Thursday, November 27, 2008

High heels for babies.

Remember that time I got all cross and judgy about some woman offering high heel aerobic classes? remember I was all, 'bah, this shit is stupid, high heels are a terrible idea but we wear them, but let's face it, they throw all your weight to the front and are probably damaging to spines and let's not forget bunions and blah blah chee-di-rah...'
Remember? No?
Well smack my lady patch Babs, as bad as all that I was super super astounded by THIS!

Yes folks, just what every parent has been waiting for, high heels designed for babies. Yes babies, those little biological loopers that have trouble staying upright the best of times.

"The makers describe the shoes, which are for infants aged up to six months, as "sassy heels" for babies.

The designers say they had 'fun, hilarity and glamour' in mind when they created the shoes.

They are marketing as a first high heel for baby girls.

Priced at £19.99 they are designed to look exactly like a pair of shoes worn by adult women.

The US makers - Heelarious - have produced designs in pink, black and even leopard or zebra-skin prints."

Sweet jebus.



Blogger Darragh said...

the shoes, which are for infants aged up to six months

People who buy the heels are perfectly normal mums who are either interested in fashion or just recognise how fun the shoes are.

Oh sweet jebus is right. You couldn't have picked a better tag for this post.

8:42 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Zactly, nothing says fun fun fun more than a toddler/baby wearing leopard print satin high heels. Let the sexualization of our babies commence!

8:55 a.m.  
Blogger morgor said...

Well smack my lady patch Babs


Give Melvin a tickle for me

9:07 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Melvin's getting too big for his boots, I feel. Clearly he needs a good soaking to put him back in his place.
Weeken's a comin' Melvin, you best watch yo'self, uh-huh.
(Plus we bought a cocktail mixer during the week. How DANGEROUS do I think that's gonna be, it's supposed to be for Christmas, but surely common sense would suggest we need a few practice spins)

9:12 a.m.  
Blogger Irish Mammy said...

This is so ridiculous! My 18 month old wears flat runners and trips and bumps his head so often I am thinking of buying him a helmet. I can't imagine babies in high heels!
What's next baby lingerie?

10:18 a.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

Finally they come up with something that the world has been missing! I bet this will really change the lives of millions of babies all over the world. Hallelujah.

10:18 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I like ti Irish Mammy, what are we mising out on, push up bras perhaps, nappy thongs? Babies first belly button piercing?

Eva, rejoice indeed.Huzzah for heelarity.

10:24 a.m.  
Blogger morgor said...


ugh. I make myself feel ill.

10:39 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

That IS gross Morgor, but you can be sure the makers of 'baby heels' wouldn't see the link.
It's just more bullshit isn't it? Fuck, why can't children just BE children for a few years, why do so many people feel the need to sexualize them or force them to adopt an adult look or tone. Yack, yack to the core.

10:52 a.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

I blame that US TV show I've never watched... Sex in the Shitty Nappy, is that what it's called?

11:15 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Lipstick Junglegym?

11:29 a.m.  
Anonymous Ronnie said...

If one cannot torture one's own children, then, pray tell me, who's chilren can one torture ?

11:44 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Your neighbours?
I am a bad person, I must be because I swear to god sometimes my leg twitches when loud childen run past me. For a SPLIT second I can see myself sticking my leg out and watching as they fly through the air and smack!
Of course I never do it, but it troubles me ever so slightly that I can even think about it.

11:48 a.m.  
Anonymous Ronnie said...

Kids seem to know I don't like them anyway and avoid me like the plague.
As I said before ,Children are like farts, you can just about stand your own.

11:53 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Heh, I don't dislike children, I just don't like noise.

12:04 p.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

My ex was happily walking along in a supermarket once, carrying a bag with a big watermelon. He was looking for something and was humming along to a tune in his head. POW! Suddenly the bag of watermelon hit something - he looked over and a little 2-year-old kid was on the floor - some melon-to-melon action right there....
He got a shitty look from the father of the child.

12:20 p.m.  
Blogger morgor said...

ha, I've done the same once or twice.

walking along looking at things at eye level . . . and then blasting a child across the floor with my knee. . .

Luckily I hate children so i didn't feel guilty.

12:32 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Poor children, we're monsters.

12:40 p.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

Hey at least we're not strapping them in high heels!

12:52 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

hmm, that is very true, I retract my objections to our monstery intentions.

1:47 p.m.  
Anonymous Babs said...

I am actually frightened by this, what the fuck are they thinking? Really? And you know how many brainless parents will buy these, like the parents who buy their children t-shirts with "sexy" emablazoned over the front of it, really intelligent.
Look at the angle of the childs ankle as well, you are not supposed to put ANY shoes on babies, they don't need them, because they are not walking.

2:05 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Babs DAHLINK, what on EARTH gave you the impression there was any 'thinking' behind this? Sure don't you know balancing babies on precarious heels is perfectly heelarious, like seriously.

2:08 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

What a boon for the pedophiles. A baby or toddler in 'fuck-me' heels? Wu-heyyyyyyyy!

Wrong on every single level I can think of and some I can't. I count 16.

2:15 p.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

I think the heels will probably be great for when they dance the cha-cha-cha

2:16 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

With regards to paedophiles you can see it now Andraste. It heads to court. 'yer honor, look at the way the baby was dressed, she was asking or it.'
Blee to a thousand times blee.

2:17 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Bah, I have to go and buy bricks. This is NOT what I had planned for the afternoon.
Bricks. pfft.

2:18 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Chimley bricks?

2:24 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

For the fireplace, I've got to raise the hearth. And inexplicably have no bricks to do so. BAH!

2:32 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Proper heat tolerant, clay-fired bricks then... none of that colouredy concrete shite.

2:35 p.m.  
Anonymous Penelope_CA said...

So where is infant lingere to go with the infant high heels?? I'm sure someone somewhere will come up with that because after all, it's "only for laughs".

Heelarious?? I think not.

I'm the first to coo at wee ones and go ga-ga over how cute their wee booties and tiny buttons are but babies are not dress-up dolls... let alone sexualised with some adult fashion fetish.

I also LOATHE those frilly headbands. Horrid things just so parents can rest assured their wee princess won't be mistaken for a boy. As if the purple/pink/glitter/lace the baby is already dressed in didn't give it away.

4:16 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

er, 59 cent from homebase, but now you have me worried. Can these bricks explode if they get too hot? So far so good the smoke is going UP the chimney.

Penelope- agreed, I'm a big fan of oshgoshbegosh dungarees on babies.

4:27 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Depends on the material they're made of and the heat they're exposed to.

Concrete can have air pockets in it - add some strong heat and the air pockets expand... I was once in a room with a re-done fireplace where this happened. It was like a blunderbuss went off in the hearth!

Check with HomeBase and see if the bricks are safe for the heat they're exposed to. If they're directly under the grate to improve the draught then they might get v hot.

4:40 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...


4:45 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Stop eeking and get phoning, they're probably fine.

4:52 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Well that was less than useful.
'Are your bricks heat resistant?'
'Which ones?'
'The black driveway ones, the 59 cent ones.'
'I think so yeah.'
'You think?'
'Yeah, what are you using them for?'
'Raising a fire grate, and now I hear they could explode if they fill up with heated trapped air- like a blunderbuss I'm told.'
'Ex-, I don't they'd explode.'
'I see.' ( not filled with confidence)
'Yeah, I'm sure they'd be okay. Just keep an eye on them.'
'Right, well thank for your help.'

5:11 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Hmm, they're not firebricks... I wouldn't use them meself.

The house is insured, right?

5:25 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Oh it's insured, warm and insured. I'll just hope for the best tonight and replace them with heat resistant bricks tomorrow.

5:42 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

What happened with the ones that exploded in the redone fire place? Nobody/cat was decapitated right?

5:43 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Fire very hot... concrete backing (not fireclay!) exploded... hot coals propelled into room at speed. House (not mine) was just done up and luckily hadn't been carpeted/decorated. No cats. A lesson learned, cheaply!

6:04 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I see.*

* resist millionth eek of the day.

6:07 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

Scary, Conan!
You'll have it sorted, FMC.

I so want to avoid working today.

6:50 p.m.  
Anonymous stipes said...

Babes in high heels?.
Its probably down to this recession thing. All you adult grown up girlies are not buying enough shoos, manufacturers have to find new markets. So you know the solution.

6:56 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

When you're right Stipes your god damned right. Hear that Medbh! More shoe buying required, but only to save the beebees of the world.
Pah, work, I'm about ten minutes from calling it a night too and by GOLLY will I be happy to get up from this hear desk and go sit by my hopefully non exploding fire.

7:02 p.m.  
Anonymous Babs said...

Yes FMC apologies...I was thinking they may have a brain, like me and you...but obviously not! boo boo! :)

9:13 p.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

Babies in high heels? Some people are so fucked in the biscuit it is scary.

10:43 p.m.  
Blogger jothemama said...

Confession: I saw these online the other day and I laughed. Thought it was funny.

I wouldn't buy them mind.

I'm torn. I totally agree with you on the issue of sexualisation of tiny kids. But these are for up to six month olds, right? They're not for walking on, they're comedy booties, little jokes. No? Like those soothers with the cartoon grins on the outside. Not meant to be fashion accessories or anything.

11:23 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Are the home fires still burning not too brightly?

12:31 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Dunno Jo, I hate them and find them desperately unfunny. It's reminds me of when Tescos was selling stripper poles for kids the other year and their view was it was all fun and games and non too serious too.

LK! Tell me it's warm where you are and watch me shiver me timbers.

Conan, no explosions were noted and more importantly the smoke went up the chimney and not into the sitting room, leaving me doubting the need to replace the lining after all.

8:52 a.m.  
Blogger morgor said...

Tescos was selling stripper poles for kids the other year

Eh? that's creepy.

When is "little miss prostitute" going to be added to the mister men books?

and "mr drug dealer"

10:27 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Mr Rob Stereo, nice to meet you.

10:57 a.m.  
Blogger tina said...

lol @ 'well smack my lady patch Babs'

12:59 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The only hurdle to accessing this is of course human limitations and the fact that the brain does not function solely as a learning tool for the human
being. Anna had been looking through my phone while I was naked.

The decline of the East side blues scene was disheartening, but,
it also gave rise to the need for a fresh start, which came in the
form of the next blues-only venue, Antone's, founded by the late Clifford Antone, during the summer of 1975.

My blog ... pub quiz answers and questions
my website - free pub quiz answers

6:43 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you're on a budget have your guests light sparklers as you depart. Meredith's mother suffered from Alzheimer's in prior seasons. This site helps you find vendors within your local area.

my blog; wedding website amanda isgate and brandon hicks

9:54 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep the sacrifices they've made in mind, and take the time to embrace the understanding of how much these people must love you to have traveled so far for your wedding. (US). I knew exactly what I wanted for my bridal lingerie, but I simply couldn't find a place that offered it, complete and in my size.

Here is my webpage - wedding website and invitations
Also see my site - wedding website album

9:55 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Only 1 address, while. Citrus juices help in decreasing the chance of bacteria to remain
in your dog. Dog Training Using Praise.

Here is my page; dog training and boarding
My website :: drug dog training aids

11:45 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They buy Twitter followers as Twitter is an effective marketing platform as much as it is a social networking media.
So, increase Twitter followers as much as you afford and drive
traffic in high volume. Compared to other advertising methods such are billboards,
radio, TV or even advertising online, this is definitely a very effective medium
since it allows businesses to advertise their brand free to thousands of people
on the internet.

My web blog;
Also see my page - get twitter followers

11:54 p.m.  

Post a Comment

<< Home