Age, Lies and Downright Nonsense.
Becranked, fuzzy headed and feeling my age it was with mucho guffawing that I discovered this article in the daily wail this morning. I thought I was just getting older, turns out I'm just suffering from a disease. Quick, get up, run into a nearby bathroom and take a gawk in the mirror. Do you have this terrible disease too?
Oh blessed diseases, where would we be without you? Obesity= disease, alcoholism= disease, boinking people who are not your significant other on a regular basis = disease, anorexia= disease, gambling= disease, and now aging= disease.
Oh thank marmalade. I thought getting older was a natural thing, rather like breathing and hating meetings. But clearly I was wrong. We can CURE it. Because obviously it's truly awful getting older. It's repugnant, shameful, a thing to be hidden and lied about. We must secret it away, blanket over it. Lie about it. What of our worth? It goes down with each sag and line. I mean it must, right? There's a whole fucking industry out there telling you so. 'Reduce the signs of aging!!' You too can look VISIBLY younger!!'
I don't know how I caught this wretched disease. But now that it has been identified I can address the issue. I'll drink the kool aid, buy the potions and lotions. I'll battle on and attend meetings with like minded sufferers.
'Hi, I'm Fatmammycat and I'm, I'm...35.'
'Whoo hoo, sing it sister.'
I can beam, relieved to be with other age sufferers. We can help each other overcome it. If Cher can turn back time I can too. So can you. So can everybody.
Aging, so shocking, so sinful, so contagious.
Update: I've just noticed Gimmie is back, this has brightened a pretty gloomy sort of morning some what. Now if only some one would magic me up some breakfast I might even crack out a smile.
Labels: Age. People.