Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Spanx- for Men.

I know control panel underwear and padded bras and girdles and christ knows what else have been employed by ladies for MANY years to enhance the figure, but how do we feel about Spanx for the more dudular in your life? Fellas? Would you wear one, knowing you might take three inches off your waist? Well? ladies, would you be delir-ed and excir-ed watching your other half or even a first date-er strip off revealing Spanx.
In the interest of fairness I rang the Paramour in work.
'Hi, would you wear Spanx?'
'Spanx, you know that thing that was in the Times.'
'Not a chance.'
'You said it was uncomfortable and he couldn't breath. that's stupid, if he's worried about his waist he should just wear a loose t-shirt.'
'Even if it pulled your waist in by 3 inches?'
'I don't give a shit about that.'
'Okay dokey, see you later.'
'Er... bye.'
Spanx 0 /Confused man- 1



Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Spanx 0 / Sensible Men 2

...does it come in Lilac? Christmas is coming, after all.

10:19 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Sorry, I'm just guffawing at the idea of my mother actaully managing to get into one, and where it would all go. A Lilac Stay Puff Marshmallow Woman is the only thing that comes to mind.

10:22 a.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

I'd rather not rely on something like that if it is at all possible to lose that 3inch flab through exercise. But basically it's just a very tight t-shirt, so I could see quite a few fellas wearing one without it affecting their masculinity. Man-bags became acceptable, and I think these will too.

I probably wouldn't wear one in all honesty, but if I start piling on the pounds I could reconsider.


Phew! Nearly turned a bit metrosexual there.

10:44 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

hah, I can imagine you getting jiggy with it all right Sheepie.

Where's Morgor when you need him, you just KNOW he'd have a bash.

10:54 a.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

Of the bishop.

10:56 a.m.  
Anonymous red leeroy said...

oh go on then, but only in a manly black or grey.

10:58 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Try it out Leeroy, get back to us with some reaction. I'll bet you'll be hawt stuff.
Of course all this is making the cheeky assumption that any of the chaps here might NEED spanx, and I'm sure that's not the case.

Twenty, he really got you good with the surname.

11:35 a.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

It's basically a 'foundation' garment for men, right? Like Madame Noras used to sell on O'Connell Street? A sort of Grrrrrdle for fat blokes?

11:39 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I believe it sucks you in, buffs you up and makes your junk look triumphant.

I always semi-remember a Dolly Parton line from Steel Magnolias where upon observing a lady friend out and about not wearing her girdle said, 'It's like watching two pigs fighting in a bag.'

11:45 a.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

I see. Probly comes with a built-in gel six-pack, like those strange gel-bummed cycling shorts Aldidl were selling.

12:02 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

gel bummed shorts? Really? How... soothing.

12:18 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

I dunno, might feel a bit like a full nappy, and then you go sit on yer bike... eeeeeeeeeyuck!

12:49 p.m.  
Blogger morgor said...

Major you slag.

I might wear the Spanx for Halloween but that's about it.

I generally try to be quite "au natural".

I only use hair gel at a push, and then only if I need a hair cut.

(currently sporting a big fluffy head with matching unshaven cheeks)

I tried giving up anti-perspirant, but considering there's no shower at work and I often cycle I relented.

Sheepworrier : man bags are NOT acceptable.
Neither are highlights.
Unless of course the specimen in question is homosexual in which case he has a different set of rules.

I do use moisturiser occasionally mind you and I have gotten my gf to wax my back before but that's as far into that territory as I go.

1:23 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was thinking about something similar this morning--since I'm at that stage where my prego belly is all guts, no baby, it's kind of a shapeless pooch instead of the (if the gossip mags are any indication) desirable "bump." Surely someone has thought of making a girdle to shape this intestinal mass into a petite little globe.
They'd be idiots, and masochists to boot, of course, but it's not like these Spanx folks are Nobel prize-winners.

2:15 p.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

Morgor: moisturiser? Oooooo, get you! *minces around the room*

I dont have a man-bag, but they do suit some of the preening, metrosexual fellas who some women seem to go weak at the knees for.
I agree tho - highlights are unacceptable for straight fellas, despite their prevalence among the rugger bugger types.

2:19 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

God Grims, enjoy it while it's small and smoochy.
Men, I think y'all should try Spanx and report back, possibly with before and after photos. I'll be in the kichen making popcorn.

3:09 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

"Men, I think y'all should try Spanx and report back, possibly with before and after photos."

Oh, yeah?
What's in it for us?
And is there extra whatever-it-is-you're-offerin' for thems that don a ginger wig?

3:26 p.m.  
Blogger morgor said...

I only know one guy with a man bag.

but he also uses fake tan and I suspect he is bisexual.

(well he snogged another fella)

3:29 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I'm offering a bottle of Havana Rum to the best Spanx and Ginger wig wearer and the even the possibility to star in our very own Ginger Friday!!

3:30 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

The fake six pack is the best part.
I'm picturing it on a dude with Ronald Reagan jet black hair and a pinkie ring like Paulie Walnuts.

3:35 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

FMC, did you read that lap cat of the patriarchy's interview with Tina Fey for Vanity Fair?

3:36 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Guffaws! I love Paulie. Love the way they put the Spanx on a pretty decent physical specimen, they ought to try it out on Johnny Vegas, THEN we'll see how good it is.

3:37 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

About the scar and shit? Yeah I skimmed it rolled my eyes and wandered off to worry about how much of a girlie girl I am.

3:38 p.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

"I'm offering a bottle of Havana Rum to the best Spanx and Ginger wig wearer and the even the possibility to star in our very own Ginger Friday"

Oh its frickin on! How much do they cost?

£49!? Feck that!

3:47 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

But Sheepie! Think of the buff inspired ginger hawtness that could be you! A whole friday post with you as staaaaar. Then a bottle of Havan to sooth the flaming..er discomfort afterwards.

3:49 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

I'm with Sheepo, you'd better up your offer!
£49's (€57) would buy you almost four bottles of rum in Asda up North at the mo.

3:52 p.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

I'll maybe take a wee jaunt by the local sportishness store tamarra night and see what's on offer...
Will the rum hide the shame too?

3:54 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

It will sheepie, hide it good and proper.
It's not the prize Conan, it's the HONOR of being included in a Gingerday photo, surely.

4:27 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Any Habana ceeegars with that rum?

4:54 p.m.  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

Well, if this could take all the excess from my waist and push it down to my schlong, I'd have 3 legs.

5:22 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

hah, so you in Kim? All photos to be in before Ginger day the 27th

Conan, no steeenking Ceegars.

5:29 p.m.  
Anonymous stipes said...

if it took 3 inches of my waist, my trousers would be around my ankles

10:07 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Show off.

10:37 p.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

Man Spanx.....hmmmmm can't see it taking off in rural NZ.

I remember once mercilessly taking the piss out of a guy who had lipo on his tummy. Which was possibly a little rude as I'd only met him that night.

3:37 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

How did he end up telling you about it on a first night ducky? That's the question!

9:17 a.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

No ceeeegar = no hanky spanx!

10:35 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

You don't know what yer missing!

10:43 a.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

His good (female)friend told me! A strange man, obnoxiously wealthy and I think he was quite pleased with himself.

4:56 a.m.  
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5:43 a.m.  
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