Fucking Ubrellas
Oiiiii! Short people and olden folk! Listen up, just coz yer short does not give you the right to willfully blind the rest of us with you goddamned ubrellas. If you insist on putting your battered and lethally pointy brollies up for every squall, dribble, spit and downpour, at least have the fucking wit and common decency to remember that A) your lethal weapon is now at direct eye level with the rest of us non- dwarves, and B) your sodding Unbrella is at least a FOOT wider on either side of your miserable head.
I don't want to stand under your umbrella-ella -ella- ella -ay-ay-ay, so put the fucking thing away or be SLIGHTLY more careful with it.
Either that or I'm going to start carrying a scythe. We'll soon see who wins THAT little tussle.
Labels: ow.
posted by fatmammycat at 3:29 p.m.
25 Comments:
I use one as a sun screen (not that it's a problem for you this summer, FMC) but I promise i'm not a nuisance with it. A hooded raincoat is the best solution to the rain.
Do you do any work?
I can get you a new scythe for €50... they're not so easily come by. It's all rimmers, I mean strimmers nowadays. I've not seen a wooden handled scythe for more 'n a decade. Brill for the old schwink lop!
Medbh, what you've got there is a parasol.
Anonymous, get a life or at least an identity!
I don't understand the point of them. Particularly if there's even the slightest bit of wind. The only thing the umbrella protects is the top of the head, so, you know, get a hat and stop poking.
You think blogging isn't work, anon? You think those little ubrella pictures find themselves?
Sorry was genuinely wondering where dedicated bloggers find the time, perhaps I phrased it wrong, sincere apologies.
Hah! At last! Someone at long last saying what I have been saying for years. Except it's not short people who bother me - it's the rest of you slightly more normal sized people.
I'm tall, so it's all *your* umbrellas are liable to stab me in the eye.
It had to be said. Well done. I thought I was alone in noticing the sharp decline in umbrella manners. Time was people would make every attempt to avoid taking your eye out, now they don't give a flying fig.
I wonder if we aren't even MORE suited than I thought.
What am I saying, of course we are.
Technically you're right, Conan. Did you know that umbrellas were invented 4-5,000 years ago for sun protection? The rain was an afterthought.
Fat Mammy Cat, I just read that the horrible psycho Michael Mullen got a minimum 35 year sentence for raping and murdering his niece.
Whats an umbrella? Its so long since we have seen rain over here :)
No need to apologise Nonnie toots, I do bursts of manic work in between eating, going to the gym, going for lunch, running, humming and hawing, blogging and faffing about.
Microwave work, it's the way of the future.
Medbh, I did an update on him this morning. The miserable wretch, they found a whole load of child porn on his computer, so there were triggers with this scumbag.
I am also ignoring MacDara and his weather reports for the rest of the day, do tell him that someone.
Conan, a sickle would also do, but it sort of lacks the 'uuumph.'
FMC, scythes are SO bulky. Carry a small lighter in your pocket. Then, whilst standing behind one of these rude umbrella people (I use one, I am NOT rude with it) just quietly light it on fire.
I like it, economical and to the point, only a pregnant woman would consider the bulk aspect.
Sorry FMC I can't help myself but its too warm at night.
The Next 10 days
High /
Low (°C) Precip. %
Tonight
Jul 03
Clear 24° 0 %
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Sunny 29°/24° 0 %
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Sunny 28°/23° 0 %
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Sunny 29°/23° 0 %
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Sunny 28°/23° 0 %
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Sunny 28°/24° 0 %
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Sunny 29°/24° 0 %
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Sunny 29°/24° 0 %
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Sunny 29°/25° 0 %
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Sunny 29°/25° 0 %
That's just cruel.
"Listen up, just coz yer short does not give you the right to willfully blind the rest of us with you goddamned ubrellas."
Hey! I resemble that remark!
"Either that or I'm going to start carrying a scythe. We'll soon see who wins THAT little tussle."
Right, right, putting it away....
I'm with Medbh; I use one in the summer so that I don't burst into flames. In fact, my umbrella gets far more use in the summer than it does in the winter, come to think of it.
It's 106 here today. I'd go look up what that is in Celsius, but I believe I have melted to my seat.
It's supposed to be 109 tomorrow. Some rain would be nice, as long as it came with some cooler weather.
I would gladly swap you tuesday for a bucket of sunshine today. Seriously, I've just come back from a one hour run and it rained exactly five times in that one hour. Does the really hot weather not play havoc with your allergies?
I refer to my umbrella as head & shoulders. The rain drips off it and soaks your lower half. Damn useless contraption.
Umbrella... yes, from the Latin umbra - shadow/s. Pointless in cities (boom! boom!!)
This Global Wetting is getting out of hand. July 4, 13 degrees, and horsing it out of the heavens.
Scythe blade (not so bulky) can be bought separately - €30. You could do one of those Chinese martial arts movie moves...
... everything slowing down on a crowed street, the teeming rain falling, you make a slow motion leap into the air among the shorties with their brollies, then a 360 degree 'swink lop' with the blade... cutting a swathe through all the umbrella stalks...
Woukd I get to wear a long leather coat and shades as I performed this mighty task? YAY!! I would wouldn't i?
"Does the really hot weather not play havoc with your allergies?"
No, I'm allergic to one thing or the other all throughout the year. The smoggy days get to my asthma, though. And the heat seems to be affecting my blood sugar levels, causing me to go all melodramatic and swoony.
Thanks for that exercize/prayer trade-off thing; I lost 8 pounds this last month. You go, girl, and I'll light some more candles.
Oh... all right, I suppose. I was thinking more House of Flying Daggers than the Matrix... but to each their own.
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