Saturday, November 01, 2008

Quantum of Solace?



If there is a plot to the new Bond film Quantum of Solace I couldn't find it. Nearly two hours of watching Duck Face Potato Head kill maim and generally shooboogie his way around the world on the Queen's dime and nary a plot. What happened to the dude from the boot of the car in the opening sequence? What happened to the general? The other one I mean not the cardboard cut out nasty from boo-leev-eee-a. Why did that dude who was in Hanibbal go to Boo-leev-eee-a? Why did he die? Who trussed him up and stuck him in Bond's car? It was ludicrous. And dull. Even the action scenes. They're over edited, Bourne wannabes. But where I believe Jason Bourne could crack my skull open in a Krav Magna minute, Duck Face Potato Head renders me mirthful. And also where are all the cool villains? An environmentalist? really? REALLY? Surely that's like being attacked by a houseplant. Bah.
Look, Bond is Bond, he's supposed to be a secret agent, yet everyone knows him, he's a sot and an randy Roger, but he's also supposed to be debonaire and fucking likable. This Bourne light Duck Face Potato Head is NOT likable, nor is he debonair. He's just a Duck Face Potato Head in a suit with a bigger budget and none of the class.

Also, because the night was black tie we were dolled up and went to an after party. It was fine, but for fuck's sake, when did young people get so entitled? I might be showing my age a little here, but it struck me last night how many fake nailed fake haired fake smiled people were rude, more than a little obnoxious and absolutely miserable.
I looked over the balcony of my black tie do at the 'norms' dancing below at one point. Country Gay joined me.
'At least they look like they're having fun' He said somewhat wistfully. Then we went off with ourselves and drank more free champagne (yeah, our lives are so hard).
The highlight though was the girl who tried to get the Paramour tossed out on his ear because he had the temerity to say 'Oi! There's a queue here, and I'm in it' when she skipped past him with a friend to enter a toilet cubicle that had just become available.
'I'm getting the manager you can't talk to me like that.' She said, demanding the bouncer who was in the hall go get the manager.
'Are you all just going to stand here?' The paramour asked of the shuffling line.
One Hooray Henry said,'Man it's not worth it, it's her gig.'
'I don't give a shit what it is.' My beloved informed the line. 'She can queue up like the rest of us.'
Faced with a glowering man beast who wasn't backing down the girl grabbed her friend and flounced off.'I'm getting the manager and having you thrown out!' She yelled.
'Grow the fuck up.' The paramour replied.
Fortunately I managed to calm him down with a bottle of free champagne. In fact it appears free champagne can quell most ills.
It does however give you a frightful hangover the next day. Coffee anyone?

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23 Comments:

Blogger JL Pagano said...

Not quite sure where you stand on this movie, FMC, do ya like it or not??? ;-)

2:56 p.m.  
Blogger johnifer said...

Ahahahahahahahhahahah! What an apt description for what's his name. I'm calling him that from now on!

3:36 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I am undecided Jl, undecided.

Johnifer- he pouted so much I ended up doing it myself unconsciously. Fortunately-as luck and Country Gay would have it- the vat of champagne I later fell into relaxed my muscles again.

4:06 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

That settles it.
Duck Face Potato Head he will now be for all time.

Your Paramour is right. Jumping the fucking queue drives me bonkers. I have to bite my tongue every time I watch students jumping it for the bus. It's a way to say "I am more important than all of you."
Fuck that.

4:51 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Exactly, and her attitude when called out on it was ridiculous and completely over the top. I pulled up this gum chewing yoke in a spar once too, in he comes straight up to the counter chewing gum almost DARING anyone to say anything. Fuck that, excuse me I was here first buddy.

5:00 p.m.  
Anonymous problemchildbride said...

It's like a twist on Dolly: it take a lot of money to look that entitled. I mean, girl spends thousands of euro on her appearance, doesn't she deserve to pee before the rest of us?

7:33 p.m.  
Anonymous Ronnie said...

Can't bring yis anywhere.

9:03 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

Have to say I haven't gone out of my way to see a Bond fillum in...forever. Sounds like I'm waiting for this one to be on cable as well...

I love the mental picture I'm getting of paramour in formal attire going "OI!" Awesome.

9:55 p.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

Queue jumpers. Don't get me started.

Last week I was queuing to put my hand luggage through the x-ray machine at the airport. There was one teenaged American girl in front of me. Then about ten other girls joined her. Blatantly in front of me.

So, I calmly stepped around the entire group and went to the head of the queue. Then I heard a winey, 'It's rude to push in.'

So I turned around and didn't say, 'Oh fuck off, you arrogant pieces of shit, I think you'll find I was here before nearly all of you' to the girl who had talked to the back of my head. But my icy cold stare said it.

Yup, scarey I am.

9:59 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Oh Sam, I'm sure her urine was golden amber.
Ronnie, heh.
Andraste, the funny think is the last one, Casino Royale, wasn't bad at all. But this one is disjointed and alarmingly free of plot, PLUS if you didn't see Casino Royale you really haven't a snow balls chance in hell of working out what is going on.

LK, I"m sure you were fierce. I bet that girl didn't even get what she was complaining about was exactly what she had just done.

10:08 a.m.  
Blogger morgor said...

Don't think I could be arsed to watch it so.

Good work by your fella, tell him an anonymous blogger on your site congratulated him, queue skippers should be shot in the face (with a water pistol)

12:03 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

* exchanges water pistol for Blunderbuss*

I'll be sure to pass it on Morgor.

12:29 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

"Her gig"...!?


Was she a pr hussy/fundraiser type?
Paramour should have got down on his belly and licked her expensive shoes. She'd never have recovered.

2:39 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

No idea Conan, we were there under corporate invite so I don't even know what 'gig' she could have belonged to. Either way, she can still get in line like the rest of the mortals.

7:33 a.m.  
Blogger jothemama said...

Ah, I heard another one of these terrible girl stories recently. It must be stamped out!

http://infantasia.blogspot.com/2008/10/more-tales-of-st-trinians.html

4:42 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Gah, how rude.

5:58 p.m.  
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