Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Victim Henry Hoover Violated Viciously and Vigorously.

Oh snarf! I'm going to bed, but before I do I felt it was incumbent upon me to share the following.
From today's Telegraph.

"A Polish worker has come up with an unusual excuse after being caught in the act with a vacuum cleaner.

The building contractor claimed he was cleaning his underpants with Henry Hoover when he was found naked and on his knees in a hospital's staff canteen.

Henry the Hoover
The man claimed he was cleaning his underpants with Henry Hoover

A stunned security guard stumbled onto the man in the middle of a compromising act with the cleaner, which has a large smiley face painted on its front and a hose protruding from its "nose".

According to the Sun, the contractor was supposed to be locking up the building site near the Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital where his firm is refurbishing administration offices.

The security guard, suitably horrified, told the man to "clean himself and the hoover" before asking him to leave and informing his bosses.

When later questioned by his employers, the man said he was vacuuming his underpants, which was "a common practice in Poland". He has since been fired.

The man's employers, HG Construction, told The Sun: "That behaviour is not acceptable, though it gave a few people a laugh".

Oh those cultural common practices, why won't they ever travel well?

At least he didn't blame it on alcohol.



Blogger Conan Drumm said...

We have a "Henry".

Do you think I should bring him for counselling or a bit of Reiki therapy, or should he just suck it up like the rest of us?

3:37 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I'll see if I can twiddle his chakras and juice up his chi-chis from here with some distance healing.
That will be 5o of your finest euros please.

3:46 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

A client writes:

"Henry has benefitted greatly from your course of distance healing. His flex return winder is running very smoothly and there is no longer any loss of suction or rattling when the brush attachment is used. I enclose €50 and a donation of €24 to go towards the building fund for your cherished House of Dynamic Healing project. Yous faithfully, Onan Rum."

3:57 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Dearest rube.
I and my inner sense of well being thank you for your most generous contributions.
Rest assured, it will be spent on heels, I mean healing. Spent on healing.

4:17 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How many men are now taking up the household chores after reading this story.

6:19 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Or backing away from them?

6:26 p.m.  
Blogger PI said...

I too have a Henry. He is presently at the top of the stairs as I am too idle to put him back in his cupboard in the hall. I have to say he has always behaved impeccably and I'm sure the odd occasion when he has caused me to fall a--e over tit has been a genuine mistake.

6:32 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I don't know, they're tricksy, I had a dyson, caused me no end of trouble, eventually it toppled into a skip and was never heard from again. Nasty things.

6:45 p.m.  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

The most wonderful excuse I ever heard for a person caught in a compromising position, was a man in Devon found with a donkey.

"I was taking a piss and it backed on to me, m'lud"

7:24 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Good lord, although you just wouldn't know. Have you ever seen that clip where a donkey chases a man -whose trousers are down about his ankles- about a field trying to mount him? Very disturbing, although I laughed the first time I saw it.

7:32 p.m.  
Blogger Manuel said...

LMM walked in the other day to find me stuffing the chicken........that's right I was stuffing the chicken and then I stuffed the peppers. Then I made dinner.....

12:37 a.m.  
Anonymous Primal Sneeze said...

I got sacked for having it off with the dishwasher in the college canteen. Not fair when you consider the dishwasher got to keep her job. If I'd known she was also the potato peeler I'd wouldn't have gone near her.

7:04 a.m.  
Anonymous Sam, Problemchildbride said...


That is a story of beauty.

I'm putting this next bit here 'cos I missed your post the other day.

I did not say "Hoots!"

I mumbled though, I'm sure I mumbled. Public speaking has never come easily to me and I was very conscious of not having done one blessed iota of a thing to deserve these people showing you such clappy love, and how disappointed people would be when I said I wasn't really you. There really was a thoroughly deserved huge roar for you.

And then the only thing I had to do was not break the bloody award. Fuck. And sorry. I am a loser.

A good deal of that evening was spent talking to people who wanted to tell me to tell you how much they love your blog and how glad they were to see you win it. It was a hugely popular win, my darling, and though my legs were shaking at having to speak in front of all these folks I was absolutely thrilled to have been your "spokeswoman" for the night.


8:07 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Stuffing and peeling, what a sick bunch you all are.

Sam, you made it back in one piece! Good, I am rather relieved. Ye gods I did not envy you catching a flight the morning after the night before. I didn't even bother getting dressed on Monday. A very large thank you for being good enough to go up in front of everyone like that. I know it was a bit sprung on you but from what I hear you were marvelous. I put the award in here on my mantle, frankly I think the crack ads character so you are to desist immediately with the loser talk.

10:36 a.m.  
Anonymous Shebah said...

FMC - any regrets about not "coming out" at the Blogs Awards like TM? Do you think that meeting some of your fellow bloggers will change the way you blog?

10:46 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Don't think so darling. I can't see how it would. I am what I am, (not Popeye obviously) I am who I am, be it on screen or in person.
Although I am considerably louder in person.

10:53 a.m.  
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