Wednesday, June 11, 2008

My milkshake bring all the boys the yard.

"Breastfeeding is said to benefit both mother and baby in the first six months of a babies life, but mother-of-two Stella Onions has taken this to the extreme as she continues to nurse daughter Josephine, nearly five and a half, and her little brother Zac, who is almost four, with her 'mummy milk'.

Stella Onions, 45, believes her daughter and son are currently some of the oldest in Britain still having their mother's milk.

Comedy characters like Bitty in Little Britain might make people uncomfortable - but Stella said the benefits for her two offspring were definitely worth the time she spends nursing.

She said: "My children's friends have seen them at my breast. They both come and ask for 'mummy milk'. But nobody says anything bad about it. Nature sorts it out for you.

She said: "Lots off studies have been done. And in general, babies fed on formula are more likely to get gastric infections and urinary and respiratory problems. Some studies even suggest that there is an increased risk of certain childhood cancers.

"Also women who don't breastfeed have a higher risk of developing breast and ovarian cancer and rheumatoid arthritis.

"When you breastfeed your body releases a feel good hormone which calms the mother and current research is investigating if it helps with post natal depression."

Stella, who is married to Andy, a computer games designer, and lives in Ludlow, Shropshire, also home schools her children and admits she has time to spend nursing them each morning and evening."

Erp Missus Onions, your children are not babies. Seriously, if your children are old enough to chew steak it's probably time to stop breast-feeding them. Taken in squirmy squeee from the daily wail



Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Onions in milk are meant to be a good 'cure' for some ailments. But milk in Onions...?

2:57 p.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

And she home schools them as well... did they forget to cut the umbilical cord?

2:57 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

What does it cure Conan?

Eva, she probably fried it and ate it.

2:59 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

Who says that you need to spend every fucking waking moment with your kids?
It's not healthy.

2:59 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

I'm not sure, I think it's for bronchial (I almost said chest) infections and the like.

3:01 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I know medbh, I'd go bat shit insane.

Conan, do you drink it? Or rub it on?

3:04 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

You boil them in the milk, then drink. It's said to sweat a cold out of you.

3:05 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Ta! That makes more sense. And Yack.
Golly, I wonder how these kids will feel when they're older knowing Mummy and her Milky Ways were all over the place.

3:09 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

They'll be unable to leave home and will have to be home colleged as well.

3:14 p.m.  
Anonymous morgor said...

did anyone else see that half ton dad program?

The fattest teenager in the world had an overprotective mother like this.

She installed a fridge within arms reach of his sofa in his room and makes him constant snacks.

3:28 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I didn't see it Morgor, I did see half a ton mum though, blogged it here,

3:50 p.m.  
Blogger Dr. James McInerney said...

Poaching smoked haddock or smoked coley in milk with Onions is lovely. Maybe a little pepper in there too.

4:57 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

Think about how painful it is, too. I've heard many women complain about cracked and bleeding nips.

5:12 p.m.  
Blogger JL Pagano said...

I wonder if nature can sort her out with a straight jacket.

5:18 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Seriously, she must have nips of steel.

5:20 p.m.  
Anonymous problemchildbride said...

She's having herself on if she thinks she's doing this for her kids. She's doing it for herself. By infantilising them she's not letting them grow up, which inevitably means growing away from her. All parents have to deal with their kids growing up and needing them less. She's just unwilling to let her's.

Also, eeeeew!

5:25 p.m.  
Anonymous problemchildbride said...

Simmering a clove studded onion in milk is the basis for bread sauce. I would never eat anything given to me in that household. Blee.

5:27 p.m.  
Anonymous problemchildbride said...

You know what you've done now - again - you've enstucked that bloody milkshake song in my head. I've been singing it all morning.

6:23 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Heh, sorry darling!

6:28 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Yeah, me too. I might write milkshake instead of X in the 'No' box tomorrow.

7:12 p.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

Ew.Ew.Yickety yak. Gak.Gak.Gak. I've just had to bypass the milk in my coffee this morning.

And as for her children's teeth? Wouldn't they have rotted by now?

10:28 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Snarf LK! Why would they rot? She's not dispensing coke or Ribena. Or do you know something I don't about boobjuice?

10:36 p.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

A friend of mine told me that a friend of hers who had been breast feeding her child till said child was three or four, was devastated when she discovered that that child's teeth had to be removed as they'd rotted due to the breastmilk. Isn't it jammed full of sweet stuff?

I also have a vague feeling the child was allowed to sleep in same bed as mother and get take out whenever child desired, which could also have something to do with it.

Oh hell, I now need another espresso.

10:54 p.m.  
Blogger John Mc said...


12:05 a.m.  
Blogger Alleged Comedian said...

This woman is uglier than a Jerry Springer dvd boxset, and it is my opinion that were it not for her sprogs dangling earnestly from her repugnant funbags, she would get no action at all.

12:50 a.m.  
Blogger Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Stella, who is married to Andy, a computer games designer>

A "computer games designer", eh.

That explains much.

3:01 a.m.  
Anonymous problemchildbride said...


Who will rid me of this troublesome fucking song?

It's the bloody ear-worm of all ear-worms.

5:05 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

It occurs to me her husband might like her milky baps.
Actually forget it, It's too early in the morning.

8:43 a.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...


1:37 p.m.  
Blogger daisy mae said...

FMC, you need to start putting up a warning before posts like these - it churned my stomach while eating breakfast.... i couldn't finish my soymilk!

sam, i can't sing the milkshake song anymore, ever since i bought a t-shirt that said 'my marxist feminist dialect brings all the boys to the yard'.... so much more cumbersome, so much more witty, and so much more entertaining to watch others try to figure out 'what it means'......

4:35 p.m.  
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Anonymous Tom said...

Heh, sorry darling!

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