Thursday, March 20, 2008

Unsexy, Unkind, Uncalled for.

Maxim, that worthy magazine of tits and ass has formed a unsexiest woman alive list and nominated Sarah Jessica Parker as number one.
Parker, an actress wife and mother, has this to say about it.

"Do I have big fake boobs, Botox and big lips? No.

"Do I fit some ideals and standards of some men writing in a men's magazine? Maybe not.

"Am I really the unsexiest women in the world? Wow!It's kind of shocking when men...

"It's so brutal in a way, so filled with rage and anger.

"It upset him (Broderick), because it has to do with his judgement too. It's condemnation, it's insane. What can I do?

"I guess you can't please all people."

Not only can you not please all the people, why the fuck should you have to please anyone you don't know and will never meet?
I would just love to see the staff of Maxim, I would love to see candid photos of every single one of them, but especially the feature's editor, he must be an Adonis, a flawless specimen of perfection.
SJP is not everyone's idea of a great beauty, but she appears to be a hardworking, quirky woman of great style. I've never met her so I couldn't tell you whether she is was sexy or not, but then I suspect Maxim staff haven't met her either. Sexy is not just a look. I have met deeply beautiful people with all the personality of a dock leaf, not sexy. Sexy is not just abut image, it's a combination of thing, looks, humour, personality, sultriness, a host of factors that culminates in causing desire. It's is not down to just looks, it is not down to just image.
But all this aside, creating a fucking list and naming a woman 'unsexiest alive' is the most juvenile pathetic heartless piece of peat bog journalism ever. it's designed to hurt, it's designed to sneer, it's designed to be offensive. And that, chumlies is a reflection of a crowd of deeply unsexy fuck wits.
For shame Maxim. What a bunch of jerky jerkwards you have shown yourselves to be. Grow up.



Anonymous sheepworrier said...

Have Maxim readers never heard of Mary Harney?

Completely agree FMC, its an awful way to try and sell magazines and a disgusting mindset, but then again, they're hardly known for their balanced and insightful 'journalism'.
Its a magazine for fellas who are too embarrassed to buy playboy.

10:10 a.m.  
Anonymous nonny said...

That is really awful. People have no morals or compassion when it comes to money, the heartless bastards. You can laugh it off and try gallantly to look like the bigger person but that has to hurt. I wonder what the editors look like. And aren’t they the same people who got in trouble for giving the Black Crowes a bad album review without actually listening to the album?

10:19 a.m.  
Anonymous The Bad Ambassador said...

...or Bibi Baskin?

Agree with both of ye. Why would SJP (or anybody) pay any heed to that kind of rubbish - Maxim is read by imbeciles who think sexiness is defined by legs, tits and ass.

Of course aesthetics have something to do with what men and women find sexy, but I'm sure for most reasonable, mature people intelligence, sense of humour and general personality are more important.

Personally, a sense of humour and a sense of fun are most important to me.

Physically speaking, T&A will never have the same effect as a woman's bare back

There, my fetish has been outed!

10:25 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

They deserve a good swink lopping. I can imagine them tee-heeing as they put the list together, underbrained wannabe teens. sad.

10:40 a.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

Just at the bottom of the spine, where the bum meets the back and some women have 2 wee dimples, BA? Or is it more towards the curve of the shoulders and neck?

Just curious...

10:42 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I haven't seen the article but perhaps they did mean unsexy in more than just a physical way.
It must be US Maxim from the contenders making up most of that top 5 but surely Amy or Britney should be ding-donging it out for the no.1 spot.
If it were a UK list Amy would be pushed into a runner-up spot by Kerry Katona or Jodie Marsh.

10:43 a.m.  
Anonymous nonny said...

May I remind you Mr Sheepy and Mr BA it is Holy Thursday. So less of it gentlemen. Tut tut.

Poor Sarah she should sue them for emotional trauma, give them a tastes of their own medicine.

10:46 a.m.  
Anonymous The Bad Ambassador said...

I'm an equal opportunities back lover sheepworrier.

Alls I know is that I would be far more appreciative of a dress with a low back (or backless!) than one with a plunging neckline.

10:49 a.m.  
Anonymous Babs said...

I've always wanted those dimples but alas it's not to be, I love them! And men have them too.
What kind of gobshites are they to think that an article like that is going to do anyone any good, it was meant to hurt, and why would anyone want to hurt her, she has done nothing only make me envy her for her lovely shoes and bags!

10:50 a.m.  
Anonymous Pinkie said...

I dont think SJP is very good looking, but I still agree with the moral of what you said FMC -- she is most definitely not the unsexiest woman alive. And like sheepworrier pointed out, eh Mary Harney? Heeeeellloooo ? Surely much more unsexy than SJP.

11:06 a.m.  
Anonymous The Bad Ambassador said...

FMC isn't that "beauty is in the eye of the beer holder"?

11:08 a.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

It just shows poor taste and little imagination to come up with interesting reading material. Anyway why on earth would anybody be interested in their opinion on who is unsexy?

11:34 a.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

Ya never know pinkie, maybe Mary Harney is a wee minx in the flesh...

ewwww - Mary Harney's flesh.

11:47 a.m.  
Blogger gimme a minute said...

Do we reckon Mary Harney has dimples in her back?

Just asking.

12:07 p.m.  
Anonymous The Bad Ambassador said...

I don't know about back dimples, but I bet each time you see her outside on Six-One news or addressing a Nurses Conference, she is wearing suspenders and a peep-hole bra underneath the power suit.

12:12 p.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

Hey there, everybody always says so mean things about Mary Harney's looks, I feel sorry for her. You're being as bad as the Maxim lot. Why not be nice today? :)

12:12 p.m.  
Blogger gimme a minute said...

I agree Eva, cheap shots abounding. I just can't afford the expensive ones.

But Harney is evil incarnate and therefore a much more valid target than the relative innocent that is SJP.

12:24 p.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

"relative innocent"!?
Have you seen Sex in the City!?
And they're talking about making a movie of it, for the love of god!

12:55 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

What on this Earth is a holy Thursday? Are all Thursdays holy or just this one? What's so special about it? Do other people know?
Where is my lunch?

1:06 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

If magazines refrained from saying anything about women's bodies and appearances the entire industry would collapse. I felt sad for her when I saw the list but then even more so when I read her response, which was to be concerned about how it reflected on her husband's taste or choice.
You know, because it's all about men afterall. Yack.

1:21 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would sue if I was her.. its possible in America.. If you are reading this SJP take no notice.. all the lads here would do you!

1:23 p.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

Sheepworrier, the movie is out in June -hurrah :)
FMC, I presume Holy Thursday is what the Thursday before Easter is called?
Not that I knew that. English is not my mother tongue and I'm not religious either so to me it's just a normal Thursday.
Wow, three Thursdays -now four - in this comment!
Oh, I'll throw in a few more for good measure:
Thursday, Thursday, Thursday.
Today is Thursday.

1:36 p.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

FMC: Its the day to celebrate the norse god of thunder winning the tiddlywinks contest against jeebus, and thus proving once and for all that Thor is the coolest of all the gods.

Eva: thats horrible, horrible news.

1:41 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

All Thursdays are holy, but only after 5PM, because they hold the sweet promise of Friday.

As to SJP - I always thought she had a rather horsey face and too big a nose to be really "pretty" but sexiness has a lot more to do with brains and attitude. Therefore, she's a hell of a lot sexier than a LOT of the so-called gorgeous women in the biz. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than Pamela Anderson - she's all plastic, and stupidity and bad taste. Yuck.

1:41 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Ah! Sheepie, that explains so much. I was worried there for a while. I thought there were all manner of holy days about the palce I knew nothing about.

1:57 p.m.  
Anonymous nonny said...

Holy Thursday my darling, remembers the feast of the last supper, the washing of feet and such.

Please note I am not a Bible, I remember it from school, plus I drew the short straw when it came to Mass duties with my Granddaddy. Whilst all you good people will be having a lie in tomorrow, I will be doing the Stations of the Cross. Yippie!

1:57 p.m.  
Anonymous nonny said...

"Bible basher" even.

1:59 p.m.  
Blogger Dr. James McInerney said...

Holy Thursday is a celebration of the death of Santa.

And I love back pimples.

Mmmm pimples.

2:18 p.m.  
Anonymous Sam, Problemchildbride said...

The idea that there's only one kind of sexy is ludicrous. I can get turned on by a nice hairy forearm. I've fancied men with wide shoulders, narrow shoulders, big noses, little noses, overweight and underweight. People who think its all about Pam Anderson or Brad Pitt have such little inderstanding of real human beings it's pitiable.

Naming people that a half dozen nasty men deem unsexy is plain vicious. They need punching hard and fast and low.

2:49 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

They most surely do, not that it would make the slightest bit of difference.

2:59 p.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

'pimples' Doc?

Please tell me your 'd' isn't working or are you one of those, lets say 'unusual' persons who like to squeeze other people's pimples?

3:13 p.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

SJP has come a long way

3:21 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Oh God Sheepie, I know folk like that, sick fucks, always offering to squeeze blackheads and spots and bleeeeeee. What the hell is wrong with them?
Major, Worzel is daddy to sean pertwee, who I would NOT throw out of bed form eating crisps.

3:27 p.m.  
Anonymous nonny said...

Jesus Christ, we digress. From SJP to dimples, People squashing other peoples pimples (shudder) to Holy Thursday to Worzel and finally to eating crisps whilst on the job. I hope to God I’m not bullied into confession tomorrow for if there is a God, she will suerly strike me down.

3:44 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

FMC did you see the list of unsexy male stars that someone made up in response to Maxim?

3:51 p.m.  
Anonymous Sam, Problemchildbride said...

I just Googled Sean Pertwee, then ogled him, and now I'm left with no -gle verbs to describe what I'd like to do to him. None that I'm willing to write out loud, anyway.

I never got a look at his forearms, mind, but frankly I wouldn't care if he had forearms made of uncooked dough. He's delicious.

4:18 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

It's the circle of life Nonny. Food, sex and the other one.
Medbh, I did not but I shall rectify that anon.
Sam I wouldn't mind oogling his googlies any time neither. We may have to battle this one out. What do you suggest? I'll be packing my very best blunderbuss, or we could go super butch and climb atop a greasy pole complete with large cotton buds? What do you reckon? Winner gets a pertwee in a pear tree.

4:44 p.m.  
Anonymous Pinkie said...

DIBS ON PERTWEE!! Oh God I have loved him for many a mooooon... did you see him in that movie about surfing? Blue Juice? With Catherine Zeta Jones? oh Christ he is hot in that movie.

4:54 p.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

And like oh my god, wasn't he just like sooo dreamy in Equilibrium, I'd totally let him hold my hand and stuff, teeheehee!

5:00 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Sheet, this could be quite the battle.

5:12 p.m.  
Anonymous nonny said...

Sean looks like a ruffian or old or something. Not my cup of tea. Everytime you looked at him you'd laugh, imagine little babies that looked like their Grandpa with straw hair and no teeth.

The beer shop beckons. Have a splendid Easter. I hope the honey bunny brings you all lots of truly scrumptious Easter eggs.

5:23 p.m.  
Anonymous Sam, Problemchildbride said...

You're on, sistah!

(Thinks to self) Hmm, that fmc's a fighter. I'd better inbue my giant cotton bud paddles with ether such as one might find a chemical in a dirty bomb, only this will be a giant dirty cotton-bud. With one bud-waft she shall immediately fall asleep and off the greasy pole, then I'll double back to smack Pinkie with my paddle, punch sheepworrier super-butchly and win my Pertwee's hand and forearm and lovely shoulders and...

*Falls of greasy pole*

5:24 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Have a good one Nonny.

AHA! Memnoch was correct, too much thinking leaves the fighter vulnerable to pole slippage and all manner of ills, I mock your puny grip Sam free Pertwee and hold a loft my ear cleaner of victory and...

Suffers wallop on back of head from a stealth Sheepie.

Memnoch also might have mentioned something about not gloating until AFTER battle. Quick! to the rope ladder.

5:33 p.m.  
Anonymous Sam, Problemchildbride said...

What the...?

Mock my puny gip at your peril, fmc, for while you are all running to the rope-ladder, I am speed-dialing my hench-squirrels who are at this very moment now gnawing like the wind through the top of the rope-ladder. Bwahahahahahaha!

*Thunder and lightening flashing all around me while Sazorsky's Night On A Bare Mountain blares fear into your much less weather-controlling souls*

5:57 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

eeep! Lucky I have my newly polished ring. By the power of Greystroke! Snarha! Now I have body armour and Puddy is a Tigress. Avast hebridean Hussy, prepare to be bibbly bobbled.
Puddy! stop blowing out while I stick your saddle on. Mighty bounds require safety and structure.

6:03 p.m.  
Anonymous Pinkie said...

*runs off with Pertwee while Sam & FMC Fight*

Oh the naughty things that man would do with a woman's body...

6:47 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Steady on Pinkie, let's leave him with a man's body. and oi!

6:52 p.m.  
Anonymous Pinkie said...

.... TO a woman's body. Now there's a typo worth blushing over.

7:00 p.m.  
Blogger Dr. James McInerney said...

Oh, you were really talking about dimples? Eeeew. Perverts.

7:36 p.m.  
Anonymous Sam, Problemchildbride said...



Take that you feisty feline! You cannot escape on your puddy steed for I have stolen your riding helmet! Ha!

Now watch as I lob a sparkling faucet at you, rear up on my magnificent hoover mount and press ON, deploying my extension hose and sucking Pertwee right out of the grasp of the fleeing Pinkie and back to me...

And then peer off in the distance, shove Pertwee towards fmc "Erp, I've changed my mind, you can have him for I'm off to seduce Alan Rickman!!! Who's just over there! Look!

Race ya, suckahs!


8:10 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Well stone me, me ould triangle went Jingle Jangle. You wait until Andraste hears of you pawing her Rickman, she'll have your hide.

8:18 p.m.  
Anonymous laughykate said...

Holy Thursday??? I just don't get it. But I don't need to cause it's
Good Friday down here right now and you know what that means? HOT CROSS BUNS. Yippee.

As for SJP, I reckon those lists are just published by wannabes who never willbes.I think, in order to publish those lists, there should a page of photos of the people who decided them. Then we could have a hoot. I do agree about Medbh said about what she said about her husband. That's creepy.

And would you two stop fighting? You're going to wreck the furniture.

8:31 p.m.  
Anonymous Sam, Problemchildbride said...

But she'll be too late for he shall have fallen in love with me by then on account of my charms, like, and when that doesn't work I still have some ether, some rope and a house in the country with a South facing ornamental penguin a la Kathy Bates. Curiously, the secret ingredient in my meatloaf is also fresh, not canned tomatoes.


9:18 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

"Her meatloaf brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like 'it's better than yours', damn right it's better than yours I could teach you but I'd have to charge."

But oh no, not Kellis, but to Peter Griffen.

LK Medbh was bang on, if that was me I'd be pissed about the insult, I wouldn't be worry a damn about the paramour's sensibilities. Either way, it was still a shitty thing of Maxim to do, but by all accounts they are a bunch of middle-aged sk8tor wanaabes. Like, dudes, girls are icky, let's totally rag on them and call them names and stuff!

9:30 p.m.  
Anonymous Sam, Problemchildbride said...

You have unmasked me as so desperately fucking uncool that I may as well just pull on my granny knickers and my mom pants now, and join a lawn bowling league.

I didn't have the first clue what in hell that last comment was about. I googled "meatloaf brings the boys to the yard" and eventually got to Kellis and her milkshakes, having completely missed the Kellis you wrote there in plain view.

Then I found it in the urban dictionary

Then I had to google Peter Griffen.

I would kill myself but i would probably do it in a manner that was 10 years out of date.

Dear God, what has happened to me? I know nothing. I am so depressingly unwith-it.

Excuse me while I go now and offer a teenager an orange and 10p for a mixture at the shop.

Bloody hell.

11:22 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Snarf, Sam, check this one out.

12:10 a.m.  
Anonymous Sam, Problemchildbride said...


4:01 a.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

What the hell was that?
Last thing I remember was getting bopped in the face by some giant cotton-bud thing (with a faint smell of ethanol) as i was putting on my cup.
Sneaky fighters...

As for Alan Rickman...

9:37 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I'll get you for this Sheepie!

9:55 a.m.  
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