Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Perfect woman searches for perfect man.

Well dang, I woke up today feeling pretty good about life in general. I watched the first two episodes of The Wire last night, becoming an immediate convert as I knew I would-thank you Medbh. I slept soundly, apart from when I woke up at four bathed in sweat, but I fell back to sleep pretty easily after a t-shirt change. I rose early, my hamstrings are feeling less taut so I'm off to the gym shortly and although I have a shit load of work on it's all doable.
Then I read the following and while the smarter section of my brain has already dismissed it as poppycock, the other part of it has gone 'oh just shove it up your holes.'

From the Telegraph
"Blue-eyes, blonde hair, and most importantly on a salary considerably lower than her boyfriend or husband.

These are key attributes that define the perfect woman, if the latest survey if to be believed.

According to recent poll of 66,000 men, their idea of the ideal female would also weigh a slim nine-and-a-half stones, live on her own and occasionally wear glasses.

The research, carried out by the online dating site, also found that 54 per cent of males would not date anyone who earns more than £25,000 a year.

Most men ranked "blue eyes" as the most important attribute followed by "long blonde hair", with "occasionally wears glasses" as third.

Intelligence was not a priority, but she must be "very good looking", have a "wacky personality" and "be optimistic".

The poll found that only 15 per cent of men would date a woman who had a pessimistic or cynical outlook on life.

Surprisingly they did not seem to mind how much time she spent on housework or in the kitchen, but "being good in bed" was certainly high on their priorities and ranked seventh on the list.

Men also do not appear to like women who are too tall, with just 20 per cent saying they would date a girl taller than 6ft.
Ideally she would own her own car, the favoured makes being a Ford Ka or a Mazda MX5 and enjoy regular trips to nightclubs, pubs and restaurants.

It is also important that she loves pets, is a non-smoker, and only drinks alcohol occasionally.

Her ideal profession would be in nursing or PR, the survey found, preferably earning between £10,000 and £25,000 a year.

David Brown, managing director of, which studied members' data to come up with the results, said: "While the old adage 'Gentlemen prefer Blondes' still holds true today, it's interesting to note that in this world of size zeros and calorie counting, men are more interested in height than weight, and prefer a medium build girl to a skinny girl.

"This research just goes to show that men are as selective with their choice of date as women are, and know exactly what they want."

The results contrast sharply to when the same survey was carried out by the website on women earlier this year.

It found that Mr Right must be a high earner on £60,000 a year who drives a Mercedes and lives in a £300,000 property in the home counties."

No wonder these folk are members of a dating agency. With such exacting standards what hope have the mortals-with their pesky flaws- got of attracting them.

Well slap my thigh and call my lady patch Maureen. The article then shows a photo of Scarlet Johansson, claiming her to be almost perfect but gosh darn it she earns too much money.
As a tall women with dark hair and grey eyes I an staggered to find I am so utterly unappealing to the common man. I never knew. I also never seemed to have any trouble attracting men, but maybe they could sense I was-oh I don't know-a car owner or something equally as important when looking for a mate.
People are attracted to what they are attracted to, but excuse me, how would any man know what any woman was earning on a first date? Or even a second or eleventy--fifth? And how exactly does a woman who earns a decent wage drop in attractiveness? Oh right, she doesn't, she just becomes more threatening to men with tiny minds. ( I've never understood this either, if I was earning a truly disgusting amount of money I can only imagine the paramour's delight)
Meh, I suspect this online thing is a load of old hooey, but it's a depressing load of old hooey. I thought we'd moved on from this kind of tripe years ago.
Do I give a monkeys what sort of car a man drives or how much he earns? No, I don't. Must he live in a certain area? Nope. I rate intelligence pretty highly, and also kindness, good arms are nice too and that dip in the chest, mmmmmmm. Also, if a chap smells nice and can make me laugh I would find him one million times more attractive than some preening wally in a Mercedes who feels threatened by women who have careers that allow them to earn more than the bare minimum wage.
Right, the gym. Oh golly, do real girls sweat?



Blogger Twenty Major said...

Well slap my thigh and call my lady patch Maureen. The article then shows a photo of Scarlet Johansson, claiming her to be almost perfect but gosh darn it she earns too much money.

Aye, the money thing is a real turn off.

9:10 a.m.  
Anonymous nonny said...

Oh sweet Jesus. If the poor fucker is only on 25k she certainly won’t have her own house or a Mazda and will be hard paused to keep her hair blonde as getting that done is ching ching these days, she might be good in bed though, here’s hoping eh?

I think you have to bear in my mind that the survey was on people in a dating agency, that doesn’t exactly say a lot about them in the first place, not all of them off course some are genuine hopefuls but, most are fucking weirdo’s.

9:26 a.m.  
Anonymous Primal Sneeze said...

I get the occasionally wears glasses bit. The rest I'm totally lost on.

9:55 a.m.  
Anonymous Shebah said...

Nonny - you seem to be living on a different planet - the national wage is around the 25k mark and lots of folk manage to own a home and run a car on that. Money is nice but it is not the be all and end all - I would never choose my friends/lovers based on the size of their wallet. In the UK it has become uber cool to use on line dating agencies - and it is very common for young doctors and city traders to use them. I know a few people who have met this way and it is discussed in the same way as meeting someone at a party or club.

10:04 a.m.  
Anonymous Shebah said...

Nonny - I also find it funny that you assume everyone has to "keep their hair blonde" some of us, like Scarlett Johanssen (and me!) were born blonde and don't need any chemical help from hairdressers! Sadly, I don't have the blue eyes that seem to be compulsory! (But I am marvellous in bed - at sleeping!)

10:14 a.m.  
Blogger Lou said...

I may as well resign myself to spinsterhood - I really wouldn't like living on my own, HATE Ford Ka's, have dark hair and green eyes!

A couple of my friends are on dating sites and they are lovely girls who mostly don't go out much due to crazy working hours (they're lawyers) so I can see the sense in them using websites, but I don't think I could do it...

Although one of my friends (ditz from Singapore) went on - not making this up! God knows what their criteria are, lol...

10:19 a.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

What, are there no nine and a half stone blond men who occasionally wear glasses on modest salaries and drive a Ka/Mx5 looking for alpha females in power jobs? I'm shocked!

10:51 a.m.  
Blogger Manuel said...

Well I have blues eyes and (used to have) blondish men want me.........result all the same

11:33 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I for one am comforted by the fact that when it's all added up, I am repulsive to most men.

12:00 p.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

As Ludacris so eloquently put it "I want a lady on the street but a freak in the bed".

Well, a man can dream...

12:08 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well Well, it is backwards we are going! Remember the "new man" thingey in the 90s? That seems to be well and truly gone now! I am dark haired, blue eyed, a tad overweight, have my own house, have a good salary - double what is required by the "modern" man and I wear glasses all the time and oh dear I have a brain too! Wouldn't get very far on those dating sites so!!

12:23 p.m.  
Anonymous SeaDreams said...

I know....let's ask Eliot Spitzer...

12:27 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

FMC, I'm glad you're enjoying The Wire and that I didn't ruin it for you by bleating on and on about how good it was.

That poll makes men look so insecure and shallow. Pity.

12:33 p.m.  
Anonymous di said...

12:34 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I was looking around me at the gym, men and women of all ages and sizes, most of them married, I have no idea how they managed it. It must be some kind of miracle. Or maybe they're just not perfection seeking bachelors or money hungry ladies who want to be looked after.
Either way, folk seem to fall in love and get married and have babies and live their lives without subscribing to any of the criteria in the telegraph.

2:36 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Where on earth have I put my glasses this time?

2:37 p.m.  
Blogger Dr. James McInerney said...

I think it is a very different question - what is your ideal date - which usually produces a fantasy answer and the question - do you like this person that you have met a couple of times. The person you have met a couple of times might not look at all like the description you give an online website thingie, but yet you fancy them.

Girls - if asked a few simple questions what would be your answers:

1. Hairy back or hairless?
2. Pudgy belly or flat tummy?
3. Glasses or no glasses?
4. Ginger or brown hair?

You might give the answers hairless, flat, no glasses, brown hair. But in the reality of life, you meet a bloke with a bit of a belly, wearing glasses, with a gentle dusting of ginger fur on his bottom and you might think he is wonderful.

Well, it might happen.


3:24 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, James, I see you've met my dear husband.

3:33 p.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

The mighty Doc once again speaks the truth - and I'm sure FMC isn't averse to a ginger bum.

Its all a matter of individual tastes and accepting the (your idea of) imperfections as an integral part of that person.

3:34 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

3:55 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Ahem, I was trying to say, surely no one in their right minds would be adverse to a ginger bum?

3:57 p.m.  
Anonymous Sam, Problemchildbride said...

People these days shop for a mate like they would a car. With criteria. A checklist. Looking for a warranty almost. It's depressing how we've commoditised attraction. Plus it doesn't even work that way.

Thinning hair, huge nose, pushing 50, eyes too close together, wierd voice. Dosesn't sound like a keeper, does he? But I've just described Alan Rickman, a man I'd like to ravish thoroughly and non-stop for at least 72 hours, pausing only for gulps of water and bathroom breaks.

Attractions all in the crook of a smile, the intense look of concentration. it's all in the anomoly as far as i've ever been able to see.

I went out with a "perfect" looking bloke in uni. Gorgeous he was but I didn't fancy him a bit. I thought I should on account of his gorgeousness, but nope - he was just a nice chap is all. Didn't push my buttons in the least.

4:03 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Damn straight. I got asked out by a bloody model one time, an honest to goodness model and I had to say no, no and thrice no. Even talking to him was dull.
MmmmmmRickman. If he was dressed up as Snape or the Sheriff of Nottingham I believe I'd be in 7th heaven.

4:38 p.m.  
Anonymous nonny said...

Lou, go speed dating, it is cool. I have gone a couple of times with my friend. I love the banter and the nervous faces. Jen has met some lovely guys, I’m sure if she wasn’t so dirty on the first date things could have blossomed. She has met some really nice guys. Half of the people at it are just there to give their mates moral support. I think we are going are going next Thursday.

4:57 p.m.  
Anonymous nonny said...

I like pretty boys but I much prefer men that dress well, no matter how nice the guys personality, dressing like a minger is a definite no for me. Tuck the shirt in lads and don’t even attempt to pull it out a little. Personal hygiene is also a no, I bet at least 50% of Irish men don’t shower or change there socks and jocks daily.

5:04 p.m.  
Blogger Lou said...

My type is generally tall, dark, with huge emotional issues. End up with them every time! Unfortunately takes more than the three minutes or whatever to discover how truly mental someone is so I don't think speed dating is for me...

5:18 p.m.  
Anonymous nonny said...

Ha. You don't only have 3 mins, you yap to them for three mins, then at the end you get to talk to whoever you thought was nice. I know a couple of people who have done it, there number one advice is chat to someone you wouldn't normally talk to, now I don't mean the guy in the corner who's eys balls are so close together they can see each other, there are some nice lads there. If I was single I'd do it.

5:30 p.m.  
Anonymous Sam, Problemchildbride said...

I used to think I had a type. now I think my only type is Not Pretty. (Apart from Johnny Depp, obviously)

I am constantly surprised at how many types I do have, I really am. If that doesn't make me sound like Hussy MacNotfussy from Ifitbreathesville - but it doesn't really mean I fancy every man I meet. It just means that the ones I do fancy are often very different from each other. Alan Rickman, Gary Oldman, Tim Roth, Liam Neeson, Sean Connery still, Hugh Laurie, Michael Palin, They have to have some character in their faces though. Bland boys don't appeal.

But forearms, yes. Very important - hairy - good. Ever since Mr. J the O'Grade computer teacher leaned over me in class one summer's day with a blue short sleeved shirt. I cursed the fact I hadn't actually taken computing and was only there for a science lab. But the arms - they lingered.

The wee one's home today with the cold so I've been running back and force while typing this and it is very strange to have one's mind on snot and warm juice one minute and on Mr. J's forearms the next.

Tea, I think.

6:42 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

Docky makes good points. I always said I liked tall, pale/freckled, green-eyed gingers. Kilts appreciated, but optional. Ended up marrying a short, dark haired, brown-eyed, Italian/Irish American with a beer gut.

Cute butt, though.

8:16 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

Ditto. Put me down for "not pretty" as my type, FMC.

And again I will say it:
Larry David is totally sponge worthy.

8:22 p.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

Larry David is totally sponge worthy.


8:32 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Forearms, butts, sparkly eyes all good all good indeed. Emotional problems less so, Larry, good god, bleee.
I once went out with a man who chaased my car like a jack Russell, swearing and ordering me to stop, hah! AS if.

9:06 p.m.  
Blogger Ramon Insertnamehere said...

You know, the opening sentences of this post make a pretty good blues song.

I woke up today,
Feeling pretty good about life in general

5:56 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Maybe a reverse blues song, aren't blues songs, well, blue?

8:10 a.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

What is the reverse of blue? Eulb?

It's not green. If you write a song about feeling green then you're sick. If it's brown you've got the shits. Yellow you're a coward. Pink, gay. Red, Liverpool's playing at home.

What colour is the song of happiness?

10:39 a.m.  
Anonymous nonny said...

Orange like Mr Sunshine, all songs with him in it are happy. It must be orange.

11:11 a.m.  
Anonymous Babs said...

I thought that I had a type, looks and clothes wise until I met my current squeeze who is so unlike any of my ex's it's actually unbelievable to me. Though they all seem to have similar baggage traits ie: have been fucked over by a woman previously and have serious trust issues because of it, though I have those issues too, so I can't really say anything. I do like funny coloured eyes, like in between two colours, browny green, greeny grey and they must be sparkley and also the male must have nice teeth, weird teeth freak me out to the max.

11:46 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

yeah, it's probably orange.
Babs, I will agree, the teeth can be a big no no if they're minging. Also the fact that this one is so unlike the others might mean he's a bit of a keeper, no?

11:51 a.m.  
Anonymous Shebah said...

I like my men slightly imperfect and a bit shabby around the edges - perfectionists are just too hard to live with - and the colour of happiness, Gold, pure gold.

12:27 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Gold? I like it! PLease feel free to donate any you have hanging about to the box of benevolent beauty balm.

12:38 p.m.  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

"Middle-aged, balding, overweight man seeks Pamala Anderson lookalike"

I'm sure I saw this ad once, although maybe it's an urban myth

4:33 p.m.  
Anonymous Eolaí said...

Gold? You mean we have to associate Spandeau Ballet with happiness?

6:33 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Kim, surely not.
Eolaí, now now, always believe in your soul. Oh jesus, I can hear a sax solo in my head. Damn it.

7:53 a.m.  
Anonymous Babs said...

Yes FMC it hopefully does mean that he is a keeper!

9:21 a.m.  
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