I was asleep!

It's the greatest excuse ever told. Oh this one is a doozy! I'm going to use it constantly from now on in, and because I love you all I"m going to post it here so that y'all might use it freely too. Think of the posibilities. Did I ring up my mother and berate her for something or other, maybe, but I was asleep when I did it. Did you spend a mortgage papyment on shoes? I was asleep when I did it! I woke up and they were in a box beside the bed, yer honor, er, I mean paramour. Oh I could go on, I would go on, but I could be asleep.
From today's Mail.

"An airline pilot who turned up for duty on a transatlantic flight nearly six-and-a-half times the alcohol limit was cleared - after claiming he had been drinking in his sleep.

James Yates, 47, had been on a six-hour drinking session the evening before and was stopped at an airport security point looking dishevelled and unsteady on his feet, it was claimed.

But a jury acquitted the first officer of attempting to board the cockpit of the American Airlines Boeing 767 which had been due to take 181 passengers from Manchester to Chicago.

During the case, Yates, an American, had suggested he may have drunk a third of a bottle of whisky in his sleep after going to bed.

He denied he had been trying to get on the plane, insisting his intention was to find the captain and explain that he was not in a fit state to fly. Yates, from Ohio, had begun drinking at about 4.30pm the day before the flight to Chicago on February 11 last year, returning to his hotel room at 11.20pm.

The next thing he remembered, he told the court, was the plane's captain, Harvey Bell, hammering on his door at 9am - an hour-and-a-half before the plane was due to take off.

A jury in Manchester accepted his claims, although he is expected to lose his job following the incident which is an embarrassment to one of the world's biggest airlines.'

Sack him? Are they crazy? He's a genuis. Don't worry Yates, you can get a job in marketing anywhere, or advertising, or you culd be a lawyer, or A leader of a small island in Europe. just climb into your jammies and soon you will be master of all.

Oh, and by the by, Twenty Major, old miserable bollocks that he is, has been offered a two book deal with Hodder. He claims he was asleep when this happened. I believe him.