Thursday, October 16, 2008

The Skeptic's Dilemma.

I have a pal I have lunch with every couple of weeks. We've known each other since school and although we are not buddy buddies I am inordinately fond of her and we always have a very pleasant time when we meet up.
But she threw me for a loop on our last lunch when she tried to introduce me to the concept of 'other plains.'
Now I have an abiding and pretty full on dislike of all things woo, but despite that I am not a gal that goes to woo sites on a regular basis mocking and going 'na na ni nah na youse are quern stoopid.' I just don't. That would be rude. I try to limit my intolerance of bollocks to my own site and occasionally snorting out loud when ever I am forced to endure woo related bollocksology.
Anyway this gal isn't stupid-in fact she's engagingly clever- and we had a robust to-ing and fro-ing of arguments and it was all done in a particular light hearted way.
But this morning this book landed on my mat. With a cheery card suggesting that I read it with an 'open mind'.
I turned said book over and took a gander. The very first few line on the blurb are thus...
" What would you do if you were sitting quietly in your living room when a mysterious couple appeared from out of nowhere- and then told you they were "ascended masters" who had come to reveal some shocking secrets of existence and teach you the miraculous powers of advanced forgiveness? Call a psychiatrist? Call out for pizza?
When two such teachers appeared before Gary Renard in 1992, he chose to listen to them ( and ask a lot of impertinent questions). The result is this startling book: and extraordinary record of 17 mind bending conversations that took place over nearly a decade, reorienting the author's life and giving the world an uncompromising introduction to a spiritual teaching destined to change human history"

Well. What would I do? Firstly I'd probably call my editor and fire him, right after I put down my crack pipe and called out for pizza. After that I might have some more questions.
But that's if two such 'ascended masters' appeared. Right now my questions are more salient.
Do I
A) read this tome with an 'open mind' as my good friend suggests?
B) Have some buttery toast?
C) Go to Aldi?
D) Read this tome with a highly critical mind, ring up my friend and berate her for introducing my delicate morning self to a man who thinks typing a sentence like 'You don't choose cancer on this level and more than a baby chose to be deformed on this level. Illness was made by your mind at a larger level.' might be the winning formula is understanding the universe and grabing the hearts an minds of the people who inhabit it?
Questions, questions.
I will however make more coffee. Hopefully I won't snort any more of it out of my nose.

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40 Comments:

Anonymous Green Ink said...

You know you'll just get annoyed. Don't waste your time. It'll read better when it's recycled as toilet paper.

10:12 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Go have bacon and eggs you say? Capital idea Green Ink, capital.

10:29 a.m.  
Blogger John Braine said...

Know the feeling. I have a friend who's into all kinds of hippy stuff. And of course I don't slag her off or anything. But when she asked if I would like my aura massaged, I thought that was a step too far and had to politely tell her that I *really* don't have any time for that stuff, it makes her happy grand but I don't want anything to do with it.

Your friend has thrown down the gauntlet. I think it's time to set her straight without upsetting her.

p.s. What's a gauntlet?

11:10 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Gauntlet's a glove innit?
Massaging auras? How might one go about that?

11:19 a.m.  
Blogger John Braine said...

>Massaging auras?
>How might one go about that?

With a big pair of gauntlets?

11:22 a.m.  
Anonymous Green Ink said...

With psychic vaseline.

11:24 a.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

With the new wilkonson automatic aura massager 3000, now with 5 spiritual woo-pads!

11:30 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

woo-nderfully relaxing.

12:06 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

You know Sheepie, your paddles make me think of the cardio machines (dephibulators sp?) they put on folk when their hearts stop. I always though it was the electric surge/shock that got the heart to beat again. But clearly they are designed to pump the woo back into your body when it's deflated.

12:26 p.m.  
Blogger gimme a minute said...

She knows your feelings, this kind of pushy act is an imposition that should be nipped in the bud.

You close-minded, know-nothing know-it-all, you.

12:28 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

A passive aggressive attack on moi? Surely not, but I'm so easy going and delightful and untroubled by the world.

12:39 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

Anyone even TRIES to touch my aura, there'll be hell to pay on all 'levels.'

Levels...fucksake.

12:41 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

They would have 'chosen' that punishment Andraste, and in a metaphysical plain you would be delivering it right on time.

12:56 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

Face it, FMC.
Your friend has crossed over to the dark side of superstition and woo.
I'm with Gimme in viewing her "gift" as a sign of disrespect.

1:05 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Nah, she's a good girl and I think genuinely believes all the woo and can't quite wrap her head around folk like me who function sans other worldly crutches. I imagine she believes I'll read this book and a light will of 'bing' over my head.
But read it I will, and may marmalade save me.

1:28 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

The section on 'raising the dead' should be especially helpful to me.

1:37 p.m.  
Blogger gimme a minute said...

The pally banter with his spiritual guide is really very entertaining:

PURSAH: Hey, teacher of God. What’s up?

GARY: If I told you, you’d slap my face.

PURSAH: Did we forget to take our anti-smart ass pill this morning?

GARY: Just joking.


I'm only joking! Don't lightning bolt me!

and

GARY: I don’t suppose you’re gonna tell me about the lifetime Arten is helping me in?

PURSAH: Let’s work on this one, hotshot.


It's just like Point Break, but with less surfing and more profound life-changing revelations.

1:52 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Point Break! Har. I like how when they appeared in his living room first and started talking he was all, 'You want to run that by me again.' No running screaming from the house, not so much as a 'who are you two and how did you get in here?'
You've got to go see if you can find the predictions pages. They are REMARKABLE.

1:57 p.m.  
OpenID grimsaburger said...

Maybe it's this election that's got my panties in a wad, but I've about had it with someone insisting someone else who clearly has different beliefs consider their position "with an open mind." It smacks of the worst kind of evangelism, and it's simply insulting. Depending on my mood, I'd point out to the book fairy just how insulting such a gesture was.

Harumph.

2:24 p.m.  
Blogger gimme a minute said...

You'll be shocked to learn that he isn't giving the good stuff away for free.

And it would be wrong of you to share them with us without extracting some sort of tithe to send directly to Mr. Gary.

2:33 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

It's the long distance running Grims, I am disproportionately mild mannered at the moment.

Gimmie, but surely a man such as this- with no agenda and only the simple need to offer spiritual enlightenment- wouldn't dibble dabble with the filthy lucre, would he?

2:44 p.m.  
Blogger gimme a minute said...

Only to do good works, Ms Cat. To enable the spreading of the word and other equally selfless spreadings.

2:49 p.m.  
Anonymous problemchildbride said...

Your pal has gone bonkers. Drive her to a long-term-care facility for the mad and dribbly, and leave her there until she has regained control of her own mind.

I have friends like that, and though evangelizing and irritating, they mean no harm, in fact they mean well. Annoying as they can be, the intent behind it does matter, especially with a long friendship.

This is why you must remain wordless as you drive her to the looney-bin. Any conversation with your old pal and you will start to weaken. Oh she may look like her old self, but she is not. Her head has been taken over by other nut-jobs and they are in there whispering lies to her. They must be pried out of her brain with a grappling iron through the ear if need be.

Or you could send her a book called "Woo, Debunked" or something.

Best luck, fmc. She'll thank you in the long run.

2:49 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Gimmie, he's the veritable Marmite of Enlightenment.
'Woo- debunked'. I like it Sam Sam you am, I like it boy-howdy. I will need contributors. And possibly donations of some kind.

2:55 p.m.  
Blogger morgor said...

you should try and convert her to mormonism and when she says

"but fatmammycat, i thought you despised this sort of bullshit"

You reply :

" i do, now stop trying to foist your hippy crap on me."

3:41 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Oh I don't know Morgor, what if she likes the idea of magical underpants? What of Captain Marmite then? She might conflate the two. That's just it with woo, it unwieldy.

3:47 p.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

Convert her to gingerism. It's the only way she'll see the (rusty-orange coloured) light.

4:51 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Oh Sheepie, when I am Queen you'll be my trusty non-mutilated Hench Person of Great Importance and fully licensed to carry an axe.

5:12 p.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

Ya-what?!!!!!!!!!!

Do people read that shit?
No, do people publish that shit?
No, do people write that shit?

Someone has to be taking SERIOUS amounts of shit here, surely?

11:17 p.m.  
Blogger Manuel said...

do b and d......then repeat b......

12:01 a.m.  
Anonymous problemchildbride said...

Never trust a website with dawn-tinted cloud panoramas.

1:57 a.m.  
Blogger morgor said...

Oh Sheepie, when I am Queen you'll be my trusty non-mutilated Hench Person of Great Importance and fully licensed to carry an axe.

haha does everyone have little delusions of being king or queen of the world?

I already have my personal bodyguard, jester and concubines chosen.

10:40 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

'Delusions'??

11:05 a.m.  
Blogger morgor said...

A jest my Queen. *nervous titter*

12:51 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

That's more like it.*




* puts away blunderbuss, ponders eating roast swan.

2:32 p.m.  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

How are you with magnetic woo to help bloodflow and cure any number of ailments? I was asked to review one recently (see blog)

2:33 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I'll be right over!

3:50 p.m.  
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