Thursday, March 15, 2007

Nightmare Kid.

Every so often the tranquil world of the fatcat will be shot to shit by a fit of laughter so genuine and so unexpected that it leaves one breathless and glad one ain't in public.
Behold, other bloggers dudes and dudettes alike, for I bring you a story of such weeny tweeny creeping weeping responsibility shedding wonder, that I a gal normally not known for gales of laughter, almost lost my CHAMPION breakfast of bacon and eggs.

Behold I say...

"RELAXING after a long day Lewis Green helps himself to a beer from the fridge, lights up a fag and settles down with his family in front of the telly.

Nothing unusual – except Lewis is only TEN. The tiny tearaway is the youngest ever to receive an Asbo and has made life a misery for neighbours. For them it is like living through an episode of TV’s Shameless.

Here mum Stephanie talks about her boy and how he was brought up.

STEPHANIE is outraged at a court’s decision to give her son an Asbo and to name and shame him.

The part-time cleaner says: “I don’t think it’s fair Lewis has been given the Asbo because he has been behaving himself for a few months now. Stephanie, 40, has lost count of the times she has been to court with baby-faced Lewis, though she now believes his behaviour is under control.

He has been a regular smoker since he was eight and moved on to cannabis a year later. Shockingly, Stephanie admits she gives Lewis her own cigarettes — he even lights up a Mayfair just seconds after The Sun photographer finishes taking pictures.

Stephanie says: “He’s not doing drugs any more. He has the occasional cig — about five or six a day. But I’d rather see him have a cigarette than know he’s going to do it behind my back, which will lead to other stuff.

“I’ve told him it will damage his lungs but I smoke and my husband smokes so he doesn’t listen. I’ve said I wish I could stop for the benefit of Lewis.

“I still let him spark up my cigarettes in the house but he’s stopped on the cannabis.”

I can't go on, there's more to the story of course, more whinging, more finger pointing, more wah-wah, but that last sentense cracks me up.

Oh no wait, I've got to add this bit it.

"“We have suffered more than anyone else with Lewis’s behaviour but instead of anyone having sympathy for us, people just automatically blame the parents.”

The strict terms of the Asbo mean Lewis is under a night-time curfew, is barred from possessing a knife or a screwdriver in public, throwing stones or eggs, having drugs or alcohol or being drunk.

The judge said, as an arrogant Lewis slept in court, that the order was not necessarily to punish Lewis, but to protect people living in his community."

Sweet Chultha, this kid is ten, can you imagine him in another few years? But hey, at least he's given up the hash, right? RIGHT?

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Anonymous Jimmy Page's Trousers said...

Political Correctness gone mad. That's what it is. What's the world coming to when a ten-year old can't go wandering about at night with a screwdriver or knife? What have we become that we can't let our children out to get pissed up and throw stones at whatever they want. Boys will be boys after all.

Nanny state at its worst.

11:50 a.m.  
Blogger The Swearing Lady said...

For fuck's sake. Taking his hash off him was just plain stupid. If he's a bollix when stoned, what's he going to be like... sober?

11:54 a.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

Oh Jesus Christ Superstar!!!!!!

Hahahahaha - is this for real???

What a pride and joy of a child... and gosh, those parents should get a Parents of The Year Award. Role models, yes indeed they are.

Stories like this make me believe in the future.

12:02 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

It certainly put me in good humour for the morning, I'm singing 'we are the world, we are the children, they are the ones who make a brighter day, so lets all kill them...' to myself as I work. No really, and now I think I might take a shower and consider the posibility that these good folk might have more children.

12:16 p.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

Yes wouldn't a little sister be just perfect...

12:31 p.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

..a little Vicki Pollard to complete the family..

12:35 p.m.  
Anonymous MacDara said...

Dont blame the parents its not their fault its the Grandparents fault for rasing his parents. Maybe were all to blame putting too much pressure on parents. How can they possibly control an eight year old and now that hs is ten sure what can they do .....

2:23 p.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

What they should do is encourage his drug use. He can go from hash, to speed and pills, then coke and heroin and by the time he's 15 he'll be a fully fledged crystal meth addict.

A couple of years on that and all his skin will have fallen off and he'll be dead.

Problem solved.

3:48 p.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Nah, Twenty. He may be a ratty wee oik but so would I be if I'd been allowed all he has. So would we all. Children push and push and do whatever they can get away with.

I'd be happier seeing the skin falling off his yahoo parents, preferably in some sort of a flaying situation.

4:14 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

I'm with Sweary. This horrible little bastard should be kept in a constant catatonic state. Give him all the booze and qualudes he wants, and lock him inside his house with his parents.

Then burn it.

4:35 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

It's the mother's completely blinkered thinking that astounds me the most. Wah wah, not our fault. I mean he's ten!

6:22 p.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

That's it, fmc.

I don't think parents are to blame for every last one-off thing their kid does, but this wee niaff's parents certainly are. There's a pattern of neglect with them. I'm not saying they don't love him, but if they'd spend more time teaching him to read and less teaching him how to roll his own then he might not be such a little arse now.

And then they say, who? me? My fault? No! There's not enough social services or swing-parks or libraries, that's it, yeah that's the problem. I love my kid therefore I have never ever done wrong by him. Nobody TOLD me he shouldn't be smoking at ten. Nobody took me by my hand and brought the kid up for me and I can hardly be to blame for that now, can I? I accept no personal responsibility for my areshole son OR my arsehole self. It's all society's doing. And the council! Yeah, it's them up at the council wot'd to blame!

Makes me wild, so it does.

6:53 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

'Makes me wild, so it does.'
Yeah baby, that and tequila.

6:59 p.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Shudder. Even whispering little test "tequilas" to myself these past few days has made my stomach churn more than a stomach on a CalMac ferry.


11:22 p.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

I'd be happier seeing the skin falling off his yahoo parents, preferably in some sort of a flaying situation.

Yeah, but nits make lice and all that.

Perhaps he could be dosed with PCP one afternoon then locked into the sitting room with his parents with only a meat cleaver and a chainsaw to play with.

Problem solved.

10:44 a.m.  
Blogger Boliath said...

I thought this was a joke, I was waiting for the punchline...

I'm sad now, sad that this is for real. Little boys are always trying to imitate their bigger older brothers or fathers, even my little 2 year old wants to be big and strong like Daddy. What a tragedy that this wee man thinks that to be a man mens smoking fags and drinking beer in front of the telly.

I know it's funny in some sort of a way but I can't laugh at it, I want to bring this wee man home with me and teach him the magic of legos and marla.

4:12 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its really a great news that the world is free from pollution and all people are living in good environment. There is everywhere is great atmosphere for living. The people go in any country without any permission. There is not any fear of any terror or war.

This will be dream of every child today.


4:56 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

You could Boliath, you big softy you, but he'd probably hold you up at knife point and rob your Kit-Kat money.

5:39 p.m.  
Blogger Kitchen Talk said...

Now, now, Ms Mammy-Cat, let's look on the bright side. AT LEAST, he's not out raping (we presume); pillaging, obviously, but not raping. AT LEAST, he's not in possession of a Weapon of Mass Destruction so the neighbours have something to be thankful for. AT LEAST he won't be on crack until, oh I don't know, he's ten and a half or so. And best of all, AT LEAST he lives a couple of hundred miles away from me.

10:37 a.m.  
Blogger P1P said...

I can't comment on this without suggesting retroactive abortion for the entire family.

Perhaps an ASBO could entail a one way trip to some radioactive island somewhere. I'd chip in to keep them in fags and booze and they could all make each others lives hell instead of their neighbours.

Bring back banishment!

11:42 a.m.  
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