabber on and on to myself for hours!" "Oh really? Well let me tell you of my my monstrous ulcerating haemorhoids. Why just the other day they..." -

No they don't for both are matters of shame. You are clearly mental or you have been far too cavalier in your life about bottom health, so how irresponsible are you!

4:42 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Can you be both? Actually I'm against talking about bottoms, there is far too much talk about bums and poo holes for my liking, I hang around with mainly men you see, so talk of 'scadly arse' 'turtle tails' 'pebble dashing' 'touching cloth' 'the puppy's brown nose' and prodigious farting are de rigeur.

6:03 p.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Kav came out with something horrible, just horrible, lately about "touching cloth". I've learnt all kinds of horrible things from Kav.

6:31 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Just close your eyes and mutter 'think sexy toughts, think sexy thoughts' whenever anyone come up with the scat chat. Works for me.

7:13 p.m.  
Anonymous Primal Sneeze said...

Either no-one thought my incredibly witty comment was funny or everyone thought it was crap and just ignored it. Either way, I'm hurt now. (I just stubbed my toe on a gas cylinder .. Really, I did).

7:53 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Ohmigah! It was funny! But ja know what, I've been having a seriously clumsy day too, I've walked into two doorjambs and stubbed my toe on the chair in the bedroom too.
We could be kin.

10:27 p.m.  
Anonymous Jimmy Page's Trousers said...

My self-talking is generally restricted to violent streams of expletives, and that generally in a shout rather than normal conversational levels.

Also, this release of anger, bitterness and hatred is most often directed at the world and therefore probably can't be considered self-talking.

8:11 a.m.  
Blogger Kieran said...

I only talk to myself when I'm looking in the mirror, right into my eyes. I think that makes it weirder.

9:00 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I believe you could be right.

9:39 a.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

I talk to my farts.

10:41 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

They're solid enough, they can probably talk back.

10:50 a.m.  
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