Monday, October 06, 2008

Well Duh.

I was driving back form lunch yesterday when I overheard a sentence so fucking stupid I immediately invoked a Twentyism.
The piece I was listening to on Today Fm was about the 'Mosquito.' . For those who have never heard of the mosquito it is a high pitched sound aimed at deterring groups of teenagers from hanging about.
Some witless boobie said that a shop or warehouse or whatever employing one of these devices might in fact be causing 'assault' on precious teenage ears, as it 'was subjecting them to a sound against their will.'
Have you EVER heard a more vacuous thought expressed? 'Subjecting them to a sound against their will.'
The radio in the kitchen is currently paying, 'If you need need a plumber in the Liberties...11, 11 8 11, Eircom, 11, 8, 11.' Can I call Eircom up and accuse them of assaulting me and my ears by playing that dreadful bloody song? Aren't all of us subjected to sound against our will on a regular basis?
I know teenagers, as far as I am aware most of them have two perfectly working appendages called legs. If you're standing about somewhere and a sound pisses you off you can ENGAGE those things called legs and move off. Thus saving yourself from 'assault' and making the shop keeper happy that his favourite Euros were spent rather wisely.
This is EXACTLY what is wrong in this country, namby mamby claptrap. Oh, their poor widdle ears. Assuming they haven't already gone deaf from permanent attachment to iPods and mobile phones, 'assault from a mosquito' must be unbearable. Or, you know, maybe it isn't.



Anonymous sheepworrier said...

I want a portable one of those things, just to walk down the city centre and immediately clear the place of all the wee spides. Well, its either that or a shotgun rampage.

9:57 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Hah, a scatter gun approach.
Most of the kids round here are harmless little sods, but I can understand the frustrations of shopkeepers and so on if their premises is a favourite haunt. Gangs of teenagers can be quote intimidating.

10:04 a.m.  
Blogger PI said...

I agree with you. Utter b------s!

10:40 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

It's an assault all right, Pat, an assault on bloody common sense.

10:41 a.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

'was subjecting them to a sound against their will.'

'Do your homework!'
'Tidy your room!'
'Stop being an ungrateful little shit!'
'No, you can't!'

I think it could be argued that there are lots of 'sounds against teenage wills'.

10:52 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

'Get off the bloody phone!'
'Stop assaulting my sense of entitlement!'

11:01 a.m.  
Blogger jothemama said...

Ah, I see the War against Teenagers is coming along nicely.

My daughter is 5 and is already displaying alarmingly adolescent behaviours. She has been for years, really.

11:51 a.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

"Stop telling me what to do! It's sooo unfair! I HATE YOU"

*hand hovers over big red button labelled MOSQUITO*...

12:27 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

War against Teenagers, or WAT. is a bit like War against Rain, sort of pointless, you'll never beat them. Best any of us can hope for is just to corral them into places until they hit 18 and magically transform into adults.

Hee, five year olds are quite a handful.

12:35 p.m.  
Anonymous stipes said...

7 year old grandson
"so what"
"I don't care"
teenagers are getting younger

12:39 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...


"What do you mean, 'Stuff'?"

*concerned FMC has been reading too much DailyWail*

12:43 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Och the Daily Wail has nawthin' on me in the car, listening to the radio. I am positively Meldrew-like.

Clearly I ought to stop listening to the radio.

12:50 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Yup, stop before it tips you over to the dark side. Or the next thing you know you'll hear that particular tone in your voice and realise it's the very same as her Lilac Sofaness.

1:09 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...


1:29 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

You know it's true... read that post to yourself in your mother's voice and see how close you've become, if unconsciously.

1:52 p.m.  
Anonymous problemchildbride said...

In Australia they use piped Barry Manilow

"Councillors hope piping Manilow hits such as Mandy and Copacabana through a loudspeaker into a car park troublespot will kill the atmosphere and force the youths to move on."

3:23 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

We were on the subway packed with teenagers going to a protest for legalizing the mary jane a while back and I had my teeth clenched waiting for trouble to start.

It made me feel sooooo old.

3:53 p.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

PCB: They'll just be replacing teenagers with roving gangs of middle-aged women...

4:19 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

Funny- this made me think of the buzzing fly sound whenever the little demon street hockey kids appeared in "Dogma."

4:28 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I think listening to 'Oh Mandy' would be enough to drive off anyone.
True story, the airforce used to use Tina Turner's Simply the Best to scare birds off the runways.

5:16 p.m.  

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