What's in a name Fuckface?
While pondering where the invisible mariachi band had come from this morning, and why they were playing quite so close to my ears, I wandered lonely as a puddle of gloop to the kitchen to make coffee and inject pain killers directly into my veins. Sitting there, in my robe, bare feet, my hair as curly as orphan Annie's, I tried to make sense of certain things I had learned the night before.
Here is what I learned. Take heed folks, you may need this list to compare some day.
1) Cocaine is now de rigueur at any social gathering.
2) People who ingest cocaine bore the absolute shit off me, okay dude I get it, your mind is like totally expanding man and your early inhibitions have flown the coop so now you can wax lyrical on just about any subject you choose.
3) Small light people cannot handle a lot of booze.
4) However fill them with Redbull and they think they can-thus they drink more than normally possibly-and get very very aggressively drunk.
5) Girls called 'MiMi' (that's right, second capital) ought to be rounded up and studied. If we can isolate whatever gene it is that makes them impervious to cold we should isolate it and the one that makes it difficult to breathe and blink at the same time, we ought to crush that one.
6) Running into old 'friends' at social gatherings, while awkward and uncomfortable can be done, unless girls called MiMi are nearby.
7) People who say, 'Didn't like, you, like used to be, like friends? Ohmigosh, well, you know, what's that saying, we're all together as one?' exist.
8 There is no such saying as 'we're all together as one.'
9) False eyelashes are like totally expensive but there's like an amazing girl in Temple Bar that can do them, it I should ever like you know, what to 'do something' about my own eyelashes.
10) And this is where I came in. Not taking your husband's (future or otherwise) name as your own once you're legally hitched is still seen-by some- as being an act of subversion. Pointing out that your own name might have served you perfectly well for any number of years and you might like to keep it, is also considered, 'strident.' And 'bogus feminist crap.'
Telling cocaine filled wanklords to cram it is not considered strident, that's just considered 'hostile.'
Offering to show cocaine filled dude the true meaning of 'hostile' invokes near gnu like panic in the surrounding herd, except for MiMi who was busy trying to scoop one of her false eyelashes out of her drink using a straw and then her thumb.
Rum will sooth all ruffled feathers, at least surface feathers.