Friday, December 05, 2008

Gingerday! Blogging can be dangerous to your job and don't cut your hair unless you're opting out of sexy time.



( Though not a ginger, Amanda here is the verra essence of Gingerday-->)



Holy Moly, I thought getting the occasional outraged comment or email from friends of fraudsters and god botherers was mildly irritating/amusing, but at least no one was threatening to rip my livelihood away for saying what I think.
Not so for one poor barmaid and blogger.
Oh those bawdy Belgium politicians, who knew governmental types were the sort who'd use their powers like that, oh wait...
Anyway, busy sort of day here, I am appalled to discover that even a couple of glasses of white wine gives me a ferocious headache and delighted to learn that I am interested in sex. What's that you say? Well I have long hair you see, so naturally that means I am interested in sex, if I cut it that will mean I am NOT interested in sex.

"The realisation started to dawn on me that long hair advertises a desire to attract, even to be dominated.

Long hair on a woman shouts: 'Pull me, please!' Newly-cut hair represents a different relationship to her sexuality and her sexual life."

See? Hairstyles are verra Verra important to understand the 'workings' -such as they are -of women.
Christmas shopping is proving to be fraught with anxieties, and so I must venture forth once more today to buy gifts for people who are impossible to shop for. I'd better wear a hat, I don't want to go around advertising my sexual desires by letting my flowing locks loose on the unsuspecting public. Obviously I'm just looking for trouble that way. Oh If ONLY there was some way I could exist with attracting attention. Hey wait, those all encompassing black thingies some Muslim ladies wear, that ought to do it. That way I don't HAVE to worry about a thing. Gadzooks. Why didn't I think of it before.

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23 Comments:

Blogger Medbh said...

Un-fucking-real.
I can't ever seem to get anything done, what with having sex 24 hours a day, since my hair's so long!

12:29 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Oh quit it, don't you know you're just so happy to be dominated.

12:39 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

My hair's down to the small of my back these days, so you'd think I'd be some seething nympho. And yet...

I've never read such a load of bollocks.

12:48 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

It's astounding is it not? What happens if you just want a trim? sexi-sexual?
Sad to see this type of crapoloa coming from the mouths of women who should know better.

12:51 p.m.  
OpenID grimsaburger said...

Well, I had to get pregnant the ol' turkey-baster way because Spouse and I haven't had sex in...ever. As a matter of fact, I'm a 30-year-old pregnant virgin because my hair has made me so frigid. Somebody call the pope.

1:47 p.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

poor wee sinead o'connor must by drier than a camels hoof...

2:05 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

A lot of good the pope will do!
Sheepie, indeed, why I'll bet she's practically virginal.

I hope this sex/hair thing doesn't apply to men, the paramour wants me to give him a buzz cut this evening. I'll have to jump his bones before hand just in case. The after as well-to test out the theory obviously.

2:09 p.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

I've got a grade 2 all over!

*throws hair-razors in bin*

2:18 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

It's the opposite with men, I guess. Next we'll be treated to a study that says men with buzz cuts are more likely to be oversexed philanderers!

2:32 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Huzzah, no wait, boo, no wait...bah.
Sheepie, that's a fine number. A FINE number.

2:51 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Must be a lot of sex free older ladies around though. A lot of ladies of a certain age get that short what I call the mushroom cut, you know quite short back and sides, but with standy up or semi permed tops. They always remind me of litle mushrooms. Yet they always seem so happy going about. Surely they're getting some action. I'm getting on in years you know, but there had BETTER be action.*


* vows to keep hair relatively long.

2:54 p.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

righty-o, im away for some festive cheer (dontcha just love sneaking outta work early).

have a good weekend folks.

3:45 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

You too Sheepie, only some minutes more 'work' then I can go and kick the crap out of something. Huzzah!

3:53 p.m.  
Blogger morgor said...

you just love the dailymail.

4:06 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Them sikh fellahs must be very sexed up what with never ever cutting the locks on account of it being religious and all. No wonder they have to wear them turban thingies. Turban = turbid, I assume.

Your Daily Wail/Fewail fetish is going to have to go in the New Year!

4:17 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

But lo, I do believe it is gone plonk o'clock. Have a goodly weekend and may your tree stay erec.. I mean upright.

5:53 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I know Morgor and Conan, the shame of it. I tried to resist this week, I really did, but like a saucy siren it lured me to its fetid trashy rocks.
Have a good weekend.

7:18 p.m.  
Anonymous problemchildbride said...

The Free Presbyterians insist that women keep their hair long. No wonder they're so vigourous in the pulpit of a Sunday.

8:04 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"When Delilah wanted to destroy the potency of Samson, she lopped off his locks."

"Rapunzel is the archetype for this sacrifice of seductiveness. "

"By the same logic, when an attempt is made to curtail female sexuality, scissors will be brandished."

Logic indeed.

-elizabeth

9:20 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I'm going to use the phrase 'we need to be more vigourous in the pulpit' as license to engage in all manner of smut this weekend, many thanks kind lady.

9:21 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

That's weirdly trus Elizabeth, I guess vitality and vigour are all tied to locks. I believe I will go open the wine to ponder some more on it.

9:23 p.m.  
Blogger PI said...

Bloggers who get sacked often end up with a book deal.

11:53 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

They do? Damn my self employed hide.

10:53 a.m.  

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