Wednesday, December 03, 2008

It's official.

We are chavs.
A 40 inch television screen has arrived in chez fatmammycat & paramour, plus an enormous table stand thingie that turn out-niftily enough- to be the speakers for this behemoth.
'What does it say about us Paramour that the biggest piece of furniture in our home in now the telly?
'Pfft' said he, looking through the Medusa like set cables.
'We'll be like those idiots from 'Cribs', you know the ones that say, 'En dis is mah entertainment cennnre' but they don't know where the kitchen in.
'Okay,' he grins, 'in fairness I didn't realise the stand was so big, I thought you'd just get separate speakers.'
'It's got its own gravitational pull.'
He plugs it in and dickies around with the base and suddenly my hair is blown back and Puddy- who had been sitting on one of the empty boxes, let loose an anguished squawk, leaped off the box and hid under the table.
'What is that?" I holler.
'Music from my computer upstairs! Queen Bitch! I've rigged it up to this baby.'
I want to tell him to turn it down, that the chimbley might collapse from the vibrations, but then I notice the sheen across his face, the beaming smile, the glazed eyes and it hits me, the man is a gadget freak, and this is the equivalent of me finding those Gucci boots I want so badly out in the shed.
'If you buy a fish tank I'm leaving you.' I say.
'Okay!' he says, cheerily. 'I'm just going to hook the playstation up...holy crap, look at the reception!'
I gather up Puddy and make my way to my office. Surrounded by books and rugs and plants I can only marvel at the technology that makes a grown man so happy. And then I sat down to my 17 inch screen iMac and shook my head.
Chavs. I'd better start talking in Irish in Superquinn to counter balance it.



Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Yeah, like you've got your surround sound with the subwoofer and you can wireless in your youtube clips from the Mac and wireless out your audio to the shed and then there's the visual/digital radio you can send to the bathroom and if you've got SlyPlus you could bluetooth the recorded programmes to the laptop when you're in bed, or download all that shit to your mobile phone... if only you had a mobile phone!

10:54 a.m.  
Anonymous The Bad Ambassador said...

You's been merked. Innit?

Daddy Ambassador grew up in Dolphin's Barn. He's hard as nails, a real man's man. And if there's one thing he believes it's that real men don't need sun cream, umbrellas or glasses. Unfortunately, pushing 60 as he is, his eye sight is on the wane - and Mammy Ambassador has been pushing him to do something about it.

Earlier this year she nagged him enough about squinting while watching TV that he reached breaking point, threw on his jacket and left the house muttering "I'll sort this out if it will get me some peace and quiet".

We thought he was gone to the opticians - he came back with a 48" telly.

And surround sound in case his hearing starts to pack it in.

10:56 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

aha, that is brilliant, fix eyes, nevah! Jebus, 48 inches, it must be a monstrosity.

Cona, I absolutely refuse to get a mobile, even though the sensible part of me thinks 'You know, it WOULD be useful for when I'm traveling down the country and what if I have a break down..' We call that the 'family stupidity.' All of us Fatcat women have it. Digging our heels in to the point of stupidity.

Oh the shame! I'll never be able to be all imperious and say 'Television, oh yes, we have one somewhere, never watch it of course, books you see, and er, mind enhancing games..' How can you say that when most of wall is taken up with a telly!?

11:11 a.m.  
Anonymous The Bad Ambassador said...

It is that. They can't watch Questions and Answers when Mary Harney is on.

Apart from the homicidal rage induced by her "everything's fine, no crisis here" answers, it frightens the small children in the house at the rear.

Imagine Harney's jowls shaking in HD when her TV head is easily thrice the size of her actual head.

11:18 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

At least you can enjoy her glossy pelt better that way.

11:21 a.m.  
Anonymous red leeroy said...

'Her Indoors' cried when I brought my TV home. It didn't take her long to warm to it though. I don't watch TV anymore. we fell out.

11:30 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

You fell out wth telly, or with 'her indoors?'

11:35 a.m.  
Blogger The Hangar Queen said...

Jeebus!That's not a telly..that's a lifestyle choice.

Irish in Superquinn Ha!
I just left someone a voicemail that started off in French and morphed into the Gay Lick towards the end.

I need haboos.

11:37 a.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

My flatmate brought over his monstrosity of a telly when he moved in - I thought it was a touch excessive at the time, but now I frickin love watching Heroes on glourious 48inch high-def with surround sound.

11:49 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I'm complain' Sheepie, but don't you know I'll be perched in my recliner with a glass of wine and the remote come Friday evening.

Queenie, oh yah Darling, it's all the rage over here, 'Paiste, paiste, insteach anois!' Guffaw.

11:57 a.m.  
Anonymous red leeroy said...

FMC - with TV.

12:29 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

I wouldn't let SPOUSE get a huge flat screen until we had a house big enough for it. Once we put an offer in on this house, he went and bought it, put it in storage until we moved in.

I thought it was over the top, 42" in a basement mancave not even big enough for 10 people. An indulgence, if you will.

Then I watched live hockey on it. I'm sold.

1:12 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

"the remote come Friday evening"

"the remote" is that your new name for Pot Kenny?

1:12 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I believe I will have a CSI-tastic time.

Andraste- but yours hidden away in the basement! You can still pretend you only read books and use your ( 14inch) telly for watching documentaries.

1:47 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

You laugh - that's exactly what I do.

2:29 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

I just told Mr. M about your new tv, saying we'd have no room for one that size in our small tv room.
No, he tells me. We could fit one as well.

2:41 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

SURE you do Andrste, sure you do.

Hah, it's got to be a dudular thing Medbh. Amazing that he can manage to get telly the size of a sheltand even though we already had a working telly, but when I MENTIONED needing new shoes for a wedding he actually said, 'but don't you have shoes?"
Pfft. Man logic is illogical.

2:48 p.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

It's definitely a dudular thing (great word btw) - I once dated a guy who lived in Gadget Heaven, with a flat screen TV the size of Brazil (among a million other boy toys) - I burst out laughing first time I went to his place. Seriously.
Having said that, I loved watching telly at his place (his TV was better than him in the end, haha.... oh, now I miss that biiiiig flat screen....)

3:14 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

When you're in Superquinn be sure not to say "...nach ea?" by mistake, it's "innit?" in Irish.

3:26 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I'll let you know how smitten I am after Friday Eva.
Conan, indeed! Ach anois, tá mé ag dul go dtí on gymóliocht.

Oh it's gonna be a doozy.

4:24 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

An gymlann, nach ea?

5:32 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...


6:29 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Not if I she-ya foist!

7:53 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

why I oughta...dem bums.
ONly another hour of work Conan, and then I'm gonna have be a big old Baileys with ice. Huzzah for carrots on sticks.

8:08 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Baileys, made in the South... but 50% cheaper in the North!

I imagine you'll be having it in a 40 inch, HD glass. Enjoy!

8:34 p.m.  
Blogger morgor said...

ha, just bought a 40" screen too, my gf was saying it would be way too big for our apt at first, but now we look at anything less than 30" and are dismayed.

"How could you watch anything on something that small?"

I don't actually have a tv connection yet, but i stole 2 seasons of Heroes from a friend so it's all good.

11:09 p.m.  
Blogger Manuel said...

bet ya eastenders never looked so good......hahahha

11:55 p.m.  
Anonymous Ovak said...

somehow I managed to convince the missus that our combined present to eachother this year, should be a 40" tv that has been seducing me from a window on georges street for a couple of weeks. i feel bad!

1:53 a.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

I have a friend who bought a size-of-a-small-pacific-nation tele.

They are now renovating.

5:00 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Good lord! We're all slaves to the bigger screen.

Hmm, I don't feel nearly as chavishly wretched now.

7:15 a.m.  
Anonymous Babs said...

I remember the first time I was left alone in my ex's house, I couldn't figure out how to turn on the "entertainment centre", there was five remotes, yes FIVE. I got the picture on the TV but that was in, so I sat there watching Eastenders in silence on the 48" screen. Pat Butchers head is huge on that thing, kinda scary really!

8:59 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

hahaah, Paaaaat is scary no matter waht the screen size.

9:57 a.m.  
Anonymous Babs said...

But it was like she was a giant coming out of the screen, and with no noise. It was like some sort of silent horror. Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!!!

10:41 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I'd have fled.

10:58 a.m.  
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