Friday, March 23, 2007

The teenage conversation, like.

'I was like, Oh my God!, are you sure? He's a total mint!
'I'm telling you, he was totally looking at you.'
'Wow- he's a lash.'
'Yeah but, like, Connie used to go with this friend of his and she says he's like kinda like going with Ellie Foster.'
'Who?'
'That girl, you know her, she's got that like hair.' (waves arms madly)
'No way! Her? She's a total dirty skank!'
'Totally.'
(Glum silence for a moment)
'Do you think he like, likes her?'
'Probably not, he's probably just like, you know hanging with that whole crowd? You know?'
'Totally.'
'Connie was saying that Ellie's brother Gav is in a band, so like, that's probably it, like.'
'Oh totally, he's really into his music.'
'I mean that's probably why they were hanging out, practice, you know?'
'Yeah, because I don't think Ellie' (Does a dramatic head shake complete with disgusted face.)
'Me neither.'
'Like, ever since she got that part in the ad she's totally been up her own arse, like.'
'Oh totally.
'Pretending like she's so like, stagey, like she's always pretending she's a total algerian.'
Pause.
'A what?'
'Algerian?
'Like Greek?"
'No, what do you call them? You know those kind of actors that, like, think, they're all like, the shit and stuff?'
'Em-'
(Long pause)
'Well whatever, one of those, God, as if, I mean she's a total skank.'
'Oh totally.'
'She works in SuperQuinns on the weekend tooo. Packing bags? I saw her there, like last week. She was morto when she saw me.
'Oh bogus!'
'Totally,(looks very pleased all of a sudden, then frowns again) My mom's all in my face about getting a weekend job too and I'm like, relax, I'll get a job for the summer?'
'I've got one.'
'NO way! Oh my God! Where?'
'BT2.'
(Stunned) 'No the fuck way!'
'We get a discount on all the clothes too.'
'Wow, their clothes! I LOVE THEIR STUFF! Like- wow, I'm seriously- like that's amazing! How did you get that?'
'Oh, my Mom knows one of the managers and she like, asked?'
'Do you think they need anyone else like, part time?'
'Dunno. I'll ask.'
'Cool, that'd be like the total shit!'

ACTUAL CONVERSATION THIS FAT CAT HAD TO LISTEN TO RECENTLY. HOW THIS FAT CAT DIDN'T PULL A MR BARLOW FROM SALAM'S LOT AND CRACK THEIR TWO HEADS TOGETHER WITH A SATISFYING 'THWUNK' IS STILL A MYSTERY.

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80 Comments:

Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Wait 'til "the bomb" crosses the Atlantic:

Omigod he's gorgeous, he's the bomb, girlfriend! He's like sooo the bomb I can't believe it.

And Oh. My. God. Did you see Lindsay Lohan's new hair? It's just like the total bomb.


And doughnuts are the bomb and favourite grannies and chocolate and everything vaguely good in any way is the freakin' bomb.

The bomb, however, isn't the bomb. Because bombs are like sooo incredibly bad 'n' shit.

10:23 a.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Can't sleep, Cat. Thought I'd come round for a wee ceilidh. Any tea on the go?

10:27 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I even put biscuits in a circle on a plate for you. Help yourself lovie, I've gotta run and go to a 'friday meeting' now, But I'll be back, pull up a chair to the log fire.

10:33 a.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Lovely, Cat - very civil of you. You won't mind if I take a wee snoop-see round the new place while you're out, will ya?

10:37 a.m.  
Blogger daniel said...

I was on the Nightlink to Castleknock the other night, and these wannabee D4 girls where sitting opposite of me. One of the girls was chatting away:
- And then he said, like, bla-di-bla and I said, like, bla-di-bla
I was about to ask her: "and what did you say exactly, then?

11:07 a.m.  
Blogger The Swearing Lady said...

Thwunk? They'd probably imagine that to be the past tense of think.

11:12 a.m.  
Anonymous Jimmy Page's Trousers said...

It's spreading beyond the oral arena to. I received an email in work from one of those sort of interny/college work-experience people. No punctuation or capital letters and every third word was 'like'. I had to read it three times to figure out what he wanted.

How can he write like that? I don't understand. I'm tired hanging onto the edge of the generation chasm. Maybe it'd be, like, easier to let go.

Could I have one of those biscuits, by the way, or am I being terribly presumptuous and forward?

11:41 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well hey what goes around comes around. and how articulate was fatmammycat as a teenager when in the company of other teens? did she use annoying american phrases repeatedly and out of context? didnt we all....

11:51 a.m.  
Anonymous Cate said...

Seeeeeerrrioulsy Loike, I have a twenty two year old friend whom I used to share a house with. Pure sweetheart but can't listen to her. Can't read her text messages either. tis al lk dis n dat i dnt no ? 2 rply 2 er. Incidentally, a male friend of mine thinks she's the cutest thing since...i don't know... sliced pan if that can be cute and now he texts like that too?? Sucker...

1:05 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

All that "like" stuff is infectious, too. When you start making fun of it and imitating it for a laugh, it, like, finds its way into your normal, like, speech.

I'm like, so bummed now.

1:32 p.m.  
Anonymous Conor said...

You are sooooo not with it Sam. It's "da bomb" not "the bomb".

First time a co-worker in Texas said "you da bomb Conor" I had to ask if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

I kinda like teens talking like that.

Beats growing up with "wellllll?" "welllllll?" - which is what passed for conversation in Kilkenny in the late 70's and early 80's.

2:24 p.m.  
Anonymous Shebah said...

Absolutey hilarious - I love it - sounds like a perfect Vicky Pollard type sketch to me, FMC, for when you write your tv comedy.

2:36 p.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

*shame*

Conor's right of course. Da bomb,da bomb.

I'm so, like totally 32 and not da bomb.

2:48 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Personally as a teenager I doubt I sounded like I was from Orange County, and seeing I was from the country I probably said djaknowwatImean? After every other full stop.
What I didn't do was you know, totally talk like I'm always asking a question? Or say 'ohmygod', every other breath. And I also knew the diffference between Bohemien and Armenian too, although I totally pronounced like you know 'cacophoney' ca-ca-phoney, until somebody much cleverer than somebody say like me? fell about the place laughing at it one day?
That wsa a pink cheek day, let me tell you. I'd only ever read the word. I won't even begin to tell you how I pronounced adamant. Think 'Prince Charming".

2:50 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

ha! Conor, 'Good'. was our form of 'hello, how are you, cloudy today is it not, well bye then.'

2:53 p.m.  
Blogger Boliath said...

How's it goin' sham?
Oh god the things we said as teenagers, in my town we said Wahoo as hello I think somehow it was a bastardised version of Gra Thu or something at least I hope so, it could well have come out of someones arse one day. We also said things were Mighty a lot, females you didn't think much of were buckets and wagons, bad things were CAT, just cat y'know.
I dont know what my 17 year old niece is saying to me half the time, I check in on her Bebo site and I just get confused.

3:31 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Jesus Christ Boliath, we said 'cat' too, but worse, we said 'cat malogin' . And if something was broken, it was 'bagsed.'

3:39 p.m.  
Anonymous Peadar said...

When I was young if someone did something embarassing we'd say they were 'taken' or 'swept'.

'I can't believe ya shifted her, your taken'

5:40 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

ah shifted! Or 'wearing the face off each other'.

6:38 p.m.  
Blogger The Swearing Lady said...

Aw, fuck. I still talk like that, lads.

7:15 p.m.  
Anonymous Primal Sneeze said...

Words like 'taken', 'swept', 'bagsed', 'buckets', 'wagons' and 'cat', and expressions like 'wellllll' and 'wearing the face off' are part of local culture.

Where I grew up our parents gave us 'jockey backs' not 'piggy backs'. Sometimes 'jiggy backs'.

'Don't mind him - he's no fags', meant ignore him, he's just depressed (or in withdrawal) today.

A girlfriend could be a 'beoir', 'moth', 'skirt' or a 'missis' depending where you lived.

I loved this. Still do. What I don't like (excuse the use of the word 'like') is Internationalisation, where all young people feel pressured to use words and expressions from American TV and feel embarrassed to use their local lingo.

But don't mind me. I'm a dozy aul hoor ... like.

7:32 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

When I was small if I fell and cut my knees my gamma used to say, 'ah whist now alana, whist.' And for some reason I'd stop bawling immediately, then she'd sing Foster and Allen at me while she doused my in TCP.
Fools were 'goms' stupid fools were 'right lookin' goms' And sad fools, were 'poor craters'
However, nostalgia notwithstanding -and I do love trips down the lane,(I swear I can smell TCP right now) I am heading to the cinema, to see 300, a film I have been going 'eeeeee' about for some time. It better be all I bloody well have worked it up to be in my head.

8:18 p.m.  
Blogger The Freelance Cynic said...

Oh my god, like totally yeah. cos like you know Little Britain, like that funny Sh*t with walliams and the bald guy? It sounds totally like that but!
I love Vicky Pollard, but you know but I'd never tell her that. She's a total skank!
Here from bananas blog! Great stuff. This post is the bomb!

9:03 p.m.  
Blogger grumpy old man said...

jolly good old chaps wotwot.

chin up chin up eh?

10:10 a.m.  
Blogger PI said...

Drat and double drat! That Algerian is gonna worry me all week-end!

10:46 a.m.  
Blogger Face said...

Whats BT2?
We have sychronous posts.

5:34 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Brown Thomas 2. A sort of younger person's Brown Thomas. But still ridiculously expensive.

7:54 a.m.  
Blogger Mairéad said...

Jesus, FMC, imagine living with them!! I have two teenagers who howl with laughter at my quaint little sayings, e.g. Did any lads ask you to dance? Are you going out with anyone? Did he shift her? It seems that the 00 teenagers NEVER ask a girl to dance, they just sort of join in. They don't go out with anyone, they just "hang". No-one shifts or snogs anymore, the MEET! Yes! MEET!!! How confusing is that! I'm a source of fierce amusement. I keep forgetting how old and senile I am until they kindly remind me!!

9:52 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Don't worry Hon, rest assured you are not alone.

11:36 a.m.  
Anonymous Conor said...

I thought I was being very right-on sending my 16-year old nephew a Hairy Baby t-shirt for his birthday which said "Cogging - only the strong survive"

I met him a few weeks later and asked him if he liked it. "Sure, excellent" he said.

His dad then piped up "Conor, he had no idea what cogging was".

Another great word lost.

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