Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Slimming knickers, big fat joke.




Observe, the latest weapon in the war on fat. Women! Pay heed. Forget diets, forget exercise. Rush out and buy the fat-busting inch reducing robo knickers. Why just for god knows how many of your hard earned pounds you too can squeeze yourself into the above contraption, wear it comfortably under your work or leisure clothes and VOILA! instant transformation.
Keep an eye out for next year's AMAZING product the MUMMYYUMMYISER! For just plenty of your hard earned pounds and Euros you will soon be able to swaddle your ENTIRE body from head to toe!! Slicing INCHES from your neck, arms, back AND bottoms!!
So ditch those potentially embarrassing and time consuming gym sessions, forget unworkable and tearful diets,( insert imagine of tearful woman and piece of limp lettuce) ignore those pesky people with their tedious talk of life style changes and eating plans,( insert photo of Hitler) you know it's all hooey. Why, if EVERYONE could lose weight that way then EVERYONE would be thin, right? Science* now proves that with the right amount of lyrca and persistence you too can be a svelte sally, a godess of gorgeousness. Embrace the wrap and let the wrap embrace you!!!



* Combined with Lipotrim, results are to DIE for.
(Disclaimer: squashing yourself into robo knickers might only disguise fat)

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58 Comments:

Blogger Unknown said...

Does it come in Lilac?

10:14 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is it wrong that I find that picture sexy? Yes? Oh dear.

10:33 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I built a database about a year ago for recording Lipotrim usage. The project was codenamed the race against waist.

10:33 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is interesting that they market the garment on a slim model who would never need one. If they showed it on the real deal, there'd be a squishy muffin top and great jelly rolls out of the bottom of the leg! Not sexy at all (unless you are an Arab gentleman!)

11:12 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Conan if it does I know someone who'll bulk order.

Sheepie, yes.

PS, hehe, but be careful, the 'tirmers' are a particularly scary bunch.

Shebah! exactly. The power of advertising compels them.

11:19 a.m.  
Blogger Unknown said...

What, you mean the woman in the pic isn't 5'2" and a size 16?

No!!

11:32 a.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

But it's all got to go somewhere..........surely? Or are humans made different these days? Agree with Shebah...wouldn't the squashed in bits just spill over the top and down the side, like really thick, but a-touch-too- heavy icing?

11:52 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

'Apparently' wearing this garment all day everyday for a number of weeks practically WHITTLES the fat off you. INCHES disappear as if by magic.
Frankly I'm goig to give up the gym. I've always been inherently lazy, but self preservation and fear of turning into the Lilac Couch made me less so, but if I can WITTLE inches off by just wearing that contraption then whoo and indeed hoo. I wonder does it help shave time off marathons? I bet it can.

12:08 p.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

Does it make you cook better as well?

12:17 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Why yes! Yes it does. And aslo you can see in the dark when you wear them. Possibly a very good thing as you struggle to the loo at eleventy past three in the am.

12:24 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so it's basically like an advanced corset?

would it not be quite uncomfortable?

Maybe the way it works is that it squishes your belly so much that it's uncomfortable to eat.

1:13 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

No no, it actually reduces fat by changing the molecular structure of it. Remarkable ain't it?
As for comfort, who needs comfort when they've got magic pants?

1:16 p.m.  
Blogger Cycles Goff said...

I want! I want!

They do them for men, right?

1:55 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Nope, only us Ladies get the pleasure of molecular zapping magic pants.

2:08 p.m.  
Blogger Megan McGurk said...

Painful!
Where's the cone shaped bra to complete that 1950s look, FMC?

Gimme, they do make corsets for men. They look just as sad.

2:19 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Are they molecular zapping though? I'd say Gimmie would ONLY be interested in them if they were magic.

2:24 p.m.  
Blogger Cycles Goff said...

Damn straight. From now on it's magic pants or nothing for this moleculed man.

2:40 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I don't know I can hear music to that.

2:43 p.m.  
Blogger daisy mae said...

oh damn. i didn't realize that they were 'molecular fat-zapping pants'. i thought they were the 'oh crap, i don't *quite* fit into this dress and i've got to be out the door in an hour' type last-minute fix deals.

so does this mean i can stop running, swimming, and biking? and can i get one for the dog, so i don't have to walk him as well?

who THINKS of these things?

4:51 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Must be scientists, I mean who ELSE could possibly be so creative.

5:01 p.m.  
Blogger daisy mae said...

ouch! but i'm a scientist, and i would never ever do this!

damn molecular thinning tights - giving some of us a bad name!

5:03 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A long time ago I fell foul of the tummy squashing knicker advertising and wore a pair to a college ball. All I can say is that between mashing my bladder to the size of a pea and the obvious difficulty of getting the bloody knickers on and off the only dancing I did that night was in the loo. As you would say... Robo knickers... I'm against them!

9:01 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

But was your fat zapped? I mean did the science dazzle you silly?

9:49 p.m.  
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